In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome To The Hellmouth
Written by: Joss Whedon
Directed by: Charles Martin Smith
Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson
Copyright (c) 1997 Alexander Thompson
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
Sunnydale High School at night. The camera pans around from the side of the building to the main entrance. Cut to a hall. The camera moves down the hall past the trophy case and at the library turns to the right down another hall. Cut to a science classroom. The camera pans low along a row of desks. Cut to the windows. The counter in front of them is full of various things: a skeleton, some vertebrae, jars of things in formaldehyde, a skull and a microscope. A fist punches through a windowpane and reaches in to undo the clasp. It's a boy and a girl, sneaking into the school.
Darla: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Boy: It's a great idea, now come on.
They crawl in. Cut to the hall. They come out of the classroom and walk down the hall.
Darla: Do you go to school here?
Boy: I used to. On top of the gym it's so cool. You can see the whole town.
He continues down the hall, but she stops him close to the intersection.
Darla: I, I, I, I don't wanna go up there.
Boy: Aw, you can't wait, huh?
Darla: We're just gonna get in trouble.
Boy: Yeah, you can count on it.
They almost kiss when Darla startles, draws a quick breath and turns her head around to look down the hall.
Darla: What was that?
Boy: What was what?
Darla: I heard a noise.
Boy: It's nothing!
Darla: Uh, uh, maybe it's something.
Boy: Or maybe it's some *thing*!
Darla: That's not funny.
He looks down the other hall.
Boy: Hellooooo! (to Darla) There's nobody here.
Darla: Are you sure? (looks away)
Boy: Yes, I'm sure.
Darla: Okay.
She turns back to him all vamped out. She growls and bites him. He grunts in pain as they sink to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~ Credits ~~~~~~~~~~
Wolf: Howl.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy's room. The camera shows a shot from above of her in bed. She's having the nightmares, with visions of the Master's lair, the cemetery, the Master, of vampires and other demons, various events and artifacts. She wakes with a start.
Joyce: (off camera) Buffy?
Buffy: (sitting up) I'm up, Mom!
Joyce: (off camera) Don't wanna be late for your first day!
Buffy: (to herself) No... Wouldn't want that.
Cut to the school. The camera pans from the street to the main building. Cut to Joyce pulling up to the school in her Jeep to drop off Buffy.
Joyce: Okay!
Buffy gets out.
Joyce: Have a good time. I know you're gonna make friends right away, just think positive. (gives a thumbs up)
Buffy looks through the open car door and gives her mother a quick nod. She turns to go and closes the door behind her.
Joyce: And honey?
Buffy looks back at her mom again.
Joyce: Try not to get kicked out?
Buffy: I promise.
Joyce: Okay.
Buffy faces the school and lets out a deep breath. Joyce drives off. Cut to Xander, doing his usual bob and weave through the crowd on his skateboard.
Xander: 'Scuse me, comin' through, pardon me, 'scuse me, whoa! 'Scuse me, not sure how to stop! Please move, whoa, 'scuse me... (notices Buffy) Whoa.
He stares at her and doesn't notice that he's headed right for the stair railing. He crashes into it and falls beneath it, grunting in pain.
Xander: God!
Willow walks up and has to step high to avoid tripping over his legs.
Xander: I'm Okay. I feel good.
She looks down at him, smiling and pulling her hair behind her ear.
Xander: (sees her) Willow! You're so very much the person that I wanted to see! (gets up)
Willow: Oh, really?
They start walking toward the school.
Xander: Yeah. You know, I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math. Can you help me out tonight, pleeeease, be my study buddy?
Willow: Well, what's in it for me?
Xander: A shiny nickel!
Willow: Okay. Do you have 'Theories in Trig'? You should check it out.
Xander: Check it out?
Willow: From the library? Where the books live.
Xander: Right, I'm there! See, I wanna change...
Cut to the hall just inside the door.
Jesse: Hey, hey!
Xander: Hey, Jesse, what's what?
Jesse: New Girl!
Xander: That's right, I saw her. Pretty much a hottie!
Willow: I heard someone was transferring...
Xander: So tell!
Jesse: Tell what?
Xander: What's the sitch, what do ya know about her?
Jesse: New girl!
Xander: Well, you're certainly a font of nothing!
Cut to Principal Flutie's office. Buffy is seated. He has her school records and walks around the desk to his chair as he looks them over.
Mr. Flutie: Buffy Summers, sophomore, late of Hemery High in Los Angeles. Interesting record, quite a career...
He sits, takes the sheet he's reading and tears it into four pieces.
Mr. Flutie: Welcome to Sunnydale! A clean slate, Buffy, that's what you get here. What's past is past. We're not interested in what it says on a piece of paper, even if it says... (reads) Whoa.
Buffy: Mr. Flutie--
Mr. Flutie: All the kids here are free to call me Bob.
Buffy: Bob--
Mr. Flutie: But they don't.
He begins reassembling the torn sheet.
Buffy: I know my transcripts are a little... colorful.
Mr. Flutie: Heeey... We're not caring about that. Do you think, uh, 'colorful' is the word? (tapes the paper) Not, uh, 'dismal'?
Buffy: Wasn't *that* bad!
Mr. Flutie: You burned down the gym.
Buffy: (exhales) I did, I really did, but... You're not seeing the big picture here, I mean, that gym was full of vampi--asbestos.
Mr. Flutie: Buffy, don't worry. Any other school they might say 'watch your step', or 'we'll be watching you'... But, that's just not the way *here*. We want to service your needs, and help you to respect our needs. And if your needs and our needs don't mesh...
He puts the poorly repaired sheet back into her file and slaps it shut. She gives him a thin, nervous smile.
Cut to the hall. Buffy comes out of Mr. Flutie's office. She opens her bag and rummages through it as she walks into the hall right in front of a girl and a boy. The girl bumps into her, making her lose her grip on the bag and spill its contents.
Buffy: Oh! Sorry!
Girl: That's okay.
Buffy: (looks down at the mess) Oh...
Xander hears the noise, looks back, quickly comes over and squats down next to her to help her gather her things.
Xander: Can I have you?
She gives him a confused look.
Xander: Duh... (chuckles) Can I help you?
Buffy: (smiles) Thanks.
Xander: I don't know you, do I?
Buffy: I'm Buffy. I'm new.
Xander: Xander. Is-is me. Hi. (smiles)
Buffy: Um, thanks.
They finish gathering up everything.
Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there.
Buffy: Great! (they stand up) It was nice to meet you.
She starts down the hall.
Xander: (unimpressed with himself) We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.
He notices a stake still on the floor.
Xander: Oh, hey! (picks it up) Hey, you forgot your... stake.
Buffy doesn't hear him and continues down the hall. Xander holds on to the stake.
Cut to a classroom. The teacher writes "The Black Death" on the board and then turns to the class.
Teacher: It's estimated that about twenty-five million people died in that one four-year span. But the fun part of the Black Plague is that it originated in Europe how?
Cordelia is taking notes. So is Buffy, seated next to her.
Teacher: As an early form of germ warfare. If you'll look at the map on page sixty-three you can trace the spread of the disease into Rome, and then north...
Buffy doesn't have a book and looks around for help. Cordelia notices and shares her book.
Buffy: (to Cordelia) Thanks.
Teacher: And this popular plague led to what social changes? Steve?
The bell rings and the students get up to leave.
Cordelia: Hi! I'm Cordelia. (offers her hand)
Buffy: (accepts it) I'm Buffy.
Cordelia: If you're looking for a textbook of your very own there's probably a few in the library.
Buffy: Oh, great, thanks. (they get up) Where would that be?
Cordelia: I'll show you, come on. (they start out of the classroom) So you're from Hemery, right? In L.A.?
Buffy: Uh, yeah.
Cordelia: Oh, I would *kill* to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes?
Buffy has to laugh as they go into the hall.
Cut to the two of them walking down another part of the hall.
Cordelia: Well, you'll be okay here. If you hang with me and mine, you'll be accepted in no time. Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor. You're from L.A., so you can skip the written, but let's see. Vamp nail polish?
Buffy: Um, over?
Cordelia: So over. James Spader?
Buffy: He needs to call me!
Cordelia: Frappaccinos?
Buffy: Trendy, but tasty.
Cordelia: John Tesh?
Buffy: The Devil.
Cordelia: That was pretty much a gimme, but... you passed!
Buffy: Oh, goody!
They turn toward a drinking fountain. Willow is there. She straightens up and sees them coming.
Cordelia: Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.
Willow: Uh, oh, well, my mom picked it out.
Cordelia: No wonder you're such a guy magnet. Are you done?
Willow looks at the fountain, then back at Cordelia.
Willow: Oh!
She turns and leaves. Buffy watches her go for a moment, then looks back at Cordelia after she starts talking again.
Cordelia: You wanna fit in here, the first rule is: know your losers. Once you can identify them all by sight (glances after Willow) they're a lot easier to avoid.
Buffy lets out a nervous laugh and nods. She looks at Willow again, who has gone through the door at the end of the hall. Willow looks back at them before she continues.
Cut to another area in the halls. The two of them continue their walk to the library.
Cordelia: And if you're not too swamped with catching up you should come by the Bronze tonight.
Buffy: The who?
Cordelia: The Bronze. It's the only club worth going to around here. They let anybody in, but it's still the scene. It's in the bad part of town.
Buffy: Where's that? (stops outside the library doors)
Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. (laughing) We don't have a whole lot of town here. But, um, you should show!
Buffy: Well, I'll try. (looks toward the library) Uh, thanks.
Cordelia: Good. So, um, I'll see you in gym, and you can tell me absolutely everything there is to know about you. (waves and goes)
Buffy: (waves back) Great! (to herself) Oh, that sounds like fun.
She goes into the library. Cut inside. She comes in and looks around. It looks deserted.
Buffy: Hello? (continues in) Is anybody here?
She looks at the book checkout counter and sees a newspaper. A picture has been circled. The caption above it reads "Local Boys Still Missing." Giles comes up behind her and taps her on the shoulder. She spins around, startled.
Buffy: Ooh! (exhales) Anybody's here!
Giles: Can I help you?
Buffy: I was looking for some, well, books. I'm new.
Giles: Miss Summers?
Buffy: Good call! Guess I'm the only new kid, huh?
Giles: I'm Mr. Giles. The librarian. I was told you were coming.
He heads around behind the counter.
Buffy: Great! So, um, I'm gonna need 'Perspectives on 20th Century--'
Giles: (interrupting) I know what you're after!
With a big grin on his face he pulls out a large old book with the word "VAMPYR" written in gold leaf on the front cover. Buffy looks up at him with an uneasy gaze.
Buffy: That's not what I'm looking for.
Giles: Are you sure?
Buffy: I'm *way* sure.
Giles: (confused) My mistake.
He puts the book back behind the counter. Buffy quickly leaves.
Giles: (straightening back up) So, what is it you said--
He sees her go out of the library. Their first encounter leaves him puzzled.
Cut to the girls' locker room. Two girls are discussing Buffy.
Aphrodisia: The new kid? She seems kind of weird to me. What kind of name is Buffy?
Girl: Hey, Aphrodisia!
Aphrodisia: Oh, Hey!
Aura: Well, the chatter in the caf is that she got kicked out, and that's why her mom had to get a new job.
The girls work the combinations to their gym lockers.
Aphrodisia: Neg!
Aura: Pos! She was starting fights!
Aphrodisia: Neg-ly!
Aura: (opening her locker) Well I heard from Blue, and she said that--
The dead boy falls out of the locker onto Aura's arm. She screams and lets the body fall.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
The quad at school. Willow is sitting on a bench in front of a wall taking out her lunch. Buffy approaches her.
Buffy: Uh, Hi! Willow, right?
Willow: (looks up) Why? I-I mean, hi! Uh, did you want me to move?
Buffy: Why don't we start with, 'Hi, I'm Buffy,' and, uh, then let's segue directly into me asking you for a favor. (sits next to her) It doesn't involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while.
Willow: But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia?
Buffy: I can't do both?
Willow: Not legally.
Buffy: (exhales) Look, I really wanna get by here--new school--and... Cordelia's been really nice... to me... anyway, but, um, I kinda have this burning desire not to flunk all my classes, and I heard a rumor that you were the person to talk to if I wanted to get caught up.
Willow: Oh, I could *totally* help you out! Uh, if you have sixth period free we could meet in the library?
Buffy: Or not. Or we could meet someplace quieter. Louder. Uh, that place just kinda gives me the wiggins.
Willow: Oh, it has that effect on most kids. I love it, though, it's a great collection, and the new librarian is really cool.
Buffy: He's new?
Willow: Yeah, he just started. He was a curator at some British museum, or, or *The* British Museum, I'm not sure. But he knows everything, and he brought all these historical volumes and biographies, and am I the single dullest person alive?
Buffy: Not at all.
Xander hops up onto the wall behind the girls and sits on it between them. Jesse stands in front of them and drops his bag.
Jesse: Hey!
Xander: You guys busy? Are we interrupting? We're interrupting.
He tosses his bag to Jesse.
Buffy: Hey!
Willow: Hey!
Jesse: Hey there!
He drops Xander's bag next to his own.
Willow: Buffy, this is Jesse and that's Xander.
Xander: Oh, me and Buffy go waaay back, old friends, very close. Then there's that period of estrangement where I think we were both growing as people, but now here we are, like old times, I'm quite moved.
Jesse: Is it me, or are you turning into a bibbling idiot?
Xander: No, it's, uh, it's not you.
Buffy: Well, it's nice to meet you guys, I think.
Xander jumps down to retrieve the stake from his bag.
Jesse: Well, you know, we wanted to welcome ya, make ya feel at home, unless you have a scary home...
Xander: And to return this. (holds up the stake) The only thing I can think is that you're building a really little fence. (hands it to her)
Buffy: (takes it) Hah, no, um, a-a-actually it was for self-defense. Everyone has them in L.A. Pepper spray is just so passé.
Xander: So what do you do for fun, what do you like, what do you look for in a man, let's hear it.
Jesse: If you have any dark, painful secrets you'd like us to publish?
Buffy: Gee, everyone wants to know about me. How keen.
Xander: Well, not much goes on in a one Starbucks town like Sunnydale. You're pretty big news.
Buffy: I'm not. Really.
Cordelia: (interrupts) Are these guys bothering you?
Buffy: Uh, no!
Willow: She's not hanging out with us.
Jesse: (stands next to her) Hey! Cordelia!
Cordelia: (to Jesse) Oh, please! (to Buffy) I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster, the woman with the chest hair, because gym was canceled due to the *extreme* dead guy in the locker.
Buffy: What?
Willow: What are you talking about?
Cordelia: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker!
Buffy: Dead.
Cordelia: Totally dead. Way dead.
Xander: It's not just a little dead, then?
Cordelia: Don't you have an elsewhere to be?
Jesse: Y'know, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just to nibble on...
Buffy: How did he die?
Cordelia: I don't know.
Buffy: Well, were there any marks?
Cordelia: Morbid much! I didn't ask!
Buffy: (looks at everyone) Um, I gotta book. I'll, I'll see you guys later.
She grabs her things and leaves. Cordelia stares after her.
Cordelia: What's her deal?
Cut to outside the gym. Buffy sneaks up to an outside entrance. It's locked. She uses her strength to break the door and goes in, looking around to make sure no one sees her. Cut to the locker room. Buffy finds the body and pulls back the sheet. She sees the vampire bite.
Buffy: Oh, great.
Cut to the library. Buffy barges in.
Buffy: Okay, what's the sitch?
Giles: (in the stacks) Sorry?
Buffy: You heard about the dead guy, right? The dead guy in the locker?
Giles: (steps into the light) Yes.
She drops her bag on the study table and heads up the stairs.
Buffy: 'Cause, it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. (meets him) Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, 'ooh'?
Giles: I was afraid of this.
Buffy: Well, *I* wasn't! It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair. I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care.
Giles: Then why are you here?
Buffy: To tell you that... I don't care, which... I don't, and... have now told you, so... bye. (turns away to go)
Giles: Is he, w-will he... rise again?
Buffy: (turns back) Who?
Giles: The boy.
Buffy: No. He's just dead.
Giles: Can you be sure?
Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?
Buffy turns and goes down the stairs. Giles moves over to the railing.
Giles: You really have no idea what's going on, do you? You think it's coincidence, your being here? That boy was just the beginning.
Buffy: Oh, why can't you people just leave me alone?
Giles: Because you are the Slayer. (comes down the stairs) Into each generation a Slayer is born, one girl in all the world, a Chosen One, one born with the strength and skill to hunt--
Buffy: (interrupts and joins in) With the strength and skill to hunt the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah... I've heard it, okay?
Giles: I really don't understand this attitude. You, you've accepted your duty, you, you've slain vampires before...
Buffy: Yeah, and I've both been there and done that, and I'm moving on.
Giles: What do you know about this town? (goes into his office)
Buffy: It's two hours on the freeway from Neiman Marcus?
Giles: Dig a bit in the history of this place. You'll find a, a steady stream of fairly odd occurrences. Now, I believe this whole area is a center of mystical energy, (comes back with four books) that things gravitate towards it that, that, that you might not find elsewhere. (sets them on the table)
Buffy: Like vampires.
He puts the volumes into Buffy's arms one by one as he lists off various
monsters and demons.
Giles: Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi, everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed, but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real!
Buffy: What? You, like, sent away for the Time-Life series?
Giles: Ah, w-w-w-yes.
Buffy: Did you get the free phone?
Giles: Um, the calendar.
Buffy: Cool! But, okay, (gives back the books) first of all, I'm a Vampire Slayer. And secondly, I'm retired. Hey, I know! Why don't you kill 'em?
Giles: I-I'm a Watcher, I-I haven't the skill...
Buffy: Oh, come on, stake through the heart, a little sunlight... It's like falling off a log.
Giles: A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher--
Buffy: Watches?
Giles: Yes. No! (sets down the books) He, he trains her, he, he, he
prepares her--
Buffy: Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead! Prepare me.
They just look at each other for a moment. Buffy exhales, turns and leaves the library in disgust. Giles hesitates for an instant.
Giles: (to himself) Damn!
He runs after Buffy. Xander walks out from behind the stacks.
Xander: What?
Cut to the hall. Giles catches up with Buffy.
Giles: It's getting worse!
Buffy: What's getting worse?
He guides her over to the wall and speaks with her in a low voice.
Giles: The influx of the undead, the... supernatural occurrences, it's been building for years. There's a reason why you're here and a reason why it's now!
Buffy: Because now is the time my mom moved here.
She tries to evade him, but he puts his arm out to stop her.
Giles: Something's coming, something, something... something is, is gonna happen here. Soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?
Giles: The signs, as far as I can tell, point to a crucial mystical upheaval, very soon. Days. Possibly less.
Buffy: Oh, come on! This is Sunnydale! How bad an evil can there be
here?
Cut to outside the school. The camera descends behind some bushes and sinks through the ground into the lair of the Master. There are candles everywhere. Vampires bearing torches are gathering. The camera moves around the lair as Luke chants and eventually comes to rest on him.
Luke: The sleeper will wake. The sleeper will wake. The sleeper will wake. The sleeper will wake, and the world will bleed. Amen!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy's room. She's considering what to wear to the Bronze. She holds a shiny black outfit up to the mirror.
Buffy: Hi! I'm an enormous slut! (holds up a blue floral dress) Hello! Would you like a copy of 'The Watchtower'? (lowers the dress) I used to be so good at this.
Her mother comes into the room.
Joyce: Hi, hon.
Buffy returns her dresses to the closet.
Buffy: Hey!
Joyce: Are you, uh, going out tonight?
Buffy: Yeah, I'm going to a club.
Joyce: Oh. Will there be boys there?
Buffy: No, Mom. It's a nun club.
Joyce: Well, just be careful.
Buffy: I will.
Joyce: You know, I think we can make it work here. I've got my positive energy flowing... I'm gonna get the Gallery on its feet... Oh, uh, we may have found a space today.
Buffy: That's great.
Joyce: Oh, and that school is a, a very nurturing environment, which is just what you need.
Buffy: Well, actually...
Joyce: Oh, not too nurturing. I know, you're sixteen, I've read all about the dangers of over-nurturing.
Buffy goes to her bed and lays out a couple of outfits.
Joyce: It's hard. New town and everything... It is for me, too. I'm trying to make it work. (takes her daughter's hands in hers) I'm *going* to make it work.
Buffy: I know.
Joyce: Oh, you're a good girl, Buffy, (pats her on the head) you just fell in with the wrong crowd. But that is all behind us now.
Buffy: It is. From now on I am only going to hang out with the living. (they let go of their hands, and she picks up her dresses) I mean, lively. People.
Buffy heads back to her closet with an awkward look on her face.
Joyce: Hmm. Okay. You have fun.
Cut outside later that evening. Buffy is walking down a dark street, when someone appears behind her. She senses that she is being followed. After walking for a ways, when she gets a chance she ducks down an alley and looks around for a place to hide. A cat yowls and kicks some cans as it runs away. She spies something above her. Angel comes into the alley but doesn't see her. As he slowly walks along, the camera pulls up to reveal Buffy in a handstand on a bar high above the pavement. When Angel has passed underneath her, she swings down and kicks him in the back. He is knocked to the ground, and Buffy positions herself above him with a foot on his chest.
Angel: Ah, heh. Is there a problem, ma'am?
Buffy: Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me?
Angel: I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.
She backs off and lets him get up, but keeps her fighting stance.
Angel: Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though. (massages his neck)
Buffy: What do you want?
Angel: The same thing you do.
Buffy: (lets down her guard) Okay. What do I want?
Angel: (steps toward her) To kill them. To kill them all.
Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I *want* is to be left alone!
She starts a determined walk away.
Angel: Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open.
She stops, turns to him and looks at him with a wide-eyed gaze. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small box.
Angel: Don't turn your back on this. (tosses her the box) You've gotta be ready.
Buffy: What for?
Angel: For the Harvest.
Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend. (starts to leave)
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: (turns back) I didn't say I was yours.
He leaves. Buffy stares after him for a moment, then opens the box. It contains a silver cross and chain. She takes it out, holds it in her hand and takes another glance in his direction.
Cut to outside the Bronze. People are arriving and meeting. Buffy is wearing the cross around her neck. She walks up to the entrance, gives the doorman some cash and goes in. Sprung Monkey is playing "Believe" loudly, and the dance floor is crowded with people.
Lyrics: Oh, I just want to believe / Can you hear me? / Can you see me? / What's inside of me? / Oh, I just want to believe / If my life can have a purpose / Help me to believe / Oh, I just want to believe / Can you hear me? / Can you see me? / What's inside of me? / Oh, I just want to believe / If my life can have a purpose / Help me to believe
Buffy moves to the music a bit. She sees a guy waving in her direction and waves back, then notices someone behind her waving back and pulls her hand down, embarrassed.
Lyrics: Everybody wants to find the circle / The line of truth that has no end / Because so many nights I've slept with the feeling of empty / And I say, right now I'm ready to believe
She finds the bar and sees Willow sitting there.
Buffy: Hey!
Willow: Oh, hi!
Buffy walks around her and sits on the stool next to her. Willow turns to face her.
Willow: Hi!
Buffy: Oh, you're here with someone?
Willow: No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was gonna show up.
Buffy: Oh, are you guys going out?
Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy: How come?
Willow: He stole my Barbie. (Buffy looks confused) Oh, we were five.
Buffy: Oh.
Willow: I-I-I don't actually date a whole lot... lately.
Buffy: Why not?
Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not *that* bad!
Willow: No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really *haven't* been dating lately.
Willow: It's probably easy for you.
Buffy: Yeah, real easy.
Willow: I-I mean you don't seem too shy.
Buffy: Well, my philosophy, do you wanna hear my philosophy?
Willow: Yeah, I do!
Buffy: Life is short.
Willow: Life is short!
Buffy: Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true. You know? Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy, and if he's gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Willow: Oh, that's nice!
Buffy looks up and sees Giles on the upper level.
Buffy: Um, I'll be back in a minute. (gets up to go)
Willow: Oh, tha-that's okay, you don't have to come back.
Buffy: (smiles) I'll be back in a minute.
Willow: (to herself) Seize the moment.
Cut to Buffy, making her way to the stairs. The camera follows her up.
Lyrics: I feel love with my friends / I feel love in my songs / If I could just hold love / Then all the answers might come / I said, oh, if we're all children of God / And we just turned away / I got a lack of belief / I said a world without faith / It's time we turn back around
Buffy: (finds Giles) So, you like to party with the students. Isn't that kinda skanky?
Giles: Oh, right, this is me having fun. Watching... clown hair prance about is hardly my idea of a party. I'd much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book.
Buffy: You need a personality, stat!
Giles: (points to the crowd below) This is a perfect breeding ground for vampire activity. It's dark, it's crowded... Besides, I knew you were likely to show up, and I have to make you understand--
Buffy: That the Harvest is coming. I know, your friend told me.
Giles: What did you say?
Buffy: The Harvest. That mean something to you? 'Cause I'm drawing a blank.
Giles: I'm not sure. Uh... W-who told you this?
Buffy: This... guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds.
Giles: No. The Harvest. Did he say anything else?
Buffy: Something about the Mouth of Hell. I *really* didn't like him!
The band has finished its song and there's lots of applause. They soon start their next song, "Swirl". Giles moves around Buffy, leans on the railing and looks down at the crowd.
Giles: Look at them, throwing themselves about, completely unaware of the danger that surrounds them.
Buffy: Lucky them.
Giles: Or perhaps you're right. Perhaps there is no trouble coming; the signs could be wrong. It's not as though you've been having the nightmares.
Buffy is silent. Cut to below.
Cordelia: My mom doesn't even *get* out of bed anymore. And the doctor says it's Epstein-Barr. I'm like, pleeease! It's chronic hepatitis, or at least chronic fatigue syndrome. I mean, *nobody* cool has Epstein-Barr anymore.
Jesse spots Cordelia and comes over.
Jesse: Hey, Cordelia!
Cordelia: Oh, yay, it's my stalker. (makes a face)
Jesse: Hey, you, uh, you look great!
Cordelia: Well, I'm glad we had this little chat.
Jesse: (coughs) Listen, uh, you know, you wanna dance, you know?
Cordelia: With you?
Jesse: Well, uh, yeah.
Cordelia: Well, uh, no! C'mon, guys.
She and her friends leave. Jesse is left in the dust.
Jesse: Fine! Plenty of other fish in the sea. Oh, yeah, I'm... on the prowl. Witness me prowling!
Cut to Buffy and Giles on the upper level.
Buffy: I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy-bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it. You know, if I see one, sure I'll--
Giles: (interrupting) Will you be ready? There's so much you don't know about them, about your own powers. A vampire appears to be completely normal until the feed is upon them, only then do they reveal their true demonic visage.
Buffy: You're like a textbook with arms, I know this.
Giles: The point is, a Slayer should be able to see them anyway. Without looking, without thinking. Can you tell me if there's a vampire in this building?
Buffy: Maybe...
Giles: You should know. Even through this mass and this... din, you should be able to sense them. Well, try! Reach out with your mind. (Buffy looks around) You have to hone your senses, focus until the energy washes over you, until you, you feel every particle of-of--
Buffy: There's one.
Giles: W-where?
Buffy: Right there, talking to that girl.
Giles: You don't know--
Buffy: Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up, and the shirt! Deal with that outfit for a moment.
Giles: It's dated?
Buffy: It's carbon dated. Trust me, only someone living underground for ten years would think that was still the look.
Giles: But you didn't... hone.
Buffy: (notices that the girl is Willow) Oh, no.
Giles: Isn't that--
Buffy: Willow.
Giles: What's she doing?
Buffy: Seizing the moment!
She starts down to rescue Willow.
Lyrics: We're formed in liquid / Pushed out still dripping / A world was thrown before my eyes
Cut to below. Willow is being led out of the Bronze by the vampire. Cut to Giles. He's at a loss for what to do.
Lyrics: Now paint a picture / Crayon stick figures / With blue-haired people, purple skies
Cut to below. Buffy has lost them. She tries the back. She breaks a leg off of a chair from a stack and begins to stalk. After a while Cordelia comes out of the restroom and surprises her. Buffy reacts, grabbing Cordelia by the throat and pushing her up against a wall.
Buffy: (recognizing) Cordelia! (she lets go)
Cordelia: God! What is your childhood trauma?!
Her entourage appears in the restroom door behind her.
Buffy: Have you guys seen Willow? Did she come by here?
Cordelia: Why? Do you need to attack her with the stick? Jeez!
Buffy turns and goes.
Cordelia: (to her groupies) Excuse me, I have to call *everyone* I have *ever* met, right now.
Cut to the main floor. Giles catches up with Buffy.
Giles: That *was* quick. Well done! I-I need to go to the library. This Harvest thing...
Buffy: I didn't find them!
He grabs Buffy by the arm and turns her to face him.
Giles: The vampire is not dead?
Buffy: No, but my social life is on the critical list.
Giles: (lets go of her) So, what do we do?
Buffy: I'll take care of it!
Giles: I-I-I need to come with you, yes?
Buffy: Don't worry. One vampire I can handle.
She leaves, walking past Jesse talking to Darla.
Jesse: So, um, what did you say your name was?
Darla: Darla.
Jesse: Darla. You know, I haven't seen you around before. Are you from around here?
Darla: No, but I have family here.
Jesse: Have I met them?
Darla: You probably will.
Cut to the Master's lair. The Master rises out of the pool of blood as Luke kneels and looks on. He steps out of the pool over to Luke and offers his hand. Luke takes it.
Luke: Master!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~
In the Master's lair.
Master: I am weak.
Luke: (quotes scripture) 'In the Harvest, he will be restored.'
Master: The Harvest.
Luke: We're almost there. Soon you'll be free!
The Master reaches his arm out to test his mystical confines.
Master: I must be ready. I need my strength.
Luke: I've sent your servants to bring you some food.
Master: Good. Luke?
Luke: Yes?
Master: Bring me something... young.
Cut to the sidewalk next to the cemetery. Willow and Thomas are walking.
Willow: Sure is dark.
Thomas: It's night.
Willow: Well, that's a dark time, night. Traditionally. I still can't believe I've never seen you at school. Do you have Mr. Chomsky for history?
Thomas ignores her babbling and heads into the cemetery.
Willow: Uh, the ice cream bar is this way. It's past Hamilton Street?
Thomas: I know a shortcut.
He grabs her hand and leads her into the cemetery.
Cut to outside the Bronze. Buffy is trying to find Willow.
Xander: Hey, you're leaving already?
Buffy: Oh, Xander! Have you seen Willow?
Xander: Not tonight, no.
Buffy: She left with a guy.
Xander: We're talking about Willow, right? Scorin' at the Bronze, work it girl--
Buffy: (interrupts) No, I need to find her. Where would he take her?
Xander: Why? Oh, hey, I hope he's not a vampire, because then you might have to slay him.
Buffy: (taken aback) Was there a-a school bulletin? Was it i-in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the Slayer?
Xander: No. I only know that you *think* that you're the Slayer, and the reason why I know that--
Buffy: (interrupts) Well, whatever, it doesn't matter, just tell me, where would Willow go?
Xander: You're serious!
Buffy: We don't find her and there's gonna be one more dead body in the morning!
Cut to the cemetery. Willow and Thomas are walking.
Willow: Oh, okay, th-this is nice... and scary. Are you sure this is faster?
They reach the mausoleum.
Thomas: Hey! Ever been in one of these?
Willow: No. Thank you. (turns away)
Thomas: Come on. (comes up behind her and pulls her hair back) What are you afraid of?
He moves in toward her neck. She lets out a yelp as he grabs her and pushes her into the mausoleum. Cut to inside the mausoleum. Willow trips down the stairs and stops up against the stone coffin. She turns around.
Willow: That wasn't funny!
Thomas comes down the steps. She backs away from him, against a wall. She trips over some stones.
Willow: I think I'm gonna go.
Thomas: Is that what you think?
He comes toward her again. She skirts by him, but only because he lets her. Darla blocks her way out of the mausoleum.
Darla: Is this the best you could do?
Thomas: She's fresh!
Darla: Hardly enough to share.
Thomas: Why didn't you bring your own?
Darla: (gives him a look) I did.
Jesse stumbles into the mausoleum, holding his neck.
Jesse: Hey! Wait up!
Willow: Oh, my God, Jesse!
He is weak from blood loss and collapses. Willow tries to catch him and breaks his fall.
Jesse: Y'know, you gave me a hickey.
Thomas gives Darla a look.
Darla: (shrugs) I got hungry on the way.
Willow: Jesse, let's get outta here!
Darla: Oh, you're not going anywhere.
Willow: (confronts her) Leave us alone!
Darla: You're not going anywhere until we've (vamps out) *fed*!
Willow screams and falls back down next to Jesse. Buffy and Xander show up.
Buffy: Well, this is nice. I-it's a little bare, but a dash of paint, a few throw pillows... call it home!
Buffy moves behind the coffin to draw the vampires away from the others.
Darla: Who the hell are you?
Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief, I'm telling you! Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.
Xander: Buffy, we bail now, right?
Thomas: Not yet!
Buffy: Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!
The vampires close in on her. She turns to Darla.
Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way.
Darla: That's fine with me!
Buffy: Are you sure? Now, this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...
Thomas roars behind Buffy. She pulls the chair leg out from inside her shirt. He attacks from behind, but Buffy neatly jams the makeshift stake into his chest. He falls back and turns to ashes. Darla can't believe her eyes. Neither can anyone else.
Buffy: See what happens when you roughhouse?
Darla: He was young and stupid!
Buffy: Xander, go!
Darla: Don't go far!
Buffy and Darla start to fight. Darla punches high, but Buffy blocks. Xander helps Willow pick up Jesse. Darla throws a backhand punch, but Buffy blocks again and follows up with a front snap kick to Darla's stomach. As she leans forward from the pain, Buffy slams her elbow into Darla's back. Cut to outside. Xander and Willow help Jesse out and they start to run. Cut to the mausoleum. Darla hits the wall and falls to the floor, winded.
Buffy: You know, I just wanted to start over. Be like everybody else. Have some friends, y'know, maybe a dog... But, no, you had to come here, you couldn't go suck on some other town.
Darla: Who are you?
Buffy: Don't you know?
Luke grabs her by the neck from behind.
Luke: I don't care!
He throws her across the room. He grabs Darla and lifts her to her feet.
Luke: You were supposed to be bringing an offering for the Master! We're almost at Harvest, and you dally with this child!
Darla: (fearfully) We had someone, but then she came. She killed Thomas. Luke, she's strong.
Luke: You go. I'll see if I can handle the little girl.
He approaches Buffy as she starts to get up, still a little dazed. Darla quickly climbs the steps, looks back once and runs out of the door. Luke attacks Buffy with a double punch, but she blocks it and delivers a punch to his gut and a hopping front snap kick to his jaw. He steps back, but isn't fazed.
Luke: You're strong.
He lands a solid backhand fist on her. She goes flying.
Luke: I'm stronger!
Cut to outside in the cemetery. Xander and Willow are supporting Jesse as they run.
Willow: We'll get the police, it's just a few blocks up!
They are stopped by a group of vampires. Cut to the mausoleum.
Luke: You're wasting my time.
She backs away up the stairs toward the exit.
Buffy: Hey, I had other plans, too, okay?
Luke shoves the heavy lid off of the coffin. Buffy does a cartwheel onto and over it to avoid it and kicks Luke in the chest with both feet, knocking him down. She grabs the stake from the floor and lunges at Luke, but he is too quick for her, and grabs her by the wrist.
Luke: You think you can stop me? Stop us?
He grabs the stake with his other hand and breaks it. Then he grabs her by the shirt.
Luke: You have no idea what you're dealing with.
He throws Buffy onto the rim of the now open coffin. She rolls off onto the floor, dazed. Luke gets up and starts toward her, quoting scripture.
Luke: 'And like a plague of boils, the race of man covered the Earth.'
Cut to the library. Giles is paging through an old volume and stops on a picture of Satan with lightning coming from his hand to a man's.
Luke: 'But on the third day of the newest light would come the Harvest. And the blood of men will flow as wine.'
Cut to the Master sitting in an intricately carved chair.
Luke: 'When the Master will walk among them once more.'
Cut to Xander, Willow and Jesse surrounded by vampires, including Darla.
Luke: 'The Earth will belong to the old ones.'
Cut to Buffy. Luke is in her face.
Luke: 'And Hell itself will come to town.'
He grabs Buffy and growls. He lifts her by the throat and throws her toward the coffin. Buffy flips over in a front layout and lands in the coffin next to a skeleton, and lets out a quick scream, but then remains silent, only breathing. She can't see or hear Luke. She slowly starts to get up. Suddenly Luke jumps up and into the coffin.
Luke: (smiling widely) Amen!
He moves in to bite Buffy.
To Be Continued...
The Harvest
Written by: Joss Whedon
Directed by: John Kretchmer
Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson
Copyright © 1997 Alexander Thompson
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
Inside the mausoleum. Luke tries to bite Buffy, but burns himself on the cross hanging around her neck and jerks back. Buffy seizes the opportunity and push kicks him out of the coffin. She climbs out of it and races outside. Cut outside. Buffy runs to catch up with Willow, Xander and Jesse. She hears a vampire roar and a girl screaming and runs toward the sounds. Cut to Willow on the ground, about to be bitten.
Willow: No! Get off!
Buffy: Hey!
The vampire looks up, and Buffy snap kicks him off of Willow. He gets up and runs away. Willow is shocked by what she sees. Buffy quickly starts the hunt again. Willow gets up and runs after her. Cut to Xander being dragged away by two vampires. Willow appears between two gravestones.
Willow: Xander!
The vampires are distracted. Buffy takes advantage of the opening and jumps in, high punches one and side kicks the other. She notices a dry branch on a tree and breaks it off. As one of the vampires gets up she plunges the stick into him. Willow rushes over to Xander who's still on the ground.
Willow: Xander, are you okay?
Xander: Man, something hit me.
Buffy: Where's Jesse?
Willow: I don't know! They surrounded us.
Xander: That girl grabbed him and took off.
Buffy: Which way?
Xander: I don't know.
She stands up straight and slowly scans the cemetery.
Buffy: (whispers) Jesse.
~~~~~~~~~ Credits ~~~~~~~~~~
Wolf: Howl.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
The library. The globe up on the stack level is spinning. Giles stops it while he lectures and makes his way down to where Buffy, Willow and Xander are at the study table.
Giles: This world is older than any of you know. Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons demons walked the Earth. They made it their home, their... their Hell. But in time they lost their purchase on this reality. The way was made for mortal animals, for, for man. All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magicks, certain creatures.
Buffy: And vampires.
Xander: Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a *talk* with vampires in it.
Willow: Isn't that what we saw last night?
Buffy: No. No, th-those weren't vampires, those were just guys in thundering need of a facial. Or maybe they had rabies. It could have been rabies. A-and that guy turning to dust? Just a trick of light. (Xander gives her a look) That's exactly what I said the first time I saw a vampire. Well, after I was done with the screaming part.
Willow: Oh, I-I need to sit down.
Buffy: You are sitting down.
Willow: Oh. Good for me.
Xander: So vampires are demons?
Giles: The books tell the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed, infected by the demon's soul. He bit another, and another, and so they walk the Earth, feeding... Killing some, mixing their blood with others to make more of their kind. Waiting for the animals to die out, and the old ones to return.
Cut to the sewers. Darla and Luke are forcing Jesse into the Master's lair.
Luke: Move!
They reach the lair, which is actually what remains of a church, and Luke forces Jesse down the slope to the floor below. The Master approaches.
Master: Is this for me?
Luke: An offering, Master.
Darla: He's a good one! His blood is pure!
Master: (draws the obvious conclusion) You've tasted it.
Darla looks down in shame.
Master: I'm your... faithful dog. You bring me scraps.
Darla: I, I didn't mean it--
Master: I have waited. For three score years I have waited. While you come and go I am stuck here, here in this house of... (with extreme contempt) worship! My ascension is almost at hand. Pray that when it comes... (takes Darla by the neck) I'm in a better mood.
Darla: Master, forgive me! We had more offerings, but there was trouble. A girl!
Luke: And there was a girl. She fought well and she knew of our breed. It is possible that she may be...
Master: A Slayer!
Cut to the library.
Xander: And that would be a what?
Giles: For as long as there have been vampires, there's been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One.
Buffy: He loves doing this part.
Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.
Xander: Except for one thing: how do you kill them?
Buffy: *You* don't, *I* do.
Xander: Well, Jesse's my--
Buffy: (interrupts) Jesse is *my* responsibility. I let him get taken.
Xander: That's not true.
Willow: If you hadn't shown up they would have taken us, too. Does anybody mind if I pass out?
Buffy: Breathe.
Willow: Breathe.
Buffy: Breathe. (to Giles) This big guy, Luke. He talked about an offering to the Master. Now, I don't know what or who, but if they weren't just feeding then Jesse may still be alive. I'm gonna find him.
Willow: Uh, this may be the dumb question, but shouldn't we call the police?
Giles: And they'd believe us, of course.
Willow: Well, we don't have to say vampires. We, we could just say that there's a, a bad man.
Buffy: They couldn't handle it even of they did show up. They'd only come with guns.
Giles: You have no idea where they took Jesse?
Buffy: I looked around, but soon as they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom!
Xander: They can fly?
Buffy: They can drive.
Xander: Oh.
Willow: I don't remember hearing a car.
Giles: Let's take an enormous intuitive leap, shall we, and say they went underground.
Buffy: Vampires really jam on sewer systems. You can get anywhere in the entire town without catching any rays. But I didn't see any access around there.
Xander: Well, there's an electrical tunnel that runs under the whole town.
Giles: If we had a diagnostic of the tunnel system it might indicate a, a meeting place, it would, uh... I suppose we could go to the building commission.
Buffy: We *so* don't have time.
Willow: Uh, guys? There may be another way.
Cut to the Master's lair.
Master: A Slayer! Have you any proof?
Luke: Only that she fought me, and yet lives.
Master: Hmm, very nearly proof enough. I can't remember the last time that happened.
Luke: 1843. Madrid. He caught me sleeping.
Master: She mustn't be allowed to interfere with the Harvest!
Luke: I would never let that happen!
Master: Don't worry about it. I believe she'll come to us. We have something she wants.
Luke smiles at Jesse.
Master: If she is a Slayer, and this boy lives, she'll try to save him.
Luke: I thought you nothing more than a meal, boy.
He moves behind Jesse and takes his neck.
Luke: Congratulations, you've just been upgraded. To bait.
Cut to the library. Willow has the city plans on the computer monitor.
Buffy: There it is.
Willow: That runs under the graveyard.
Xander: I don't see any access.
Giles: So, all the city plans are just, uh, open to the public?
Willow: Um, well, i-in a way. I sort of stumbled onto them when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system.
Xander: Someone's been naughty.
Buffy: There's nothing here, this is useless!
Giles: I think you're being a bit hard on yourself.
Buffy: You're the one that told me that I wasn't prepared enough. Understatement! (exhales) I thought I was on top of everything, and then that monster, Luke, came out of nowhere...
She flashes back to the fight in the mausoleum.
Xander: What?
Buffy: He didn't come out of nowhere. He came from behind me. I was facing the entrance, he came from behind me, and he didn't follow me out. The access to the tunnels is in the mausoleum! The girl must have doubled back with Jesse after I got out! God! I am so mentally challenged!
Xander: So, what's the plan? We saddle up, right?
Buffy: There's no 'we', okay? I'm the Slayer, and you're not.
Xander: I knew you'd throw that back in my face.
Buffy: Xander, this is deeply dangerous.
Xander: I'm inadequate. That's fine. I'm less than a man.
Willow: Buffy, I'm not anxious to go into a dark place full of monsters. But I do want to help. I need to.
Giles: Well, then help me. I've been researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, Hell on Earth, quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine.
Everyone stares at him. He looks back at them all.
Giles: That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Buffy: (smiles) Welcome to the New World.
Giles: (to Willow) I want you to go on the 'Net.
Willow: Oh, sure, I can do that. (begins to type)
Buffy: Then I'm outta here. If Jesse's alive, I'll bring him back. (starts to leave)
Giles: Do I have to tell you to be careful?
Buffy turns back, gives Giles a look and goes.
Cut outside. Buffy is making strides for a side gate. Mr. Flutie is there and stops her.
Mr. Flutie: And where do we think we're going?
Buffy: We? (turns to face him) I... Me...
Mr. Flutie: We're not leaving school grounds, are we?
Buffy: No! No, I'm... just admiring the fence. You know, this is quality fence work.
Mr. Flutie: Because if we were leaving schools grounds on our second day at a new school, after getting kicked out of our old school for delinquent behavior... Do you see where I'm going with this?
Buffy: Mr. Giles...
Mr. Flutie: What?
Buffy: He asked me to get a book for him. Uh, from the store, 'cause I have a free period, and I'm a big reader. Did it mention that in my transcripts?
Mr. Flutie: Mr. Giles?
Buffy: Ask him.
Mr. Flutie: (swings the gate closed) Well, maybe that's how they do things in *Britain*, they've got that royal family and all kinds of problems, (locks it) but here at Sunnydale nobody leaves campus while school's in session. Are we clear?
Buffy: We're clear.
Mr. Flutie: That's the Buffy Summers I want in my school. Sensible girl with her feet on the ground!
He turns and leaves. Buffy watches him go. When he's gone a ways she crouches and leaps the fence.
Cut to Willow and Xander walking down a hall.
Willow: Murder, death, disaster. What else?
Xander: Paranormal, unexplained, did you get natural disasters?
Willow: Earthquake, flood.
Xander: Rain of Toads.
Willow: Right.
Xander: Rain of Toads! Do you think they'd have anything like that in the paper?
Willow: I'll put it on the computer search. If it's in there, it'll turn up. Anything that'll lead us to vampires.
Xander: And I, in the meantime, will help by standing around like an idiot.
Willow: Not like an idiot, just... standing. Buffy doesn't want you getting hurt.
They stop in front of their next class.
Willow: I don't want you getting hurt.
Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
Willow: I know. And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day.
Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.
Willow: We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't.
Xander: Right. Look, maybe you should get to class. (indicates the door)
Willow: You mean 'we'. We should get to class.
Xander: Yeah.
Willow: Buffy'll be okay. Whatever's down there, I think she can handle it.
Xander: Yeah, I do, too.
Willow: So do I!
Cut to inside the mausoleum. Buffy comes in slowly, looking and listening. She scans around. Satisfied that no one's there, she walks down the steps to the floor. She hears a rat behind her and twists to look toward the sound. She continues and finds the tunnel access. It's locked with a chain. She lifts the lock. Angel appears behind her.
Angel: (exhales)
Buffy: I don't suppose you've got a key on you?
Angel: They really don't like me dropping in.
Buffy: (faces him) Why not?
Angel: They really don't like me.
Buffy: How could that possibly be?
Angel: I knew you'd figure out this entryway sooner or later. Actually, I thought it was gonna be a *little* sooner.
Buffy: Sorry you had to wait. (exhales) Okay. Look, if you're gonna be popping up with this Cryptic Wise Man act on a regular basis, can you at least tell me your name?
Angel: Angel.
Buffy: Angel. It's a pretty name.
She turns to the tunnel entrance.
Angel: Don't... go down there.
Buffy: (turns back) Deal with my going.
Angel: You shouldn't be putting yourself at risk. Tonight is the Harvest. Unless you can prevent it, the Master walks.
Buffy: Well, if this Harvest thing is such a suckfest, why don't *you* stop it?
Angel: 'Cause I'm afraid.
She looks at him for a moment and then spins around quickly, kicking open the doors to the tunnel. She turns back to him.
Angel: They'll be expecting you.
Buffy: I've got a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it's like to have a friend?
He lowers his eyes as a look of sadness fills them.
Buffy: That wasn't supposed to be a stumper.
They look at each other a moment longer.
Angel: When you hit the tunnels head east towards the school. That's where you're likely to find them.
Buffy: You gonna wish me luck?
Angel says nothing. They look at each other for another moment, then Buffy turns and heads into the tunnels. He watches her go.
Angel: (whispers) Good luck!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
Inside the tunnels. Buffy comes down a flight of stairs. She looks around. She hears rats. One crawls across her shoes. She slowly starts down the tunnels. There are lights at regular intervals. When she reaches an intersection, Xander surprises her from behind.
Xander: Did you see anything?
Buffy: (exhales in fright) Xander, what are you doing here?!
Xander: Something stupid. I followed you.
Buffy: Well, you--
Xander: (interrupts) I couldn't just sit at home and do nothing.
Buffy: I understand. Now, go away!
Xander: No!
Buffy: Xander, you're gonna have to.
Xander: Look, Jesse's my bud, okay? If I can help him out, that's what I gotta do.
Buffy considers, then nods her head for him to follow. She starts down the tunnel again.
Xander: Besides, it's this or chem class.
Cut to them reaching the top of some stairs.
Xander: Okay, so, crosses, garlic, stake through the heart.
Buffy: That'll get it done.
Xander: Cool! Of course, I don't actually have any of those things.
Buffy: (hands him a cross) Good thinking.
Xander: Well, the part of my brain that would tell me to bring that stuff is still busy telling me not to come down here. I have this, though. (turns on a flashlight)
Buffy: Turn that off!
Xander: (turns it off) Okay! Okay! So, what else?
Buffy: What else what?
Xander: For vampire slayage.
Buffy: Oh, fire, beheading, sunlight, holy water, the usual.
Xander: You've done some beheading in your time?
Buffy: Oh, yeah. There was this time I was pinned down by this guy that played left tackle for varsity... Well, at least he used to before he was a vampire... Anyway, he had this really, really thick neck, and all I had was a little, little Exact-O knife...
Xander laughs nervously.
Buffy: You're not loving this story.
Xander: No, actually, I find it oddly comforting.
Cut to the library. Giles is reading from a volume.
Giles: 'For they will gather and be gathered. From the Vessel pours life.' P... Pours life...
He turns the page back to the picture of Satan feeding power to a man.
Giles: 'On the night of the crescent moon, the first past the solstice it will come...' Of course. That's tonight!
Cut to the computer lab. Cordelia is struggling with her computer programming assignment.
Cordelia: No! It's supposed to find the syntax and match it. Or wait...
Harmony: Are we going to the Bronze tonight?
Cordelia: No, we're going to the other cool place in Sunnydale.
Harmony looks confused.
Cordelia: Of course we're going to the Bronze. Friday night? No cover? But you should have been there last night. 'Cause I ran into Buffy...
Willow overhears the conversation.
Cordelia: ...and can she be any weirder? She attacked me! Do you believe it?
Harmony: (exhales) I think we did this part wrong.
Cordelia: Why do we have to devise these programs, isn't that what nerds are for? (whispers, indicating Willow) What'd she do?
Harmony looks at Willow's screen. She's surfing a newspaper archive website.
Harmony: (to Cordelia) Uh, she's doing something else.
Cordelia: Okay, and then pattern run, right? Or go to end? That's it!
Harmony: Maybe!
Cordelia: So anyway, I come outta the bathroom, and she comes running at me. Screaming! With a stick! 'I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you!' I swear!
Boy: Who?
Cordelia: Buffy!
Harmony: The new girl?
Boy: What's her deal?
Cordelia: Well, she's crazed.
Harmony: Did you hear about her old school?
Cordelia and the boy both shake their heads.
Harmony: Booted.
Cordelia: Well, I exhibit no surprise.
Boy: Why was she kicked out?
Cordelia: Uh, because she's a psycho loony!
Willow: (interjects) No, she's not.
Cordelia: What?
Willow: (turns to them) She's not a psycho. You don't even know her.
Cordelia: Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist?
Willow turns away, eyes down.
Cordelia: Do I horn in on your private discussions? No. Why? Because you're boring.
Willow gets up and goes to get her printouts.
Harmony: Okay, I think the program's done.
Cordelia: Finally the nightmare ends! Okay, so how do we save it?
Willow: Deliver.
Cordelia: Deliver? Where's that? (searches the keyboard) Oh!
She hits the "Del" key, and her program disappears. She stares at the screen in wide-eyed, open-mouthed horror.
Cut to the tunnels.
Buffy: They're close.
Xander: How can you tell?
Buffy: No more rats.
Xander turns on his flashlight and spots Jesse on the ground.
Xander: Jesse!
Buffy: Oh, no!
Jesse reacts and jumps up.
Xander: J-J-Jesse!
Jesse: Xander!
The two boys embrace.
Xander: Jesse, man, are you okay?
Jesse: I am not okay, on an *epic* scale.
Buffy shines the light on the shackles around Jesse's ankle.
Jesse: We gotta get outta here!
Xander: It's cool, Buffy's a superhero.
Buffy: Hold on... (breaks the shackles)
Xander: Do you think anyone heard that?
They see shadows moving on the walls and start to run down the tunnel. Vampires come around the corner. Cut to Xander, Buffy and Jesse in another part of the tunnel.
Jesse: They knew you were gonna come. They said that I... I was the bait.
Xander: Oh, great, now you tell us.
They round a corner and are met by vampires.
Buffy: Oops!
Jesse: Oh, no, no, no, no!
Buffy: Do you know another way out?
Jesse: I dunno. Maybe. C'mon!
They run. At another intersection they see glowing eyes to their right.
Jesse: Wait, wait. They brought me through here, there, there should be a way up. I hope!
Jesse leads them into a chamber.
Buffy: I don't think this is the way out!
Xander: We can't fight our way back through those things. What do we do?
Jesse: I got an idea. (vamps out) You can die!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
In the chamber.
Xander: Jesse, man. I'm sorry.
Jesse: Sorry? I feel good, Xander! I feel strong! I'm connected, man, to everything!
Buffy begins struggling with the door, trying to close it.
Jesse: I, I can hear the worms in the earth!
Xander: That's a plus.
Jesse: I know what the Master wants. I'll serve his purpose. That means you die. And I feed.
Buffy: (looks back at them) Xander, the cross!
He holds the cross up to Jesse's face. Jesse steps back and growls.
Xander: Jesse, man. We're buds, don't you remember?
Jesse: You're like a shadow to me now.
Xander: Then get outta my face.
Jesse knocks Xander's arm to the side, making him hit the wall. He jumps to the other side of the room, facing Xander. Buffy grabs him from behind and throws him out of the chamber into the advancing vampires, knocking them all down, and goes back to trying to close the door.
Buffy: (to Xander) Help me!
Xander jumps up to help, and together they get it to move. They close it on a vampire's arm. The vampire pulls its arm back out of the door, and Buffy slams it shut and closes the latch. The vampires begin pounding on the door.
Buffy: We need to get out of here!
Xander: There is no out of here!
He uses his flashlight to look around and spots a grate in the ceiling.
Xander: Up there!
Buffy leaps on top of a barrel and begins to pry the grate open. The vampires have started to bend in a corner of the door. They twist it and push it in further. Buffy gets the grate open.
Buffy: Go!
She helps Xander crawl up into a ventilation duct. A vampire starts to struggle through the bent corner of the door. He reaches in and pulls the latch open as Xander gets through the grate. Buffy follows him quickly as the first vampire enters the chamber. He follows them through the grate into the duct. Xander and Buffy crawl like mad. He finds a
ladder up to a manhole and starts climbing the rungs. Buffy follows. The vampire is right behind them. Xander pushes open the manhole cover and climbs out into daylight. He turns to help Buffy out. The vampire grabs her ankle and tries to pull her back down.
Buffy: Xander, pull!
He pulls on her, and the vampire's hand is exposed to the sunlight and burns. The vampire lets go, and they tumble backward to the ground.
Cut to the Master's lair.
Master: She escaped? She walks free when I should be drinking her heart's blood right now? Careless...
Colin: Master, we had her trapped!
Master: Oh, are you going to make excuses?
Colin remains silent.
Master: You are all weak. It has been too long since you have faced the Slayer. Huh. It is no matter to me. She will not stop the Harvest. Just means there'll be someone worth killing... when I reach the surface. Is Luke ready?
Colin: He waits.
Master: It's time. Bring him to me.
Colin turns to go get Luke.
Master: Ah, Colin... (Colin turns back) You failed me. Tell me you're
sorry.
Colin: I'm sorry!
Master: There. That wasn't so bad, was it? Hold on...
He stabs his finger into Colin's face.
Master: You've got something in your eye.
Cut to the library where Giles is still doing his research. He hears someone come in.
Giles: Buffy?
Willow: It's just me. So there's no word?
Giles: Ah, not as yet, no.
Willow: Well, I-I'm sure they're... great.
Giles: Did you find anything of interest?
Willow: I think, maybe... I surfed through the old newspapers around
the time of that big earthquake back in '37? And for several months
before there were a rash of murders. (hands him her printouts)
Giles: Great! I-I mean, well, not, not 'great' in a good way, uh, um,
uh, go on?
Willow: Well, they sound like the kind you were looking for. (flips
through the pages) Throats, blood... (looks squeamish)
Giles: It's all coming together. I rather wish it weren't.
Cut to the Master's lair. Luke approaches the Master and kneels before him. The Master offers his hand. Luke takes it and kisses it. He releases it and the Master turns it over to offer the underside of his wrist. Darla is watching and smiles. Luke opens the cuff of the Master's sleeve and pulls it back. He takes his hand again, sinks his fangs into the wrist above it and drinks of the blood. He releases the hand, and the Master takes it back.
Master: My blood is your blood. My soul is your soul.
Luke: My body is your instrument.
The Master steps down to Luke and begins to draw a three-pointed star on Luke's forehead with the blood still flowing from his wrist.
Master: On this... most hallowed night... we are as one. Luke is the
Vessel!
Darla's smile widens.
Master: Every soul he takes will feed me. And their souls will grant me the strength to free myself. Tonight I shall walk the Earth, and the stars themselves will hide!
Cut to the library. Willow is looking at one of Giles' volumes. She hears the door open and looks up to see Xander and Buffy come in.
Willow: Did you find Jesse?
Xander: Yeah.
Willow: Was he dead?
Buffy: Worse. (sits at the end of the table) I'm sorry, Willow. We were too late. And they were waiting for us.
Willow: At least you two are okay.
Xander violently kicks a waste basket. Buffy is startled.
Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good.
Buffy: (turns to Giles) So, Giles! Got anything that can make this day any worse?
He goes over to the whiteboard and puts down his pen.
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: Knew I could count on you.
Giles: This is what we know. Some sixty years ago, a very old, very powerful vampire came to this shore, not just to feed.
Buffy: He came 'cause this town's a mystical who's it.
Giles: Yes. The Spanish who first settled here called it 'Boca del Infierno'. Roughly translated, 'Hellmouth'. It's a sort of, um, portal between this reality and the next. This vampire hopes to open it.
Buffy: Bring the demons back.
Xander: End of the world.
Willow: But he blew it! Or, I mean, there was an earthquake that swallowed half the town, and him, too.
Giles: You see, opening dimensional portals is a tricky business. Odds are he got himself stuck, rather like a, uh, cork in a bottle.
Xander: And this Harvest thing is to get him out.
Giles: It comes once in a century, on this night. The Master can draw power from one of his minions while it feeds. Enough power to break free and open the portal. The minion is called the Vessel, and he bears this symbol.
He draws a three-pointed star on the whiteboard.
Buffy: So, I dust anyone sporting that symbol, and no Harvest.
Giles: Simply put, yes.
Buffy: Any idea where this little get-together is being held?
Giles: There, there are a number of possibilities.
Xander: They're goin' to the Bronze.
Willow: Are you sure?
Xander: Come on. All those tasty young morsels all over the place? Anyway, that's where Jesse's gonna be, trust me.
Giles grabs his coat and starts out of the library. The others begin to follow.
Giles: Then we should get there. The sun will be down before long.
Buffy: I gotta make a stop. Won't take long.
Giles: What for?
Buffy: Supplies.
Cut to a view of the sun setting above a ridge. Cut to Buffy in her room. She goes to her closet and pulls out a heavy, black jacket. Her mother walks into the room.
Joyce: Buffy?
Buffy: Mom!
Joyce: You're going out?
Buffy: I have to. (puts on her jacket)
Joyce: I didn't hear you come in last night.
Buffy: I was really quiet.
Joyce: It's happening again, isn't it? I got a call from your new principal. Says you missed some classes today?
Buffy: I was running an errand.
Joyce: We haven't finished unpacking, and I'm getting calls from the principal.
Buffy: Mom, I promise, it is *not* gonna be like before. But I *have*
to go.
Joyce: No.
Buffy: Mom?!
Joyce: The tapes all say I should get used to saying it. No.
Buffy: This is really, really important.
Joyce: I know. If you don't go out it'll be the end of the world. Everything is life or death when you're a sixteen-year-old girl.
Buffy: Look, I don't have time to talk about this...
Joyce: Buffy, you've got all the time in the world, you're not going anywhere. Now, if you wanna stay up here and sulk, I won't hold it against you. But if you wanna come down, I'll make us some dinner.
She leaves the room, pulling the door closed behind her. Buffy can't believe what just happened. She leans against the closet door, takes a deep breath and exhales. Then she turns and opens the closet again and pulls out a large chest. It has a flat box in it full of her stuff. She lifts out the box to reveal what's underneath. Stakes, crosses, garlic, bottles of holy water. She pulls a bunch out and puts it in her sports bag. She takes a particularly sharp stake and conceals it in her jacket sleeve. She closes the chest, zips the bag closed and goes over to her door to make sure her mother isn't nearby. Then she grabs the bag, slides it out of the window onto the roof and climbs out after it.
Cut to the sun going down over a hill. Cut to the Bronze. The doorman is checking ID's. Cut inside to the upper level. Cordelia and her friends find a table.
Cordelia: Senior boys are the only way to go. Guys from our grade, forget about it, they're children. Y'know? (they sit) Like Jesse. Did you see him last night, following me around like a little puppy dog. (they all giggle) You just wanna put him to sleep. But senior boys, hmm, they have mystery. They have... What's the word I'm searching for? Cars! I just am not the type to settle. Y'know? It's like when I go shopping. I have to have the most expensive thing. Not because it's expensive, but because it costs more.
Girl: You know, I--
Cordelia: Hello, Miss Motormouth, can I get a sentence finished? Oh, I love this song! Come on!
Cordelia and her gang make their way to the dance floor and start to move to the sound of "Wearing Me Down" by the Dashboard Prophets.
Lyrics: You fight the good fight / You fight the good war / You fight to be right / You fight to restore / Why should I believe a word that you say / It was just a game that you don't wanna play / And I say / It's wearing me down, I realize / It's all in my head now, now, and I realize / It's not what you've done / As much as what you've said / As what you've said / As what you've said / As what you've said
Jesse watches Cordelia from the side. He walks onto the dance floor. The song is over, and Cordelia stops dancing. She starts to leave, but Jesse is standing in front of her, fingers on his lips.
Cordelia: Uh, what do you want?
Another song, "Ballad For Dead Friends", starts. Jesse lowers his hand, takes hers and leads her back onto the dance floor.
Cordelia: Hey! Hello! Caveman brain! What are you doing?
Jesse: Shut up!
He begins to dance with her.
Cordelia: Well, just one dance.
They dance close. Cut to outside where the doorman is counting money. Darla comes out of the shadows in a bouncy walk. She turns around and walks backward while other vampires come into the light behind her. She turns back again and approaches the doorman. They're all sporting their game faces.
Lyrics: How are you feelin'? / Do you feel okay? / 'Cause I don't!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~
Outside the Bronze. The vampires head in.
Doorman: Need ID. (looks up) Hey! Nobody gets inside until I get some sorta--
Luke: (growls in the doorman's face) Get inside.
Cut inside. The vampires come in, pushing the doorman in with them. The last one shuts the door and stands guard.
Lyrics: How are you feelin'? / Do you feel okay? / 'Cause I don't!
One of the vampires makes his way to the upper level. Another one finds the main power switch and shuts it off. The people start complaining and wondering what happened. Luke gets up on the stage.
Luke: Ladies and Gentlemen! There is no cause for alarm. Actually, there is cause for alarm. It just won't do any good.
There are screams from the crowd as they see Luke's face. He laughs.
Cordelia: I thought there wasn't any band tonight.
She looks at Jesse next to her. He's got his game face on, and she inhales in fright.
Luke: This is a glorious night! It is also the last one any of you shall ever see. Bring me the first.
A vampire brings the doorman to Luke.
Doorman: What do you guys want, man, huh? You want money? Man, what's wrong with your faces?
Luke grabs him by the throat. He wraps his other arm around the doorman's head.
Luke: Watch me, people. Fear is like an elixir. It's almost like blood.
He bites the doorman and feeds on him. The doorman screams. Cut to the Master in his lair. He raises his head as he feels the first of the souls that will be taken for him. Cut to Luke. He drops the doorman's body.
Luke: Next!
Cut outside. The team arrives running. Buffy tries the door.
Buffy: It's locked!
Giles: We're too late!
Buffy: Well I didn't know I was gonna get grounded!
Xander: Can you break it down?
Buffy: No, not that thing. Um... You guys try the back entrance, and I'll find my own way.
Giles: Right. Come on.
Buffy: Um, wait! Guys! Here! (hands Willow her bag) You get the exit cleared and the people out. That's all! Don't go Wild Bunch on me.
Giles: Uh, see you inside, then.
Giles, Xander and Willow run around to the back. Cut to the back. Willow tries the door. It's locked, too.
Willow: No joy!
Xander: We've gotta get in there before Jesse does something stupider than usual.
Giles: You listen to me! Jesse is dead! You have to remember that when you see him, you're not looking at your friend. You're looking at the thing that killed him.
Cut to the Master, testing his confines. Cut to Luke, feeding on a girl. Cut to the Master.
Master: Almost free!
Cut to Luke, still feeding on the girl. Cut to the Master.
Master: Give me moooooore!
Cut to Luke. He's finished with the girl and drops her body. Cut to Darla and Jesse. She wants to take Cordelia to Luke.
Jesse: This one's mine!
Darla: They're all for the Master.
She pulls on Cordelia. Jesse lets go of her.
Jesse: I don't get one?
Cut to Buffy breaking an upper window and crawling in.
Luke: I feel the Master's strength growing!
Buffy sees Luke on the stage.
Luke: I feel him rising. Every soul brings him closer! I need another!
Buffy: (to herself) The Vessel.
The vampire on the upper level sees Buffy and growls. She looks over at him.
Luke: Tonight is his ascension. Tonight will be history at its end! Yours is a glorious sacrifice! Degradation most holy. (no one in the crowd stirs) What? No volunteers?!
Darla: (brings him Cordelia) Here's a pretty one.
Cordelia screams when she sees Luke up close. He caresses her face. He's about to bite her when Buffy kicks the vampire down from above them. Luke watches him land with a thud. Buffy approaches the railing.
Buffy: Oh, I'm sorry, were you in the middle of something?
Luke: You!
Buffy: You didn't think I'd miss this. Did you?
Luke: I hoped you'd come.
Buffy: Be right down!
She steps away from the railing and executes a roundoff to get down. She lands on a pool table. A vampire attacks from her right. Buffy does a front walkover off of the table, grabbing a pool cue on the way. When she lands she thrusts it into her attacker and lets go. He begins to fall and burst into ashes.
Buffy: Okay, Vessel boy. (removes her jacket) You want blood?
Luke: I want yours! (releases Cordelia) Only yours!
Buffy: (shrugs) Works for me.
She runs and cartwheels up onto the stage, and immediately launches into a full spinning hook kick. Luke staggers into a pile of chairs. Buffy assumes a fighting position. Luke gets up and growls. He comes at her and swings, but she ducks the punch and comes up behind him. He tries a backhand punch, but she blocks him, holds onto his arm and gives him three roundhouse kicks to his stomach before he shakes loose. She takes her stake and lunges at him. He blocks the lunge, knocking the stake from her grip. He lifts her up and throws her into a pile of boxes.
Cut to the back of the Bronze. Giles, Willow and Xander break in.
Giles: Hurry!
Xander runs in to see what's going on. He sees Buffy is down. She gets up, so Xander turns his attention to the crowd.
Xander: (in a low voice) C'mon! Let's go! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!
Cut to the back. Giles guides the people to the back door.
Giles: (whispers) Hurry up! Come on! Through this door! Come on! This way!
Cut to the main room. Buffy spins around and lands a backhand punch on Luke's face, knocking him into another pile of stuff. He's dazed. Buffy turns to see a vampire grab Xander. She grabs a cymbal from a drum set and throws it at the vampire like a Frisbee. Xander sees it coming and ducks. The cymbal decapitates the vampire.
Xander: Head's up!
Buffy can't resist a chuckle. Luke grabs her from behind. Cut to Cordelia on the floor with Jesse above her. She struggles and he grabs her arms.
Jesse: Hold still! You're not making this easy!
Xander comes up behind him, stake in hand.
Xander: Jesse, man! Don't make me do it.
Jesse turns to look up at Xander.
Jesse: Buddy!
Cut to Buffy being held tightly from behind by Luke.
Luke: I always wanted to kill a Slayer!
Cut to the back where Giles and Willow are still guiding people out.
Giles: One at a time! Quickly! Quickly!
He crosses to the other side of the room in front of some stairs. Darla is standing on the steps above him.
Giles: We're going to have to open the front as well!
Darla leaps onto him from behind, knocking him to the floor. Cut to Xander and Jesse.
Xander: Jesse! I know there's still a part of you in there.
Jesse: (jumps up) Okay... Let's deal with this. Jesse was an excruciating loser who couldn't get a date with anyone in the sighted community! Look at me. I'm a new man!
Cut to Buffy and Luke.
Luke: Master! Taste of this... and be free!
He roars and moves in to bite Buffy. She senses his proximity and snaps her head back to land a headbutt on his face, knocking him off of her and back to the wall. She turns to him, winded.
Buffy: How'd it taste?
Cut to Giles and Darla struggling on the floor. Willow approaches them while taking out a jar of holy water.
Willow: Get off of him!
Darla is distracted and looks up. Willow throws the holy water at her. It burns her face and steams. She gets up and runs from the club, screaming. Cut to Jesse and Xander. Jesse grabs Xander by the jacket and lifts him around against a wall. Xander has the stake pointed at Jesse's chest.
Jesse: Ooo! Alright. Put me out of my misery. You don't have the guts.
A fleeing patron bumps into Jesse, impaling him on the stake. Xander lets go of the stake, and Jesse begins to fall. He turns to ashes before he even hits the floor. Two vampires grab Xander. Cut to Buffy. She grabs a microphone stand and holds it like a javelin.
Luke: You forget, metal can't hurt me.
Buffy: There's something you forgot about, too. Sunrise!
She throws the stand at the window behind Luke. He ducks, and it breaks the window behind him. A bright light pours in through it. Buffy spies the stake she dropped on the stage and picks it up. Luke gets up and shields his face with his hands, expecting to be burned. He stops when he realizes it's only a bright lamp. Buffy lunges at him from behind and jams the stake home.
Buffy: It's in about nine hours, moron!
Luke begins to stagger off of the stage. Cut to the Master. He's testing the strength of his confines. Cut to Luke. He continues to stagger. Cut to the Master. Still testing. Cut to Luke. He falls from the stage and explodes into ash. Cut to the Master. He feels Luke's death and falls to his knees.
Master: Noooooooo! Noooooooo!
Cut to Buffy. She stares at Luke's ashes. The two vampires still have Xander. She lifts her gaze to meet theirs. The vampires panic and run. Cut outside. The vampires run past Angel standing behind some crates stacked against a wall. He watches them run, then looks back the other way.
Angel: She did it! I'll be damned!
He walks away. Cut inside to the stage. Buffy hops down to the floor. Giles and Willow meet her.
Giles: I take it it's over.
Willow: Did we win?
Buffy: Well, we averted the Apocalypse. I give us points for that.
Xander: One thing's for sure: nothing's ever gonna be the same.
Cut to Sunnydale High the next Monday. Everything appears normal. Buffy walks along and overhears Cordelia talking to a friend.
Cordelia: Well, I heard it was rival gangs. You know, fighting for turf? But all I can tell you is they were an ugly way of looking. And Buffy, like, knew them! Which is just too weird. I mean, I don't even remember that much, but I'm telling you, it was a freak show!
Girl: Oh, I wish I'd been there!
Cordelia: You should have been there. It was so creepy...
She and her friend walk off. Buffy meets Xander.
Buffy: What exactly were you expecting?
Xander: I don't know, something. I mean, the dead rose. We should at least have an assembly.
They run into Giles and Willow, and the four of them continue to walk.
Giles: People have a tendency to rationalize what they can and forget what they can't.
Buffy: Believe me, I've seen it happen.
Willow: Well, I'll never forget it, none of it.
Giles: Good! Next time you'll be prepared.
Xander: Next time?
Willow: Next time is why?
Giles: We've prevented the Master from freeing himself and opening the Mouth of Hell. That's not to say he's going to stop trying. I'd say the fun is just beginning.
Willow: More vampires?
They stop walking.
Giles: Not just vampires. The next threat we face may be something quite different.
Buffy: I can hardly wait!
Giles: We're at the center of a mystical convergence here. We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school!
The three students continue to class. Giles stays behind and watches them go.
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying.
Giles turns to go back to his library.
Giles: The Earth is doomed!
The Witch
Written by: Dana Reston
Directed by: Stephen Cragg
Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson
Copyright © 1997 Alexander Thompson
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
Sunnydale High School. Cut to the library.
Giles: (upset) This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You
are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! (begins pacing) I make allowances
for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and
instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... (stops pacing)
Cult?
Buffy: (wearing a cheerleader outfit) You don't like the color?
Giles: I d... (exasperated) Do you, um... (puts some books on a cart)
Do you ignore everything I say as a, as a rule?
Buffy: No, I believe that's your trick.
Giles pushes the cart to the counter. Buffy skips in front of him and
poses.
Buffy: I told you, I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad!
Giles: You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy
vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid
it. (goes back to the table)
Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how?
Giles: Well, I... (sits on the edge of the table and crosses his arms)
By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists.
Buffy: I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, okay? I just
wanna have a life, I wanna do something normal. Something safe.
Cut to the witch's attic. The camera moves through the dark space. There
are flowers and herbs hanging upside down from the rafters to dry and
personal items with identification tags. The witch moves around in the
darkness. The camera follows her to the cauldron. She waves a pendant on
a chain over the brew, then pulls it back. She goes over to a rack and
yanks off a doll hanging there by its neck on a wire.
Cut to the gym. Cheerleader tryouts are about to start. Girls are
stretching and practicing, doing back handsprings, cartwheels and
walking handstands. One girl does a roundoff followed by a back
handspring. Buffy, Willow and Xander come through the door.
Willow: Giles didn't approve, huh?
Buffy: He totally lost his water. We haven't seen a vampire in over a
week. I'd say he should get a girlfriend if he wasn't so old.
Willow: Well, we're behind you.
Xander: People scoff at things like school spirit, but look at these
girls giving their all like this!
He notices Amber doing the splits between two chairs.
Xander: Ooo, stretchy! Where was I?
Willow: You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in
revealing postures was a spiritual experience.
Xander: Who said I was pretending? (to Buffy) Oh, hey! Here's a good
luck thing for tryouts. (hands her a bracelet)
Buffy: What's this?
Willow: What's that?
Buffy: Oh, how sweet! (reads the inscription) 'Yours Always.'
Xander: I-i-it came that way, really, they all said that!
Willow: (exhales)
Cordelia: (approaches them) Just look at that Amber. Who does she think
she is, a Laker Girl?
Willow: I heard she turned them down.
Joy, the cheerleading squad leader, steps up with her clipboard and
calls for everyone's attention.
Joy: Okay, listen up! Let's begin with (checks her clipboard) Amber
Grove. If you're not auditioning, move off the floor.
Willow: (to Amy) Amy! Hi!
Amy: (comes over) Hi!
Willow: I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader! You lost a lot of
weight.
Amy: Had to.
Willow: Do you know Buffy?
Amy: Hi.
Buffy: Hi.
Amy: Oh, how I hate this, let me count the ways.
Amber begins her routine. It's very athletic. She starts off with a
needle-split lift followed by a double spin and a jumping double spin.
After landing, Amber launches herself into an aerial and a cartwheel.
Jazz slides are then followed by a single spin. Everyone in the gym is
intent on watching her.
Amy: (to Buffy) She trained with Benson. He's one of the best coaches
money can buy.
Buffy: They have cheerleading coaches?
Amy: Oh, yeah! Don't you have? I train with my mom, three hours in the
morning, three at night.
Buffy: Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to
some quality matricide.
Amy: Oh, I know it's hokey. But she's really great.
Cordelia turns her back to Amber with a look of contempt on her face.
Cordelia: Hmm!
Buffy and Xander watch Amber in amazement. Amy and Willow are impressed,
too. Amber's hands begin to smoke.
Buffy: What the...?
Willow: That girl's on fire!
Cordelia: (facing away, not seeing the smoke) Enough of the hyperbole!
Amber's hands catch fire. She drops her pompoms and screams. Buffy
reacts. Amber flails her hands in the air. Buffy jumps up onto the
stands and pulls down a banner. She runs back to Amber, knocks her down
and snuffs out the flames with the banner. Everyone stares in shock.
Buffy: (trying to comfort Amber) It's okay, it's okay, you're gonna
be... okay. (to herself) God!
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
The library. Buffy is pacing. Willow and Xander are sitting at the study
table.
Buffy: I've been slaying vampires for more than a year now, and I have
seen some pretty cringeworthy things, but... nobody's hands ever got
toasted before.
Giles: (comes out of the cage) I imagine not.
Buffy: So, this isn't a vampire problem.
Giles: No.
Buffy: (turns to Giles) But it is funky, right? Not of the norm?
Giles: Quite. Spontaneous human combustion is, is rare, and, and
scientifically unexplainable, but there have been cases for hundreds of
years. Usually all that's left is a pile of ashes.
Willow: That's all that would have been left if it hadn't been for
Buffy.
Xander: So, we have no idea what caused this. That's a comfort.
Giles: But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! (sits on the
edge of the table) There's a veritable cornucopia of, of fiends and
devils and, and ghouls to engage. (everyone looks at him) Pardon me for
finding the glass half full.
Buffy: Any common denominators in cases of spontaneous combustion?
Giles: Uh, rage. In most cases the person who combusted was, was
terribly angry or, or upset.
Xander: So maybe Amber's got this power to make herself be on fire.
It's like the human torch, only it hurts.
Buffy: I need to get the skinny on Amber. Find out if she's had any
colorful episodes before. (starts to go)
Willow: That means hacking illegally into the school's computer system.
At last, something *I* can do!
She and Xander get up and go over to Buffy.
Xander: I'll ask around about her.
Buffy: You guys don't have to get involved.
Xander: What d'ya mean? We're a team! Aren't we a team?
Willow: Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!
Buffy: I just don't like putting you guys in danger.
Xander: Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it
goes away.
Buffy: Okay, just walk softly, at least until we know a little more. I
mean, what if Amber isn't causing these problems herself?
Giles: Well, then we have to determine who or what did, and, uh, deal
with it accordingly.
Cut to the kitchen at the Summers house. There are several wooden boxes
and crates. Joyce is trying to pry one open with a crowbar. Buffy comes
in.
Buffy: Hey!
Joyce: Hi, how was school?
Buffy: Mm, a reverent joy. What's all this?
Joyce: It's for the tribal art display.
Buffy: Cool! (examines a piece) We had tryouts today.
Joyce: Oh, great! How'd it go? (exhales)
Buffy: I didn't actually get to try out. There was an accident. Pretty
fierce competition, though.
Joyce: Oh, I know you'll do fine. Keep on pluggin', just have to get
back on the horse.
Buffy: Mom?
Joyce: Yeah?
Buffy: What was I trying out for?
Joyce: Oh, uh... (stops prying at the crate and looks at Buffy) Some
activity? I have no idea, I'm sorry.
Buffy: That's okay. Your platitudes are good for all occasions.
Joyce: (exhales) I'm distracted. (starts prying again and exhales) Got
a lotta inventory to go through here. (exhales) This is my Gallery's
first major show. (exhales and gives up) You know, it might not
physically kill you to give me a hand here. (goes to check her
clipboard)
Buffy grabs the lid of the crate and effortlessly tears it off.
Buffy: It was cheerleading.
Joyce: Oh good! I'm glad you're taking that up again, it'll keep you
out of trouble.
Buffy: I'm not *in* trouble.
Joyce: No, not yet.
Buffy is hurt. Her mother looks up from her clipboard and notices.
Joyce: I mean, you stopped cheerleading just before the trouble, so
it's good you're going back.
She goes back to the crate and partially lifts out a statue.
Joyce: Oh, dear.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: The fertility statue, you don't need to see it.
She replaces the crate's lid and goes back to her clipboard.
Buffy: Y'know, there's this girl, Amy, and, um, she trains with her
mom, like, three hours a day.
Joyce: Uh-huh.
Buffy: Sounds like her mom's pretty into it.
Joyce: Sounds like her mom doesn't have a lot to do.
She walks out of the kitchen with a piece of art. Buffy lifts the
crate's lid a little bit and looks in.
Buffy: Jeepers!
Cut to the gym the next day. Tryouts have resumed.
Joy: (pacing) Despite the terrible thing that happened yesterday we
still have to pick new cheerleaders. If you make the team you'll find
your names posted in the quad after lunch. Let's begin with group
performance.
Amy: (to Buffy) Why do my hands have to sweat when I get nervous?
Buffy: (to Amy) Don't worry. You'll do great.
Joy: (loudly) Five, six, seven, eight!
All: Sunnydale! Sunnydale! We never fail! We never fail! Jump and
Shoot! Swish and score! The other team is such a bore! Yeah!
Amy blows the cartwheel and crashes into Cordelia. Cordelia yelps as she
falls and then quickly gets up.
Cordelia: You saw that, right? That wasn't me! You saw that, right?
(looks at Amy and back again) Right?
Cut to the halls. Amy is admiring the trophies in the case with a
longing look. Buffy comes up next to her. Amy notices her, smiles and
points to a picture in the case.
Amy: That's my mom!
Buffy: No! (reads the inscription) Catherine Madison. Get down with
your bad self!
Amy: Her nickname was 'Catherine the Great'. She took that team and
made them tri-county champions. Y'know, no one's ever done that before,
or since. She and my dad were Homecoming King and Queen. They got
married right after graduation.
Buffy: That's kinda romantic.
Amy: Well, he was a big loser. Never made any money. Ran off with Miss
Trailer Trash when I was twelve.
Buffy: Okay, that part's less romantic. My folks split up, too.
Amy: Drag, huh? Uh, he left my mom with nothing. She put herself
through cosmetology school. (smiles) Bought me everything I ever wanted.
(shakes her head) And never once gained a single pound.
Buffy: (walks around to face Amy) Uh, she sounds really great, Amy,
but, um... it doesn't mean that you need to lock step as far as this
cheerleading thing.
Amy: She was the best! And I can't get my body to *move* like hers! I
choked in there so bad!
Buffy: No, Amy, you did fine.
Amy: (dejected) I'm gonna get changed.
Buffy: Wait! No...
Willow: (walking by) Hey, Amy! (comes over to Buffy) Is she okay?
Buffy: No, she's, she's wiggin' about her mom, big cheer queen back
when.
Willow: Yeah, her mom's kinda...
Buffy: ...Nazi like?
Willow: Heil. If she gains an ounce she padlocks the fridge and won't
eat anything but broth.
Buffy: So, mommy dearest is really... Mommy Dearest?
Willow: There's a bitter streak. But Amy's nice. We used to hang in
Junior High. When her mom would go on a broth kick, Amy'd come over to
my house and we'd stuff ourselves with brownies!
They start down the hall.
Buffy: Hey, any word on Amber?
Willow: Nothing thrilling. Average student. Got detention once, for
smoking. Regular smoking... with a cigarette, not, like, being smoky.
Buffy: Hmm.
Willow: All pretty normal.
Buffy: So we just have to wait and we'll see what happens. Maybe
nothing will.
Cut to the girls' locker room. The camera shows the showers dripping.
Cut to a row of lockers. The camera follows them around a corner to Amy
alone at her locker. She hears a noise and turns to look. Nothing. The
showers keep dripping. Amy closes her locker and starts to go, but is
surprised by Cordelia.
Cordelia: I have a dream. It's me on the cheerleading squad, adored by
every varsity male as far as the eye can see! We have to achieve our
dreams, Amy. Otherwise we... wither and die!
Amy: Look, I'm sorry about...
Cordelia: (cuts Amy off) Shhh! If your supreme klutziness out there
today takes me out of the running, you're gonna be so *very* beyond
sorry! (smiles) Have a nice day.
Cordelia turns and leaves. She throws her scrunchie into an open locker
and slams the door as she rounds the corner, but it doesn't stay shut.
Amy leans against her locker, apparently shaken.
Cut outside. Willow and Xander are walking along the colonnade.
Willow: I told Buffy about Amber.
Xander: Cool! Was she wearin' it? The bracelet, she was wearin' it,
right? Pretty much like we're goin' out.
Willow: Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it.
Xander: So I'm just a figure of fun. (exhales) I should ask her out,
right?
Willow: You won't know till you ask.
Xander: That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy
friend that knows about girl stuff!
Willow: Oh, great. I'm a guy.
Xander: Oh, hey, they're posting the list!
He runs off to check the list of names for the cheerleading squad. Cut
to the crowd in front of the bulletin board. Buffy and Amy are at the
back. A girl rushes away in tears because her name is not on the list.
Amy: I can't take this.
Joy steps away from posting the list on the bulletin board. Lishanne
sees her name on the list.
Lishanne: Yes!
Xander comes up behind Buffy and Amy.
Xander: Cover me, I'm goin' in.
He pushes his way through the crowd and looks at the list. Cordelia
comes out of the crowd.
Cordelia: (to Amy) You're lucky!
Amy: I made it?
Cordelia: *I* made it!
Xander comes back out of the crowd and gets hit on the way.
Xander: One of those girls hit me really hard! You should test for
steroids. Okay, not only did you make the team, but you, Miss Summers,
are the first alternate, and Amy's number three.
Amy looks at Buffy, badly disappointed, and leaves.
Xander: And what a better way to celebrate than with a romantic drive
through...
Willow: Xander, alternates are the ones who didn't make the team, they
only fill in if something happens to the ones who did.
Buffy: Excuse me. (goes to console Amy)
Xander: (downtroden) For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser
cretins bow before me.
Buffy: (catches up with Amy) At least it's over. And you know what I
think we should do about it? Brownie pig-out, my house, after school.
Amy: It's just how many more hours a day can I practice? Y'know, how
much more can I do? This would never happen to my mother. Never.
She walks off. Buffy stares after her.
Cut to Amy's house. The camera closes in on the brickwork outside of the
attic. Cut inside the attic. The camera pans from the wall across a
bunch of tagged personal items that she's taken from people. Cut to the
cauldron. Amy stirs the pot.
Amy: Give me the power. Give me the dark.
She goes to get another doll from her rack.
Amy: I call on you, the laughing gods.
She yanks one of the dolls off of the rack.
Amy: Let your blackness crawl beneath my skin.
She wraps Cordelia's scrunchie around the doll's head.
Amy: Accept thy sacrifice... of Cordelia. Feed on her.
She drops the doll into the brew.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
The Summers kitchen. The toaster pops up, and Buffy pulls out a freshly
toasted half of a bagel. She takes it to the island in the middle of the
kitchen for more preparation. Her mother comes in.
Joyce: Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. (finds
herself) Oh, look!
There I am.
She puts the book down on the island and goes to get a cup of coffee.
Buffy looks at the picture.
Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know
that you had Farrah hair.
Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?
Buffy: Well, it's really cool, but I gotta book.
Joyce: Well, I was thinking. I know the cheerleading thing didn't work
out... Maybe you should think about joining the yearbook staff. I did,
it was a lot of fun.
Buffy: Not really my tip, mom. (opens the refrigerator)
Joyce: I was, uh, photo editor. I got to be on every page, made me look
much more popular than I was.
Buffy: And have you seen the kids that do yearbook? Nerds pick on them.
(walks to her bag)
Joyce: (insulted) Some of the best times I had in school were working
on the yearbook!
Buffy: (faces her mom) Oh, this just in: I'm not you! I'm into my own
thing.
Joyce: Your own thing, whatever it is, got you kicked out of school,
and we had to move here to find a decent school that would take you!
Buffy is hurt. She takes her bag and starts to go.
Joyce: Honey, uhhh... (Buffy leaves) (disgusted with herself) Uhhh!
Great parenting form! Little shaky on the dismount.
Cut to the hall at school. Cordelia walks past Willow and Xander in a
daze.
Xander: Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day. Is it something
I've done? (to Willow) Okay, see how she has no clue that I'm even a
mammal, much less a human being?
Willow: (takes the pen from her mouth) I see that.
Xander: This is the invisible man syndrome. A blessing in Cordelia's
case. A curse in Buffy's.
Willow: (closes her locker) You're not invisible to Buffy.
She chews on her pen some more as they start to walk down the hall.
Xander: It's worse! I'm just like a part of the scenery, like an old
shoe. Or a rug that you walk on every day but don't even really see it.
Willow: (takes her pen out of her mouth) Like a pen that's all chewed
up, and you know you should throw it away, but you don't, not 'cause you
like it so much, more 'cause you're just used to...
Xander: Will, yeah, that is the point, you don't have to drive it
through my head like a railroad spike. I'm gonna take your advice and
not beat around the bush.
Willow: Or I could be wrong! Maybe you should beat around the bush
more.
Xander: Nah, I gotta be a man and ask her out. Y'know, I gotta stop
giving her ID bracelets, uh, subtle innuendoes, taking Polaroids outside
of her bedroom window late at night, that last part is a joke to relieve
the tension because here she comes.
Buffy comes out of a classroom and walks toward them.
Xander: Okay, into battle I go. (quickly turns to Willow) Would you ask
her out for me?
He grabs her by the shoulders, startling her. Buffy sees Cordelia trying
to work the combination on a locker. Xander pulls himself together.
Xander: No. Man. (lets go of Willow) Me battle. (to Buffy) Buffy! Would
you like to, uh...
Buffy: (reaches Willow and Xander) Is that even Cordelia's locker?
They see Cordelia give up and continue down the hall.
Xander: Huh? Oh, I don't know. What I'm saying is accompany me Friday
night...
Buffy: (watching Cordelia go and cutting him off) Xander, I have to,
um... (faces him) We can make this up later. You don't mind, do you?
She gives him her book and follows Cordelia. Xander whistles the sound
of a bomb falling and exploding. Willow looks at him and continues
chewing on her pen.
Cut outside. Buffy comes out of the hall and looks around for Cordelia.
She sees her and starts to follow. Cut to Mr. Pole, the Driver's Ed.
Teacher. He's waiting impatiently for Cordelia. He turns and sees her
coming.
Mr. Pole: Nice of you to join us, Cordelia. We didn't keep you waiting
or anything, did we? It's your turn to drive. (to the others) Okay,
people, let's buckle up.
Cordelia: (goes around the front of the car) I don't wanna drive today,
Mr. Pole.
Mr. Pole: You've flunked Driver's Ed. twice already. Show me some
moves, or you'll be taking the bus to college.
He gets into the car. Cordelia gets in last. Buffy watches from behind a
school bus.
Mr. Pole: Okay. Check the brake. Check the mirror. Start the engine.
Cordelia turns the key and the engine starts, but she seems out of it.
Mr. Pole: Hello? Put the car in drive.
Cordelia struggles with the shifting lever.
Mr. Pole: Let's move forward through the cones with a gentle even turn
to the...
The car takes off backward, crashes into some signs and stops. Cordelia
gets it in drive, and the car races forward, burning rubber.
Mr. Pole: Slow down. Slow, slow, turn right! Turn right!
Cordelia loses control as the car races along the course, knocking down
cones and signs. Buffy begins running after them.
Mr. Pole: Brakes! Brakes!
The car crashes through a fence and bushes and careens out onto the
street, where it comes to a sudden halt. Another car just manages to
swerve around them.
Mr. Pole: Everybody out!
They all get out. Cordelia is in a daze, and she walks into the middle
of the street. A delivery van is coming the other way, but it doesn't
slow down. Buffy comes running. Cordelia turns to see the van coming and
screams. Buffy leaps over the Driver's Ed. car and grabs Cordelia,
pulling her down and out of the way. The van takes out the open car door
as Buffy and Cordelia roll to a stop.
Cordelia: Oh, my God, I, I can't see anything!
Buffy: It's, it's okay, it's... (sees Cordelia's eyes) Oh God!
Cordelia: What's happening? I can't see anything!
Her eyes no longer have irises and are completely white.
Cut to the library. The team is sitting at the table.
Giles: Witchcraft. Blinding your enemy to disorient and disable them
is, it's classic!
Xander: First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a
house in Sunnydale.
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
Giles: And setting Amber ablaze?
Xander: Yeah, those guys don't hang...
Buffy: They're both cheerleaders.
Giles: Someone doesn't like cheerleading.
Buffy: Or likes it too much.
Willow: Amy!
Buffy: Amy!
Xander: So, you guys are leaning towards Amy?
Buffy: She's desperate to get on that team, and I've got this feeling
she'd do just about anything to make her mom's dream come true.
Giles: Uh, let me make sure I have this right. This witch is casting
horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader?
Buffy: I think you're underestimating the amount of pressure a parent
can lay on you. If you're not a picture perfect carbon copy they tend to
wig.
Willow: Cheerleading was kind of her mom's last hurrah.
Xander: Look, we still have to stop Amy. We should grab her and...
Giles: (interrupts) I think we should be sure she's the witch before we
arouse her suspicions. She's, she's capable of some fairly unpleasant
things.
Buffy: Okay, alright, (gets up) so, you're in high school, you are
desperate to make the team and please your mom, so you turn to
witchcraft. What's the first thing you're gonna do?
Willow: Check out the books on witchcraft!
She and Buffy go over to the computer to access the on-line library card
catalog.
Xander: Uh, no! No, that would be the *last* thing you would do! You
don't wanna leave a paper trail. Forget that!
Willow: It'll just take a minute.
Xander gets up and stands behind them.
Xander: We don't have a minute! Cheerleaders are in danger. Buffy's in
danger. (to Buffy) You were the first alternate, you are on the team now
that Cordelia's out. You could be next. We gotta get you to a safe
house.
Willow: Xander...
Xander: Yeah.
Willow: (exhales and reads the monitor) 'Witches: Historic Roots to
Modern Practice.' Checked out by Alexander Harris.
Buffy: (reads also) 'The Pagan Rites', checked out by Alexander...
Xander: Alright, alright, it's not what you think.
Willow: You like to look at the semi-nude engravings?
Xander: Oh, well, uh, I-I guess it *is* what you think.
Giles: Have you all quite finished? We have to find a conclusive test.
There may be something in here... (pages through a book) Yes, this
should do it. You'll need some of her hair, a little quicksilver and
some aqua fortis.
Willow: Well, that's just mercury and nitric acid. You can get that in
the science lab.
Giles: (reads) 'Heat ingredients and apply to witch, and if a spell has
been cast in the previous 48 hours, witch's skin turns blue.' Hmm.
(shuts the book) Oh, and you'll need some Eye of Newt.
Cut to science class. The camera shows Dr. Gregory holding a frog as
reflected in a mirror propped up on a stick above him. It pans down to
show him holding the frog up for the class to see.
Dr. Gregory: Those of you in track one may begin your dissections...
now.
He indicates where the students should cut their frogs. Cut to Xander
trying to take his frog's eye out with tweezers.
Dr. Gregory: Those of you in track two (cut to him) take your
hydrochloric acid and your ammonium hydroxide and carefully pour them
into your beakers.
He begins to pour. Cut to Xander still struggling with the frog's eye.
Dr. Gregory: Now slow, slow...
Xander: I can't.
Willow grabs the frog and takes out its eye.
Dr. Gregory: ...capping one, I'm being safe. And you get...
Willow: (drops the eye into the beaker) Eye of Newt!
Cut to Dr. Gregory. The ingredients in the beaker react and begin to
bubble and smoke.
Dr. Gregory: ...that.
Cut to Xander.
Xander: How's Buffy doing with the hair?
They look toward Buffy. Cut to Lishanne at another lab table.
Lishanne: (to Buffy) Isn't this exciting!
Buffy: Oh, yeah! (to Amy) Amy, help me. Um, which is the hydrochloric
acid and which is the, uh, ammonium hydroxide?
Amy: Well, the bottle that says 'hydrochloric acid' is usually the
hydrochloric acid.
Buffy: Read the bottles. Good concept! (laughs nervously and drops her
pencil) Oops.
She crouches down to pick up the pencil. She reaches into Amy's bag and
pulls some hair off of her brush. She gets up and tries to pretend
nothing happened. She glances at Amy to gauge her reaction. Amy smiles
back weakly. She noticed but pretends she didn't. Buffy waves her pencil
and smiles back. She heads back to her lab table with an expression of
relief at having avoided a close call. She puts the hair on Willow's
bench as she walks by. Willow picks up the hair and mixes it into the
concoction. Amy looks back at them to see what they're doing. Willow and
Xander look back nervously.
Xander: (in a low voice) Wave 'Hi' to the nice little witch!
Amy overhears and gives them another quick look. Willow takes the beaker
and pours some of the liquid into a test-tube.
Willow: All set. (hands the tube to Buffy) Do you have a plan?
Buffy: Spill it on her. Try 'n' make it look natural.
Xander: We're right behind you, only... further back.
Buffy slowly makes her way over to Amy.
Dr. Gregory: Lishanne, can you tell me why these chemicals have this
reaction?
Buffy pours some of the mixture onto Amy's arm and feigns an accident,
drawing in her breath. She sees the liquid turn blue on contact.
Dr. Gregory: Lishanne?
Amy apparently didn't notice the spill. She's looking over at Lishanne.
Dr. Gregory: Are you... Oh, my God!
Buffy looks over at Lishanne now, too, and sees her shaking her head
violently. She turns to the camera, and everyone sees that she no longer
has a mouth. Buffy stares in amazement. She looks back at Amy, who looks
amazed, too. Willow and Xander are also stunned.
Cut to the halls. Buffy, Willow and Xander are discussing the result of
their experiment.
Xander: Did you see? Amy was as freaked out as the rest of us.
Willow: So it's not her?
Buffy: The test was positive! She's our Sabrina. I just don't think she
realizes what she's doing.
Willow: Well, should we talk to her?
Buffy: Maybe we should talk to her mother. I wonder if *she* knows what
she's created.
Cut to Amy's house. She walks through the gate with determination. The
gate has a gargoyle face on it. Cut inside the house. She comes in and
looks around for her mother.
Amy: Where are you?
Cut to Catherine. She quickly turns off the TV and gets up. Amy sees
her.
Amy: Another productive day in front of the TV?
Catherine just looks back.
Amy: I got a history report due tomorrow. (drops her bag) Write it!
Catherine can only keep looking and exhales.
Amy: (considers) I should be on that team by now. But instead Miss
*Buffy* and friends are sneaking around stealing bits of my hair.
Catherine shakes her head. Amy opens her hand, and out drops Buffy's
bracelet.
Amy: I'll be upstairs.
Catherine watches her go.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning in Buffy's room. It's a bit of a mess. The camera pans
through it and stops on Buffy still sleeping. The alarm clock goes off.
She slaps it with her hand hard enough to smash it with her strength.
Buffy: Oh! Oops! Oh... (sits up) Mm...
Cut to the kitchen. Joyce is making fresh-squeezed orange juice. Buffy
comes dancing in singing and wearing her cheerleader outfit.
Buffy: Macho, macho, man! I want to be a macho man. Macho... Oh, hey,
juice! (grabs the glass and drinks) Mm... Quality juice. Not from
concentrate!
Joyce: (glances at Buffy) You're in a good mood.
Buffy: I am! I'm on the squad, which is great, 'cause I feel like
cheering and leading others to cheer. Ooo, hey, juice!
Buffy takes the second glass and drinks again.
Joyce: Listen, honey, about yesterday, I really...
Buffy: Mm! That is totally yester. Besides, it's not like you were
wrong, y'know. I did get kicked outta school. I'm just wacky that way!
Joyce: Still, I just want you to know that, despite the problems you've
had, I really...
Buffy: (cuts her off) Mom, you just don't get it. And, believe me, you
don't want it. Y'know, there are just some things about being a Vampire
Slayer that the older generation...
Joyce: A what?
Buffy: It's a... long story.
Joyce: Buffy, are you feeling well?
Buffy: What? Oh, I'm, I'm fine, y'know? What, like, I can't be in a
good mood? Is it, like, a new house rule? Fine, y'know? It's just fine,
fine, fine, 'cause... (sings) I'm a macho, macho man! I want to be a
macho man! (bobs her head) Macho, macho man! (leaves the kitchen) I want
to be a macho man!
Cut to the gym for cheerleading practice. Buffy is positioned next to
Joy in the lineup.
Joy: (loudly) Five, six, seven, eight!
The cheerleaders begin practicing a routine.
Buffy: Turn up the music!
The routine continues until Buffy accidentally stomps on Joy's foot.
Joy: (yells) Ow! Get it together Buffy! We have a game in less than
four hours!
Xander and Willow come in.
Buffy: (jumping gleefully) Willow! Xander! My buds are here! I love my
buds! Hi! (notices everyone staring) Hi... Oh...
She gets back in line, and the routine continues.
Xander: (to Willow) Is it me, or is Buffy a bit looped?
Willow casts a worried gaze. The cheerleaders continue with a series of
assisted cartwheels.
Willow: We better get her outta there.
Xander: Yeah, before she...
Buffy overthrows Joy's aerial, sending her crashing into the gym wall.
Xander: ...hurts someone. Ay...
Joy gets up as Buffy comes running over.
Buffy: Did I do that?
Joy: (pushes Buffy) You are *so* out of here!
Willow and Xander come running up and each grab one of Buffy's arms.
Willow: It's not her fault!
Xander: She's on medication.
Buffy: (to Xander) What?
Joy: Well, obviously not enough. Who's our next alternate? (sees Amy
behind her) Oh. Amy, you just made cheerleader.
Buffy: No, no, no. You don't want her, she's a wi...
Xander quickly puts his hand over Buffy's mouth.
Xander: A wise choice indeed!
He and Willow pull Buffy away, nodding and casting nervous smiles at Amy
and Joy. Amy stares after them.
Cut to the hall outside the gym. Willow and Xander are supporting Buffy
between them as they come down the hall.
Buffy: She's a witchy!
Willow: Buffy...
Buffy: I just got kicked off the team, didn't I?
Xander: I don't think it was your fault.
Buffy: Hmm, I know you don't, that's 'cause you're my friend. You're my
Xander-shaped friend! (leans her head on his shoulder) Do you have any
idea why I love you so, Xander?
Willow: We gotta to get her to a...
Xander: (stops Willow with a gesture) Let her speak!
Buffy: I'll tell you! You're not like other boys at all.
Xander: Well...
Buffy: You are totally, and completely one of the girls! (to Willow)
I'm that comfy with him.
Willow smiles widely.
Xander: That's great.
Buffy: Any other guy who'd give me a bracelet, they'd... wanna date me,
and be like a...
She begins to feel woozy.
Buffy: Oh! I, I don't feel so good.
Willow: Buffy?
Buffy collapses into their arms.
Cut to the library. Buffy is lying back in a chair with a wet cloth on
her forehead. Willow supports her head and keeps the cloth in place with
her hand.
Willow: We've gotta get her to a hospital!
Giles: They can't help her. This is a bloodstone vengeance spell.
(takes her pulse) Hits the body hard like a, a quart of alcohol, and
then it e-eradicates the, uh, immune system.
Xander: A vengeance spell, like she's trying to get even with Buffy?
Buffy: 'Cause she knows I know she's a witch.
Giles: The others she just wanted out of the running. You she intends
to, um...
Buffy: Kill?
Willow: How much time do we have?
Giles: Oh, uh, I'm sure, uh...
Buffy: Truth. Please.
Giles: Couple of hours... Three at most.
Xander: Well, how do we reverse the spell?
Giles: (gets up) Well I, I've been researching that, and, uh, we can
reverse all the spells if, um... (takes off his glasses and rubs his
eyes) ...we can just lay our hands on, on Amy's spell book.
Willow: And if we can't get a hold of it?
Giles: Well, the other way is to cut the witch's head off. (puts his
glasses back on)
Xander: Show of hands! (raises his hand)
Buffy: It's not Amy's fault. She only became a witch to survive her
mother.
Xander: (to Buffy) Look, I don't care why, I just care that you go on
breathing.
Buffy: Giles, where would she be casting these spells?
Giles: Oh, she needs a, a sacred space. A-a-a pentagram, um, large pot.
Buffy: Her home. Okay. Help me up.
Xander and Willow help her up.
Buffy: We'll just go to her house and we'll get her book.
Willow: Okay, we'll go with you.
Buffy: Uh, no! You guys stay here and keep an eye on Amy.
Giles: (takes Buffy from them) And keep her away from the science lab.
We'll need it to cast our counter-spells.
He and Buffy go. Willow and Xander exchange worried looks. Xander
exhales.
Cut to Giles' old car pulling up to Amy's house. Cut inside. Catherine
has a plate of brownies on her lap and takes a bite out of one. Giles
knocks on the door. She looks up, startled. Giles knocks some more.
Buffy looks very tired and out of it. Catherine slides the plate under
the coffee table and gets up. Giles knocks again. Catherine opens the
door.
Catherine: Who are you? Wha, um, uh, is there something wrong?
Giles: Mrs. Madison, we need to talk to you about your daughter.
Catherine: I'm not allow... You'll have to come back later.
She tries to close the door, but Giles prevents her and pushes his way
in.
Giles: Excuse me!
Catherine: What?!
Giles: (turns to help Buffy) You alright? (looks for a place to sit her
down) Um, in here. (leads Buffy into the living room) (to Catherine)
Your daughter is meddling with something very dangerous, are you aware
of that? (sits Buffy on the couch)
Catherine: Uh, I don't know what you're talking about.
Giles: Oh, I think you know only too well.
Catherine: You've got to go. She's gonna be home soon, and you...
Giles: (interrupts, indicating Buffy) This girl is very sick. (very
angrily) Now you will shut up and you will listen to me! Your daughter
has access to some very powerful magicks, and somehow your obsession
with cheerleading has made...
Catherine: (interrupts, incredulous) I don't care about cheerleading!
It's not my fault she's doing stuff.
Buffy sees the brownies and begins to realize who Catherine really is.
Giles: As her mother you should assume some responsibility for her
actions.
Catherine: (laughs) Well, you know, these kids today! I... (calms down
a bit) She's out of her mind. Ever since dad, her dad... left I can't
control her.
Buffy slowly gets up.
Giles: You're afraid of her?
Buffy: Amy?
Catherine looks at Buffy and realizes she's been found out. Giles looks
at Buffy, still puzzled.
Buffy: Are you Amy?
Giles: (looks back at Catherine) I don't understand.
Buffy: She switched! She switched your bodies, didn't she?
Catherine looks down, defeated.
Giles: (the truth dawns on him) Good Lord!
Buffy: She wanted to relive her glory days.
Catherine: (looks back up) She said I was wasting my youth. So she took
it.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~
The living room at Amy's house. The camera pans to them sitting on the
couch.
Catherine: (distraught) I didn't know anything about her powers. I
mean, when dad was here they would fight and yell and he would... call
her a witch and... I mean, I would, just thought he meant... Oh, God,
when he left I wanted to go with him. But she wouldn't even let me call.
She went crazy, I mean, she'd lock herself upstairs for days, and she
was always coming down on me, telling me I didn't deserve to have it so
easy, and that I didn't know... how hard it was to be her, and... I
guess she showed me, huh?
Buffy: (takes her hand) Amy, it's gonna be okay.
Catherine: A few months ago, I woke up in h... her bed! I didn't know
where I was, and... then I looked in the mirror...
Giles: She locked herself upstairs?
Catherine: Yes.
Giles: Where?
Cut to the attic. Giles breaks in the door, comes in and starts to look
around. Catherine comes in after him.
Catherine: (tries to stop him) Don't! If she finds out I've been here
she'll kill me!
Giles walks around the cauldron to the rack with the hanging dolls. He
sees the two dolls bound together for the body-switching spell and takes
them in his hand.
Giles: My God! (exhales) I believe we can reverse your mother's spell.
Well, all of them, in fact. (lets go of the dolls)
Catherine: You could? Really, you could?
Giles: We need to find her books. There'd be specific volumes she'd
need for this kind of casting.
He begins to look around some more. He finds a trunk and knocks off the
things on top.
Giles: Collect those dolls, and, uh, any other personal effects...
As he starts to open the trunk, a black cat jumps at him and surprises
him.
Giles: Ah! Nice kitty... (calms down) Let's see what you were guarding.
(opens the trunk) Ah, yes! (takes out a book) This is it.
Cut to Giles and Catherine coming back down the stairs and going into
the living room.
Buffy: Did we find?
Giles: We found. Come on.
He helps Buffy up from the couch. She's gotten weaker.
Catherine: But where are you going?
Giles: We're going to school.
He realizes Buffy is too weak to walk and picks her up in his arms.
Giles: And you're coming with us.
Cut to the gym. The Sunnydale High basketball team comes through the
doors and runs onto the court. The camera pans across the court, then
back and across the cheerleaders, stopping on Amy. Amy's clearly very
happy to be there. Cut to Xander and Willow in the stands, watching Amy.
Cut to the science classroom. Giles carries Buffy in and lays her down
on a lab table, knocking everything off of it in the process. He takes
off his coat.
Giles: (to Buffy) I'm gonna stop this. I promise.
Buffy looks up at him. He folds his coat and puts it under her head as a
pillow. Her vision is blurred.
Giles: You just hang on.
Buffy moans. Giles goes to the box of books and other things Catherine
has set on Dr. Gregory's bench and reaches in to get Amy's spell book.
Catherine: (concerned) How is she?
Giles: We only have a few minutes left.
Cut to the gym and the cheerleaders.
Cheerleaders: Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go! Six, seven,
eight! Go Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go! Six,
seven, eight! Go Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go!
Six, seven, eight! Go Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go!
Go! (yells from the cheerleaders)
The camera focuses on Amy in slow motion. Cut to a slow pan across the
crowd. Cut to Amy with a smile on her face.
Cut to the science classroom. Catherine is cutting an eye from a frog,
and is squeamish about it.
Giles: Right! Here we go!
Cut to Buffy. She's getting weaker. Cut back to Giles. He recites as he
mixes a potion.
Giles: The center is dark. Centrum est obscurus. The darkness breathes.
Tenebrae respiratis. The listener hears. Hear me!
Cut to the gym. The cheerleaders are doing a counting chant. The camera
focuses on Amy. She stops chanting and looks startled. Her vision
flashes to what Catherine sees in the science lab, the book and the
frog. She's back in the gym and takes up the count again, but has a
worried look on her face. Cut back to the lab.
Catherine: Oh, it's... it's working!
Giles takes the book up from the table and reads.
Giles: Unlock the gate. Let the darkness shine. Cover us with holy
fear.
Catherine staggers back and covers her face.
Giles: Show me...
The lights go out in the classroom.
Cut to the gym. Some of the cheerleaders are lifting Amy. Once up, she
thrusts her fists into the air and gives the crowd a big smile. Her
smile fades as she has another flash to the lab, where she gets a
glimpse of Buffy. She comes back to the gym and begins to lose her
balance. Xander and Willow watch. The cheerleaders supporting Amy
struggle for control, but they collapse. The crowd reacts to the fall.
Xander and Willow see everything, too. Cut back to Amy.
Joy: Amy, what's your problem?
Amy shoots her a dirty look. Joy is taken aback. Amy gets up, looks
around and runs from the gym. Cut to the lab.
Catherine: She's coming!
Giles looks worried.
Cut to the halls. Amy violently pushes open a door. Willow stops her.
Willow: Amy!
Amy: Get out of my way!
Willow: W-wait! I-I-I need to talk to you, I-I can help you.
Amy: Help me? With what?
Willow: Uh, well, y'know, all your witchcraft! I, I know this really
good cauldron.
Xander sneaks up behind Amy.
Willow: Do you actually ride a broom?
Amy twists around, growls and holds out her hand like she's grabbing
Xander's neck. His hand goes to his throat. Amy makes a fist and twists
it. Xander collapses to the floor, choking.
Willow: Xander!
Amy spins back around and punches Willow hard in the face, knocking her
to the floor. She starts running to the lab.
Cut to the lab. Giles is holding up his arms and chanting.
Giles: Corsheth and Gilail! The gate is closed! Receive the dark!
Release the unworthy! Take of mine energy and be sated!
He plunges his hands into the mixture he's concocted.
Cut to the halls. Amy slams through another door and continues walking
to the lab with a determined look on her face. She tries the door, but
it's locked. She yanks at it. Cut inside. Giles takes his hands out of
the brew. Catherine looks at the door and sees it's being yanked on.
Giles: Be sated! Release the unworthy!
Cut back to the hall. Amy stops yanking at the door and finds a fire axe
in a glass case. She breaks the glass with her fist and takes out the
axe. Cut inside to Buffy. She can't keep her eyes open and is just
rolling her head slowly.
Giles: Release!
Amy begins to chop down the door.
Giles: Release!
Buffy lies prone. Amy has made a hole, reaches through and gets the door
open. She marches in, axe in hand, straight over to Buffy.
Giles: RELEEEEASE!
Amy starts to wield the axe, but stops when there's a flash of light and
the spells are all broken. She is herself again. She looks around, a bit
confused, steps back and lowers the axe. Buffy has her strength back and
gets up from the table. Giles sees that she is okay.
Amy: Buffy?
Buffy: Amy?
Catherine lunges at Buffy from the side and tackles her to the floor,
knocking her out. Giles advances, holding his arm out and pointing.
Giles: You... you...
Catherine growls and looks at him. She uses her powers to force him back
and push a table against him, knocking him down and out. Amy just stands
there watching, still holding the axe in both hands. Catherine gets up
and confronts her.
Catherine: You! You little brat!
Amy: (holds the axe threateningly) Mom! Please!
Catherine holds out her hand, and the axe flies from Amy's hands to
hers.
Catherine: How dare you raise your hand to your mother! I gave you
birth. I gave up my life so you could drag that worthless carcass around
and call it living? (swings the axe into a lab table) You've never been
anything but trouble. I'm going to put you where you can't make trouble
again!
Buffy: (jumps up behind Catherine) Guess what?
Catherine turns to face her.
Buffy: I feel better!
She punches Catherine, and she flies through the air, lands on a lab
table and rolls off, hitting a shelf full of bottles along the way. She
quickly gets up.
Catherine: That body was mine! Mine!
Buffy: Oh, grow up!
Catherine growls, holds her arm out toward Buffy and uses her powers to
send her flying against the wall. Buffy hits the wall and falls to the
floor. She gets up, craning her neck. Catherine begins to cast a spell.
Catherine: I shall look upon my enemy!
She looks up at Buffy, and her eyes have become pitch black.
Catherine: I shall look upon her and the dark place will have her soul!
Buffy looks around for a way to stop her. She sees the pole holding up
the mirror above her.
Catherine: Corsheth, take her!
Buffy does a standing hook kick, knocking the pole out from under the
mirror and letting it flop down. Catherine's spell leaps from her hands
and is reflected by the mirror back at her. The power of the spell
envelops her as she screams. The energy twists around her and disappears
with a roar, taking her with it.
Buffy surveys the scene. Amy is badly shaken. Buffy sees Giles
unconscious on the floor. He wakes up.
Giles: Well, that was, um, interesting.
Buffy gives him her hand and helps him up.
Buffy: You guys okay?
Amy: I'm fine!
Giles: I assume the, uh, all the spells are reversed. It was my first
casting, so... (inhales) I may have got it wrong.
Buffy: You saved my life! You were a god!
Amy: Well, I didn't think you'd pull it off.
Suddenly Xander comes rushing in and grabs Amy tightly.
Xander: I got her! I got her! Cut her head off!
Buffy: Xander, what are you doing?
Xander: Saving you?
Buffy: Get your hands off of her.
Xander: But she's evil.
Giles: It wasn't exactly her.
Amy: I was my mom.
Xander: Oh! (releases her)
Now Willow comes running in, too, wielding a bat.
Willow: Where is she?!
Xander: Uh, hey Willow! It's cool!
Willow: It is?
Xander: Yeah, I took care of it.
They all just look at each other.
Cut to Buffy's room. She scoops her smashed alarm clock into a
wastebasket. Her mother comes in.
Joyce: I don't get it.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I've been doing a lot of thinking about... where you're coming
from, how to relate to you... and I've come to a very simple conclusion:
I don't get it.
Buffy: I'm inscrutable, huh?
Joyce: You're sixteen. I think there's a, a biological imperative
whereby I can't understand you because I'm not sixteen.
Buffy: Do you ever wish you could be sixteen again?
Joyce: Oh, that's a frightful notion. (exhales) Go through all that
again? Not even if it helped me understand you.
She smiles at her daughter, and Buffy smiles back.
Buffy: I love you, mom.
She jumps up and kisses her mom on the cheek, then runs from the room.
Joyce: I don't get it!
Cut to the school halls. Buffy and Amy are walking together.
Amy: My dad is *so* impossible! He doesn't ever want me going anywhere!
He wants to spend total quantity time together. And I'm, like, 'Dad, I
can go out, it's perfectly safe!' But he's got all this guilt about
leaving me with my mom. And he's being a total pain.
Buffy: You're loving it.
Amy: Every single minute.
Cut to another part of the hall.
Amy: This Saturday night he wants to stay in and make brownies. Well,
the brownies were my idea.
Cordelia: (comes up behind them) Hey, I'm really sorry you guys got
bumped back to alternate. (reconsiders) Hold it, wait... No I'm not!
Amy: Well, I know that I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling
out words with my arms.
Cordelia: Ooo, these grapes are sour!
Buffy and Amy stop at the trophy case while Cordelia continues on.
Amy: (to Buffy) Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that you wanted to be on the
squad.
Buffy: Oh, hey, that's okay. Cheerleading's just a little too hairy for
me these days.
Amy: (takes a breath) That's for sure.
They go around to the front of the case and look at Catherine's picture.
Amy: Catherine the Great.
Buffy: And there's been no sign of her?
Amy: That last spell... She said I'd never make trouble again. Wherever
she is I don't think we'll have to worry.
They both look at Catherine's cheerleading trophy.
Buffy: Twisted.
They turn and go.
Amy: I'm just happy to have my body back. I'm thinking of getting fat.
Buffy: Y'know, I hear that look's in for spring.
The camera closes in on the cheerleading trophy. Catherine's eyes are
looking out and she's making muffled noises.
Teacher's Pet
Written by: David Greenwalt
Directed by: Bruce Seth Green
Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson
Copyright © 1997 Alexander Thompson
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
The Bronze. A girl is screaming. A vampire is advancing on Buffy as she
backs into a pole. She throws a solid right to his face followed by a
left. The vampire isn't fazed, and he grabs her and throws her onto a
pool table. He leans over her to bite. Xander comes up behind the
vampire, grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him off of Buffy.
Xander: May I cut in?
He bashes the vampire's head into the pool table, turns him around and
punches him in the gut and the face. The vampire falls to the floor,
unconscious. Buffy is impressed and gives him a big smile. Xander offers
her his hand to help her off of the pool table.
Xander: You alright?
Buffy: (exhales) Thanks to you!
She slides off of the table and notices Xander's hand.
Buffy: You hurt your hand! Will you still be able to...
Xander: ...finish my solo and kiss you like you've never been kissed
before?
He gives her a wink and starts back to the stage. The vampire gets back
up and growls at Buffy. Xander sees him, breaks the leg off of a chair
that's been knocked over and throws the makeshift stake at the vampire.
Buffy watches the stake fly into the vampire's chest, and he falls dead.
She turns her gaze back on Xander. He jumps up onto stage and grabs his
guitar to continue his solo. Buffy looks up at him adoringly and
advances to the stage as he plays.
Buffy: You're drooling.
Xander gives her a confused look.
Cut to science class. It's dark because Dr. Gregory is giving a slide
show.
Buffy: Xander!
He wakes up from his daydream and shakes his head. Buffy indicates the
corner of her mouth.
Buffy: You've got a little...
He picks up on her gesture and quickly wipes the drool off of his mouth
and chin.
Dr. Gregory: Their ancestors were here long before we were. Their
progeny will be here long after we are gone. The simple and ubiquitous
ant.
He turns off the projector, turns the lights on and begins walking up
the aisle.
Dr. Gregory: Now. If you read the homework you should know the two ways
that ants communicate.
He stops at Xander's lab table and leans on it to face Buffy.
Dr. Gregory: Miss Summers.
Buffy: (on the spot) Ways that ants communicate.
Dr. Gregory: (nodding his head) Mm.
Buffy: With other ants.
Dr. Gregory: From the homework.
Behind him Willow tries to get Buffy's attention.
Dr. Gregory: Ants are communicating...
Buffy: (sees Willow's signals) Um, uh, uh...
Willow strokes Xander's back, indicating "touch".
Buffy: Touch...
Dr. Gregory: (nodding) Mm-hmm.
Buffy: And, um...
She looks at Willow again. She is sniffing Xander, indicating "smell".
Buffy: (confused) B.O.?
Several students laugh. Willow gives her a disappointed look.
Blayne: Thank God someone finally found the courage to mention that!
Dr. Gregory: That would be 'touch' and 'smell', Miss Summers. Is there
anything else Miss Rosenberg would like to tell you?
Willow quickly turns away in her seat. The bell rings. Dr. Gregory
starts to move back to the front of the class.
Dr. Gregory: Alright, chapters six through eight by tomorrow, people.
(stops and looks back at Buffy) Can I see you for a moment?
Buffy nods. Cut to after the other students have left the room. Buffy
leans against a lab table. Dr. Gregory idly reviews his slides.
Dr. Gregory: I gather you had a few problems at your last school?
Buffy: Well, what teenager doesn't?
Dr. Gregory: Cut school, get in fights, burn down the gymnasium...
Principal Flutie showed me your permanent record.
He walks to the front of the class, and Buffy follows him.
Buffy: Well, that fire, I mean, there was major extenuating
circumstances. Actually, it's, uh, kinda funny!
Dr. Gregory: Can't wait to see what you're gonna do *here*.
He goes to the closet, gets his other glasses from his coat and cleans
them.
Buffy: Destructo Girl. That's me.
Dr. Gregory: But I suspect it's gonna be great.
Buffy: You mean, 'great' in a bad way?
Dr. Gregory: (looks at her, then back at his glasses) You have a first-
rate mind and you can think on your feet. Imagine what you could
accomplish if you actually did the...
Buffy: ...the homework thing.
Dr. Gregory: The homework thing. I understand you probably have a good
excuse for not doing it. (closes the closet and walks back to his lab
table) Amazingly enough, I don't care. I know you can excel in this
class, and so I expect no less. Is that clear?
Buffy: Yeah! Sorry.
Dr. Gregory: Don't be sorry, be smart. (looks at another slide) And
please don't listen to the principal or anyone else's negative opinion
about you. Let's make 'em eat that permanent record. Whadaya say?
He looks up at Buffy and gives her a little smile. She smiles back.
Buffy: Okay! Thanks.
He nods his head. She grabs her bag.
Dr. Gregory: Chapters six through eight!
Buffy looks back at him with a smile and leaves the classroom. Dr.
Gregory puts the slide down, goes over to turn off the lights and comes
back to his slide-viewing plate. While he concentrates on the slides,
the closet door opens. Cut to a view of Dr. Gregory from the closet. The
camera advances on him. Cut in front of him. He's concentrating on the
slides. Cut behind him. A large, green mantis claw goes around his neck.
Dr. Gregory looks up behind him and screams. The claw drags him off of
his chair. His glasses hit the floor and break, and an instant later so
does he.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
The Bronze. The live band is Superfine, playing "Already Met You".
Xander dances lamely through the crowd.
Lyrics: The first date's the worst date / It's hard to know just what
to do / And I take you to dinner / You don't eat, you just play with
your food
Xander is on the dance floor and looks around. He makes his way to the
stage and gives the singer an acknowledging nod and grin.
Lyrics: And there's something familiar...
The singer gives him a "get outta here" look.
Lyrics: About every word you say
Xander is disappointed and moves away from the stage.
Lyrics: It's hard to believe it's happened again / I already met you /
And I already met you / You're like my last girlfriend / Yes, and the
girlfriend I had before her
Xander goes over to the bar where Blayne and his friend are sitting.
Blayne: Seven, including Cheryl. I'll tell you, though, her sister was
lookin' to make it eight!
Boy: Ooo, Cheryl's sister? The one in college?
Blayne: (nods) Home for the holidays and lookin' for love! She's not my
type, though. Girls really gotta have something to go with me.
Xander: (interrupting) Something like a lobotomy?
The two boys look at him.
Blayne: Xander. How many times you score?
Xander: Well, uh...
Blayne: It's just a question.
Xander: Are we talking today, or the whole week?
The two boys snicker. Xander spots Buffy and Willow coming down the
stairs.
Xander: Ooo! Duty calls!
He leaves the bar and approaches the girls as Blayne and his friend
watch.
Xander: Babes!
The girls look back at him. He comes up to them with his arms wide open
and grabs them both around the shoulders.
Buffy: What are you doing?
Xander: (to Buffy) Work with me here. Blayne had the nerve to question
my manliness. I'm just gonna give him a visual.
Willow: (throws her arms around him tightly) We'll show him!
Xander looks back at Blayne, gives him a thumbs up and puts his arm back
around Willow. The two boys seem impressed.
Buffy: (distracted) I don't believe it.
Xander: I know, and after all my conquests.
Buffy sees Angel and goes over to him.
Xander: Who's that?
Willow: That must be Angel! I think?
Xander: That weird guy that warned her about all the vampires?
Willow: That's him, I'll bet you.
Xander: Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff!
Willow: You think he's buff?
Xander: He's a very attractive man! How come *that* never came up?
Cut to Angel. Buffy comes up to him.
Buffy: Well! Look who's here!
Angel: Hi.
Buffy: I'd say it's nice to see you, but then we both know that's a big
fib.
Angel: I won't be long.
Buffy: No, you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting
new catastrophe, and then disappear into the night. Right?
Angel: You're cold.
Buffy: You can take it.
Angel: (takes off his jacket) I mean, you look cold.
He puts his jacket around her shoulders. Cut to Willow and Xander.
Xander: Oh, right! Give her your jacket. It's a balmy night, no one
needs to be trading clothing out there!
Cut to Buffy and Angel.
Buffy: A little big on me. (notices a series of cuts on Angel's arm)
What happened?
Angel: I didn't pay attention.
Buffy: To somebody with a big fork?
Angel: He's coming.
Buffy: The Fork Guy?
Angel: Don't let him corner you. Don't give him a moment's mercy. He'll
rip your throat out.
Buffy: Okay, I'll give you improved marks for that one. Ripping a
throat out, it's a strong visual, it's not cryptic!
Angel: I have to go. (leaves)
Buffy: (stares after him) Sweet dreams to you, too.
Cut to Sunnydale High the next morning. Buffy and Giles are walking
along in front of the school. Giles is eating an apple.
Giles: That's all he said? Fork Guy?
Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy.
Giles: I think there are too many 'guys' in your life. (laughs)
They meet Willow sitting on a bench.
Giles: I'll see what I can find out. (looks up at the sky) God, every
day here is the same.
Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful, how ever can we escape this torment?
Willow gives her a smile. Buffy puts down her bag and sits down next to
her.
Giles: Really.
Xander comes up behind Giles as he turns to leave.
Giles: Good morning.
Xander: Mornin'. (to the girls) Guess what I just heard in the office?
No Dr. Gregory today. Ergo, those of us who blew off our science
homework aren't as dumb as we look.
He reaches down and flips Willow's book closed. She has to stop it from
sliding off of her lap.
Buffy: What happened, is he sick?
Xander: They didn't say anything about sick, something about missing.
Buffy: He's missing?
Xander: Well, let me think. Um, the cheerleaders were modeling their
new short skirts, that kinda got... Yeah! Yeah, they said missing.
Willow and Buffy exchange a look.
Xander: Which is bad?
Buffy: If something's wrong, yeah!
Willow: He's one of the only teachers that doesn't think Buffy's a
felon.
Xander: I'm really sorry, I'm sure he'll...
He looks up and sees Miss Natalie French walking toward them.
Xander: I, uh, huh...
The girls look to see what's distracting him.
Xander: Uh, huh... huh...
Cut to a slow motion shot of Natalie walking. She comes right up to
Xander, who just stares at her.
Natalie: Could you help me?
Xander: Uuuuuuhhhhhh... Yes!
Willow and Buffy give each other amused looks.
Natalie: I'm looking for Science... 109.
Xander: Oh! It's, um...
He looks around himself, trying to remember the way. He turns back to
Natalie.
Xander: (smiles) I go there every day!
Natalie laughs.
Xander: (looks to the girls for help) Oh, God, where is it?
Willow and Buffy just shrug. Blayne appears behind Natalie and
introduces himself.
Blayne: Hi! Blayne Mall. I'm going there right now. It's not far from
the varsity field where I took All-City last year. (smiles smugly)
Natalie: Oh! Thank you, Blayne!
She and Blayne leave. Xander's gaze follows them for a moment, and then
he turns back to Willow and Buffy.
Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when
you want it to.
The girls nod their heads and give each other a smile.
Cut to science class. Natalie is writing her name on the board. Buffy,
Willow and Xander walk in. Buffy spots Dr. Gregory's glasses on the
floor and picks them up.
Willow: What's wrong?
Buffy: Dr. Gregory dropped his glasses... Why wouldn't he pick them up?
She sets the glasses on the lab table and gives Natalie a glance as she
walks to her stool. Natalie faces the class.
Natalie: My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr.
Gregory.
Buffy: Do you know when he's coming back?
Natalie: No, I don't, um, (checks her roster) Buffy. They just call and
tell me where they want me.
Blayne: (in a low voice) I'll tell you where I want you.
Natalie: Excuse me, Blayne?
Blayne: Uh, I was just wondering if you were gonna pick up where Dr.
Gregory left off.
Natalie: (smiles) Yes. His notes tell me you were right in the middle
of insect life.
She picks up a mantis mounted in a clear plastic box.
Natalie: The praying mantis is a fascinating creature. Forced to live
alone. Who can tell me why? Buffy?
She puts the mantis back down.
Buffy: Well, the words 'bug-ugly' kinda spring to mind.
There's lots of muffled laughter.
Natalie: There is nothing ugly about these unique creatures. The reason
they live alone is because they're cannibals!
Buffy: Eww!
Everyone in class looks disgusted.
Natalie: Oh, well, it's hardly their fault! It's the way nature
designed them: noble, solitary and prolific. Over 1800 species
worldwide, and in nearly all of them the female is larger *and* more
aggressive than the male.
Blayne: (aside to Buffy) Nothing wrong with an aggressive female.
Buffy angles her head and gives him a look. Natalie picks up her
notebook and starts to walk around the room.
Natalie: The California Mantis lays her eggs, and then finds a mate...
She looks at Xander. He stares back.
Natalie: ...to fertilize them. Once he's played his part, she covers
the eggs in a protective sack and attaches it to a leaf or twig out of
danger. Now, if she's done her job correctly, in a few months she'll
have several hundred offspring.
She has made her way back to the front of the class and puts down her
notebook.
Natalie: You know, we should make some model egg sacks for the science
fair. Who would like to help me do that after school?
All the boys raise their hands.
Natalie: (pleased) Good!
Cut to the cafeteria. Buffy, Willow and Xander are in line.
Buffy: Hot dog surprise. Be still, my heart.
Willow: Call me old-fashioned, I don't want any more surprises in my
hot dogs.
Xander: I wonder what she sees in me? It's probably the quiet good
looks coupled with a certain smoky magnetism.
Willow raises her eyebrows at him. She turns to Buffy and they smile.
Xander: Miss French. You two're probably a little young to understand
what an older woman would see in a younger man.
Buffy: Oh, I understand.
Xander: Good!
Buffy: The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't
find someone her own age, and too desperate to care about the surgical
improvements!
Xander: (taken aback) What surgical improvements?
Willow: (to Buffy) Well, he is young.
Buffy: And so terribly innocent!
Xander: Hey, those that can, do. Those that can't *laugh* at those
who... can do.
Blayne comes up next to Xander, getting lots of food.
Blayne: Gotta carb up for my one-on-one with Miss French today. When's
yours? Oh, right, tomorrow. You came in second, I came in first. Guess
that's what they call natural selection. (leaves)
Xander: Guess it's what they call a rehearsal! (to the girls)
Rehearsal... (laughs lamely)
The girls smile. Buffy goes over to get some utensils. As she walks back
Cordelia comes in through the exit and bumps into her.
Cordelia: (to Buffy) Excuse you!
She goes behind the counter, showing a piece of paper to the cafeteria
workers.
Cordelia: Medically prescribed lunch. My doctor ships it daily... I'll
only be here as long as I can hold my breath.
She opens a refrigerator and screams. Inside is a headless body. Buffy
and Willow run to see what's wrong. Cordelia backs away from the fridge.
Cordelia: (hysterically) His head! His head! Oh, my God, where's his
head?!
Buffy and Willow arrive to see what's inside. Buffy stares in disbelief.
Xander is close behind and has to look away when he sees. Willow looks
squeamish. The name on the body's lab coat is "Dr. Gregory".
Cut to the library. Giles pours a glass of water. He brings it over to
Buffy, who is sitting on the steps with Willow. Both girls have deeply
sad looks on their faces. Buffy has been crying.
Giles: (hands the glass to Buffy) Here. Drink this.
Buffy: (idly takes the glass) No, thank you. (takes a sip)
Xander: (behind Giles) I've never seen...
Giles looks back at Xander.
Xander: (shaken) I mean, I've never seen anything like... That was new.
Willow: Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory?
Giles: Uh, he didn't have any enemies on the staff that I'm aware of.
He was a civilized man. I liked him.
Buffy: So did I.
Willow: (looks up at Giles) Well, we're gonna find out who did this.
We'll find them and we'll stop them.
Buffy: Count on it.
Giles: What do we know?
Buffy: Oh, not a lot, um... (sniffs and wipes a tear from her nose) He
was killed here on campus. I'm guessing the last day we saw him.
Giles: How do you work that out?
Buffy: He didn't change his clothing.
Xander: This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear,
but... where did they put his head?
Willow: Good point. I *didn't* wanna hear that.
Buffy: Angel! (gets up) He warned me that something was coming.
She takes another sip of water as she walks over to the table.
Giles: Yes. Yes he did, didn't he? I wish I knew what he meant. I've
been trying to gather more information about the Master, our, uh, local
vampire king. There was one oblique reference to a, a, a vampire who
displeased the Master and cut his hand off in penance.
Buffy: Cut off his hand and replaced it with a fork?
Giles: I don't know what he replaced it with.
Xander: So, why would he come after a teacher?
Giles: I'm not certain he did. There was an incident two nights ago...
He walks over to the counter, picks up a newspaper and returns with it.
Giles: ...uh, involving a homeless person in Weatherly Park. He was
practically shredded, but, uh, nothing like Dr. Gregory.
Buffy: (looks at the paper) Fork Guy doesn't do heads.
Giles: Not historically.
Buffy: And Dr. Gregory's blood wasn't drained.
Xander: So there's something else out there? Besides Silverwareman? Oh,
this is fun, we're on Monster Island.
Buffy: We're on a Hellmouth. It's a center of mystical convergence.
Guess it's the same thing. (walks toward Xander)
Giles: Well, unpleasant things do gravitate here, it's true, but, uh,
we don't know there's anything besides this chap. He's still our likely
suspect.
Buffy: Where was that guy killed? Weatherly Park?
Giles: Buffy. (advances toward her) I know you're upset, but, uh, this
is no time to go hunting, not until we know more. Please promise me you
won't do anything rash?
Buffy: Cross my heart.
Cut to the park at night. Buffy climbs the fence. She walks through the
park, carefully looking around. A bum comes up to her, startling her.
Bum: Shouldn't be out here at night, little lady. Dangerous.
The bum leaves. She notices another bum on the ground in front of a
bench, and she checks him out. He's okay, just asleep. Buffy continues
stalking. Dogs bark in the distance. Buffy finds some shrubbery covering
a sewer access hole. She moves it aside, and Fork Guy jumps out at her.
She rushes backward. He swings with his claw, but misses. She slams her
straight arm into his gut, then again into his back. He swings again,
but Buffy dodges him. She backhand punches him in the face, does a
roundhouse kick to his jaw and backhand punches his face again. He takes
another swing at Buffy, but she evades it. She front kicks him. He
lunges at her, and she grabs his arm and flips him over onto his back.
Buffy tries to stake him, but he rolls away and back onto his feet. She
kicks him again, and he staggers backward and falls. Buffy hears voices
and turns to see people with flashlights coming over the hill.
Voices: Hold it! Police! Did you see that? I got nothing here!
Buffy looks back and forth between Fork Guy and the posse. The vampire
runs off.
Voices: I heard it. Spread out. Let's go over here. This way, this way.
Alright...
Buffy makes tracks after the vampire.
Cut to the fence at the edge of the park. Natalie is walking home on the
other side with grocery bags in her arms. The vampire stalks her and
climbs over the fence. Buffy comes running up. The vampire lands behind
Natalie. Buffy reaches the fence and watches. Natalie senses the
vampire, stops and turns to face him. Fork Guy hisses and runs away in
fear. Natalie watches him go. Buffy can't believe what she's seeing. The
vampire crosses the street, lifts a manhole cover and climbs down.
Natalie continues her walk home. Fork Guy pulls the manhole cover back
into place. Buffy came only stare after Natalie, her mouth agape.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
Sunnydale High, the next morning. Cut to the library.
Giles: You went hunting last night.
Buffy: Yes.
He walks into his office. She follows behind him.
Giles: When you assured me you wouldn't. (takes a sip from his mug)
Buffy: Yes, I lied, I'm a bad person, let's move on.
Giles: (opens his file cabinet) Did you see someone with a fork?
Buffy: More like a jumbo claw.
Giles: (turns to face her) Oh. Well, uh, at least you're not hurt.
Buffy: And I saw something else. Something much more interesting than
your average run-of-the-mill killer vampire.
Giles: Oh?
Buffy: Do you know Miss French, the teacher that's subbing for Dr.
Gregory?
Giles: (smiles) Yes. Yes, she's lovely. In a, a common, extremely well
proportioned way. (puts some files away)
Buffy: Well, I'm chasing Claw Guy last night, and Miss Well
Proportioned is heading home. The Claw Guy takes one look at her and
runs screaming for cover.
Giles: (confused) He what? Ran away?
Buffy: He was petrified.
Giles: Of Miss French?
Buffy: Uh-huh! So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand...
How many things am I afraid of?
Giles: Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule.
Buffy: So what's her deal?
Giles: I think perhaps it would be a good idea if we kept an eye on
her.
Buffy: Then I better get to class.
She leaves the office.
Cut to Buffy rushing down the stairs in the halls. She is stopped by
Principal Flutie.
Mr. Flutie: You were there. You saw Dr. Gregory, didn't you?
Buffy: Um, you mean yesterday in the cafeteria when we found him...
Mr. Flutie: Don't say dead! Or decapitated, or decomposing, I'd stay
away from D-words altogether. But you witnessed the event, so this way,
please. (starts down the hall)
Buffy: (stops him short) Well, no, I'm gonna be late for biology...
Mr. Flutie: Extremely late! (starts down the hall again) You have to
see a counselor. Everyone who saw the body has to see a crisis
counselor.
Buffy: But I really don't need...
Mr. Flutie: We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise we bottle
them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I
really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this
thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, (jumps back) but not a real
hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong
touching.
Buffy: But, I really, really don't...
Mr. Flutie: No, you have to talk to a counselor and start the healing.
You have to heal.
Buffy: But Mr. Flutie, I...
Mr. Flutie: Heal!
He sits her down in a chair outside of the counselor's office and paces
off. Buffy leans back in the chair and looks bummed. Then she hears
Cordelia inside the office.
Cordelia: I don't know what to say, it was really, I mean, one minute
you're in your normal life, and then who's in the fridge? (the camera
pans over to show her inside) It really gets to you, a thing like that.
(cut inside) It was... let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing
since yesterday. I think I lost, like, seven and a half ounces? Way
swifter than that so-called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I'm not
saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose
weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the
bright side. You know?
Cut to Buffy. What she's hearing is just too weird.
Cordelia: Like, how even used Mercedes still have leather seats!
Cut to science class. Natalie is giving a pop quiz, and is walking along
the aisle.
Natalie: Keep your eyes straight ahead on your own test.
She comes up behind Xander.
Natalie: (in a low voice) I think you meant 'pollination' for number
fourteen. (puts her hand on his shoulder) I'll see you here after
school.
Cut to the hall. Buffy comes running to class and looks in through the
door window.
Buffy: Oh, great, a pop quiz.
Cut inside. Natalie suddenly straightens up. Buffy looks in. She sees
Natalie turn her head around 180 degrees. Her eyes go wide with
amazement. She quickly rolls away from the window.
Cut to the library. Buffy and Willow come in.
Buffy: No, I'm not saying she craned her neck. We are talking full-on
Exorcist twist.
Willow: Ouch!
Buffy: Which reminds me, how come Blayne, who worked with her one-on-
one yesterday, isn't here today?
Willow: Inquiring minds wanna know.
Buffy: (to Giles) Any luck?
Willow sits down in front of the PC and begins a search.
Giles: Um, I've not found any creature as yet that strikes terror in a
vampire's heart.
Buffy: Try looking under things that can turn their heads all the way
around.
Giles: Nothing human can do that.
Buffy: No, nothing human. There are some insects that can. Whatever she
is, I'm gonna be ready for her.
She turns and hops up the stairs to the stacks. Giles takes off his
glasses.
Giles: What are you going to do?
Buffy: (turns back to answer) My homework.
She continues up into the stacks. Willow looks up at her and smiles,
then continues her search. Buffy comes running back.
Buffy: Where are the books on bugs?
Cut to the science classroom. Natalie is at the desk spreading butter on
a slice of bread. She's about to open a plastic container when she hears
Xander come in and looks up.
Xander: Hi!
Natalie: Oh, Hi! I was just grabbing a snack. Can I fix you something?
Xander: No thanks, I never... eat when I'm making egg sacks. (sees the
model) Wow, if this were real the bugs would be...
Natalie: ...as big as you!
Xander: Yeah! So! Where do we start?
Natalie: Oh, Xander! (gets up) I've done something really stupid. I
hope you can forgive me.
Xander: Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Well, actually it's LaVelle,
and I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life. (laughs)
Natalie: (laughs) I have a teacher's conference in half an hour, and I
left the paint and papier-mâché at home. I don't suppose you'd like to
come to my place tonight to work on it there?
Xander: (swallows) Come to, uh... your place?
He flashes to his guitar solo for a moment.
Natalie: 7:30? Here's my address. (writes it down)
Xander can't believe his luck.
Natalie: (hands him her address) I'll see you tonight?
Xander: (in a high, squeaky voice) Yeah!
Cut to the hall. Xander comes out of the classroom.
Xander: (pumping his fists into the air) Ooo, yes!
Cut inside the classroom. Natalie opens the container now. It's full of
crickets. She dumps them onto the buttered bread and folds the slice in
half. She takes a bite. Crunchy!
Cut to the library. Buffy comes out of the stacks with a book.
Buffy: Dig this: 'The praying mantis can rotate its head 180 degrees
while waiting for its next meal to walk by.' (slams the book shut) Ha!
(silence) Well, c'mon, guys. Ha!
Willow: Well, Miss French is sort of big. For a bug?
Giles: And she is, by and large, woman shaped.
Buffy: (makes her way down to them) Okay. Factoid 1: Only the praying
mantis can rotate its head like that. Factoid 2: A pretty whacked-out
vampire is scared to death of her. Factoid 3: Her fashion sense screams
predator.
Willow: It's the shoulder pads.
Buffy: Exactly.
Giles: If you're right, then she'd have to be a shape shifter or a
perception distorter. On a helpful note, I had a chum at Oxford,
Carlyle, advanced degrees in entomology mythology.
Buffy: Entoma-who?
Giles: Bugs and fairy tales.
Buffy: I knew that.
Giles: If I recall correctly, poor old Carlyle, just before he went
mad, claimed there was some beast...
Willow: (the PC beeps) Buffy, 911! Blayne's mom called the school. He
never came home last night.
Giles: The boy who worked with Miss French yesterday?
Willow: Yeah! If Miss French is responsible for... Xander's supposed to
be helping her right now! He's got a crush on a giant insect!
Buffy: Okay, don't panic, I'll warn him. But I need you to hack onto
the coroner's office for me.
Willow: Well, what are we looking for?
Buffy: Autopsy on Dr. Gregory. I've been trying to figures out these
marks that I saw on his corpse... I'm thinking they were teeth. And, uh,
these cuddlies? (points to a picture of a mantis) Should definitely be
brushing after every meal. (Willow types) (to Giles) And you were saying
something about a beast?
Giles: (gets up to go to his office) Oh, uh, yeah, I just need to make
one transatlantic telephone call. (stops and turns back) Um, this
computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one,
one assumes it is entirely legal?
Willow and Buffy answer simultaneously.
Willow: Entirely!
Buffy: Of course!
Giles: Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you.
Buffy: Good idea.
Cut outside. Buffy catches up with Xander.
Buffy: Hey!
Xander: Hey!
Buffy: So, how'd it go with Miss French?
Xander: Well, it's a bit demanding being her absolute favorite guy in
the universe, but I'll muddle through.
Buffy: Xander, she's not what she seems.
Xander: I know, she's so much more.
Buffy: Okay, um... I'm gonna have to tell you something about her, and
I'm gonna need you to really listen, okay?
Xander: Okay.
Buffy: I don't think she's human.
Xander: I see. So if she's not human she's...?
Buffy: Technically? A big bug.
Xander laughs.
Buffy: This sounds really weird, I'm aware of that...
Xander: It doesn't sound weird at all, I completely understand. I've
met someone, and you're jealous.
Buffy: What?
Xander: Look, there's nothing I can do about it. Uh, there's just this
certain chemical thing between Miss French and me.
Buffy: I know, I read all about it, it's call, um, a pheromone. It's a
chemical attractant that insects give off.
Xander: She's not an insect! She's a woman, okay? And hard as that may
be for you to conceive, an actual woman finds me attractive. I realize
it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets, and while we're on the
subject, what kind of a girlie name is 'Angel' anyway?
Buffy: What does that have to do with...
Xander: Nothing! It just kinda bugs me. Look, I really gotta...
He walks off. Buffy turns and watches him go.
Buffy: Wha...?
Cut to Natalie's house that night. She pours two martinis. Her dress
shows lots of cleavage. The doorbell rings. She smiles and goes to open
it.
Natalie: Hi! Come on in!
Xander stares at her cleavage as he comes in.
Natalie: Should I change? Is, is this too... (she closes the door)
Xander: No, no, it's, the most beautiful chest... dress I've ever seen.
She smiles and goes back into the living room. Xander follows.
Natalie: Thank you. That's sweet. Martini? (offers him one) Oh, I'm
sorry, would you like something else?
Xander quickly accepts the drink.
Natalie: (laughs) I just need to relax a little, I'm kinda nervous
around you. (she sits down) You're probably cool as a cucumber!
Xander: (sits down) I like cucumbers. Like in that Greek salad thing
with the yogurt. Do you like Greek food? I'm exempting Schwarma, of
course, I mean, what's that all about? It's a big meat hive.
They laugh, he nervously, she playfully. Xander gulps the martini.
Xander: Hhhhhhho! Hello!
Natalie: Cheers! (clinks their glasses) Can I ask you a personal
question?
She puts her glass down and gets closer to Xander.
Natalie: Have you ever been with a woman before?
Xander: You mean, like, in, uh, the same room?
Natalie: You know what I mean.
Xander: Oh, that, uh... Well, let me think. Um...
Natalie runs her fingers though his hair and around his ear.
Xander: Yeah, there was, uh... several!
She continues her stroke down to Xander's chin.
Xander: I mean, and, uh, quite a few times... And then there was, uh...
Oh, she was incredibly... No. Uh-uh.
Natalie: I know. I can tell.
Xander: You can?
Natalie: Oh, I like it. You might say, I... *need* it.
Xander: Oh! Well, needs should, uh, y'know... Needs should definitely
be met, as long as it doesn't require ointments the next day, or...
Muffled yelling can be heard from somewhere.
Xander: Do you hear...
Natalie: No...
Xander: Sounds like someone crying...
Natalie: I don't hear anything. (takes his hand) Your hands are so hot!
Xander flashes to his dream.
Buffy: Oh, you hurt your hand!
Xander comes back. The drink is beginning to affect him. He leans back
on the couch.
Xander: Buffy. I love Buffy. Wow! So that's a martini, huh?
Natalie: Mm-hmm.
Xander: (sits back up) Do you hear...
Natalie: (interrupting) Would you like to touch me with those hands?
Xander: (looks at Natalie's hands) Your hands are sss... really... (her
hands morph) serrated! Oh, wow, that martini, I... I really think I have
to...
Xander falls to the floor unconscious. Two mantis claws drag him away by
his feet.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
Natalie's basement. The camera pans down from the window above the
stairs to Xander. He's lying unconscious in a cage. There are squishing
noises. Xander wakes up, looks around, grabs the bars and pulls himself
up. He sees Natalie as a giant mantis preparing her nest.
Xander: Miss... French?
Natalie: Please, call me Natalie.
Xander backs away into the cage.
Cut to the library. Giles is on the phone.
Giles: Frankly, madam, I haven't the faintest idea what time it is, nor
do I care. Now, unlock his cell, unstrap him, and bring him to the
telephone immediately. This is a matter of life and death!
Cut to Willow typing.
Willow: Got it! Coroner's report, complete with... Yuk! ...color
pictures.
Buffy: There *are* teeth marks. Which match perfectly the one insect
that nips off its prey's head.
Willow: Okay, I-I don't like this.
Buffy: Huh! It's the way they feed, head first. It's also the way they
mate. The female bites off the male's head while they're...
Willow: No, no, no! See? Xander's, I like his head! I-it's where you
find his eyes, and his hair, and his adorable smile...
Buffy: Hey, hey, take it easy, Willow. Xander is not in any immediate
danger. I saw him leave school. He's probably safe at home right now.
Cut to Natalie's basement. Xander backs up in his cage and is surprised
by Blayne when he reaches the far corner.
Xander: Ah! Blayne!
Blayne: (terrified) Oh, God! Oh, God!
Xander: Are you all right?
Blayne: Oh, God! (breathes) You gotta get me outta here! You gotta!
She, she, she gets you, and, uh...
Xander: What?
Blayne: ...she, she...
Xander: What does she do?
Blayne: Oh, God! Oh, oh, no!
Xander: Blayne! What does she do?
Blayne: She, she... she, she takes you outta the cage, and she ties you
up, and, and... she... she starts movin', and throbbin', and these eggs
come shootin' out of her! And then...
Xander: What?
Blayne: And then...
Xander: Then what?
Blayne: She mates with you!
Xander: Sheeee...
Blayne: That's not the worst part!
Xander: That's not?
Blayne: You seen her teeth? Right while she's, you know, right in the
middle of... I saw her do it! I don't wanna die like that!
Xander: Blayne! Blayne! Chill! It's okay. It's gonna be okay. We'll get
outta this.
Blayne: (hopeful) You gotta plan? What is it?
Xander: Just, uh, let me perfect it!
Blayne: (gives up hope) Oh, God... Oh, God... Oh, God...
Cut to the library. Giles is talking with Carlyle on the phone in his
office.
Giles: I-I understand, Carlyle. Yes... I-I'll take every precaution.
Uh, absolutely, i-i-it sounds exactly like the creature you described.
Y-you were right all along about everything. Well, n-no, you weren't
right about your mother coming back as a Pekinese, but... uh... Try to
rest, old man. Yes... Ta! Bye now!
He hangs up and comes out of his office. Willow and Buffy are at the PC.
Giles: Dr. Ferris Carlyle spent years transcribing a lost pre-Germanic
language. What he discovered he kept to himself until several teenage
boys were murdered in the Cotswolds. Then he went hunting for it.
Buffy: It being...
Giles: Uh, he calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the
Kleptes-Virgo, or, or virgin-thief, appears in, in many cultures. The
Greek sirens, the Celtic sea maidens, who, who tore the living flesh
from the bones of, um...
Buffy: Giles, while we're young!
Giles: Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of
a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh... I mean, he's probably...
Willow: (quickly gets up, worried) ...gonna die! (goes to the phone)
Buffy: Okay, okay, (walks around Giles) so this thing is breeding and
we need to find it and snuff it. (faces Giles) Any tips on the snuffing
part?
Giles: Uh, Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp
blade.
Willow is on the phone in the background behind Buffy talking to
Xander's mom.
Buffy: Slice and Dice.
Giles: Well, whatever you do, it had better be certain and swift. This
beast is extremely dangerous.
Buffy: Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, and he's still around.
Giles: Yes, in a straitjacket, howling his innards out day and night.
Buffy: Okay, Admiral, way to inspire the troops!
Giles: Sorry...
Willow: (off the phone now) Xander's not home! He told his mom he was
going to his teacher's house to work on a science project. He didn't
tell her where.
Buffy: (to Willow) See if you can get her address off the substitute
rolls. (to Giles) And you need to record bat sonar, and fast!
Giles: Bat sonar, right. What?
Buffy: Bats eat them. (leads Giles to the stairs) The mantis hears
sonar, its entire nervous system goes kaplooey.
Giles: Where am I gonna find the...
Buffy: In the vid library? There're no books, but it's dark and musty,
you'll feel right at home, go! (exhales) (to herself) I guess I'll
handle the armory.
Cut to Natalie's basement. Xander and Blayne are in their cages. Xander
is working on one of the bars.
Blayne: Don't do anything to make her mad!
Xander pulls the bar out.
Blayne: (brightens) Hey, alright, now I can get outta my cage! (bummed)
Into yours. What'd you do that for?
Xander: A weapon!
Blayne: (sees Natalie coming) I think you're gonna need it.
Xander looks up and is startled. He drops the bar.
Cut to the library. Miss French's record is coming out of the printer.
Buffy comes in the door.
Willow: Getting the address.
Buffy: Great! Giles?
Giles: (holding a tape recorder) Recording bat sonar is something
soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled.
Buffy: (takes the tape recorder) Let's roll!
They all head for the door.
Willow: According to Miss French's personnel records, she was born in
1907. She's, like, 90 years old!
Giles: And extremely well preserved!
Cut to Natalie's basement. She is looking back and forth between the
boys.
Blayne: Oh, God! (goes through the hole into Xander's cage) Uh, he did
that, he broke the cage, take him, not me, take him!
Cut to Giles, Buffy and Willow driving up to Miss French's house. They
get out and run up to the door.
Giles: What now, exactly? We can't just kick the door down.
Buffy: Yeah, that *would* be wrong.
She gets ready to kick, but the door opens. An old lady is there.
Miss French: Hello, dear! I thought I heard... Are you selling
something? Because I'd like to help you out, but... You see, I'm on a
fixed income.
Buffy: I'm looking for Miss French.
Miss French: I'm Miss French.
Buffy: Natalie French, the substitute biology teacher?
Miss French: (laughs) Goodness, that's me! I taught for over thirty
years. I retired in 1972.
Buffy: (to Giles) I can't believe this! She used Miss French's records
to get into the school. She could be anywhere!
Miss French: No, dear! I'm right here!
Cut to Natalie's basement.
Xander: What's she doing?
Blayne: I think it's eeny, meeny, miney...
Xander: Moe?
The camera closes in on Xander's terrified face.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~
Natalie's basement. She opens the door to the cage. Xander crawls out on
his butt, bar in hand.
Xander: I'm comin', I'm comin'.
When he's just out of the cage he swings the bar and hits Natalie as he
gets up. She staggers. He runs for the stairs. Halfway up Natalie trips
him with her claw, and he tumbles back down the stairs.
Cut to Miss French's house. Giles, Willow and Buffy are going back to
the car.
Willow: What do we do now?
Giles: Abject prayer and supplication would spring to mind.
Buffy: I saw her walking past this park with her grocery bags. She
lives in this neighborhood.
Willow: I'm gonna start banging on doors. (heads for the next house)
Buffy: (stops Willow) Wait, no, we do *not* have time for that!
Willow: We have to do something!
Buffy: We will.
Cut to the manhole cover where Buffy saw Claw Guy go in. Buffy lifts it
off and starts to climb in.
Buffy: I won't be long. (goes down)
Giles: W... Buffy?
Cut to Natalie's basement. Xander is tied up with leather straps.
Natalie is in his face.
Blayne: Oh, yeah, here it comes!
Xander: What? What's happening?!
Blayne: How do you like your eggs, bro, over easy or sunny side up?
Xander: Eggs? She's gonna lay some...
He sees her lay some eggs. He flashes to Natalie's lecture in science
class.
Natalie: The California Mantis lays her eggs, and then finds a mate to
fertilize them.
His flashback is over, and he's scared.
Cut to the manhole.
Willow: (into the hole) Come on, Buffy!
Cut to some bushes. There are sounds of Claw Guy swinging his arm and
ropes whipping through the air. Buffy pushes Claw Guy out of the bushes.
His arms are tied behind his back.
Claw Guy: You!
Buffy: Me!
She shoves him down the street. Cut to Natalie's street. Buffy is
pushing Claw Guy down the sidewalk in front of her. Giles and Willow
follow.
Buffy: Come on! Come on, where is she? Which house is it? I know you're
afraid of her, I saw you! Come on!
Claw Guy begins to react to Natalie's presence.
Buffy: Come on. What? What is it? This is her, isn't it, this is her
house? This is it! Better than radar!
She lets go of him. Claw Guy cuts the ropes with his blades.
Willow: Buffy!
He swings at Buffy, but she leans back in time, only to trip and fall
backward over the miniature picket fence running along the walk to the
house. Claw Guy jumps to follow. She crawls backward on her butt until
she hits the fence on the other side of the lawn. She rips a picket from
the fence and thrusts it into Claw Guy as he takes another swing at her.
He falls over dead. Giles breathes a sigh of relief.
Cut to the basement. Natalie advances on Xander.
Natalie: Kiss me! (laughs) Kiss me!
Xander: Can I just say one thing? HEEEELLLLP! HEEEELLLLP!
Buffy smashes the basement window and slides in.
Blayne: Uh, hey, o-over here, hello! In the cage!
She pulls her bag though the window.
Buffy: (to Natalie) Let him go!
She runs down the stairs and sets the bag down. Willow climbs in the
window, too. Buffy pulls two cans of insect spray from the bag and
sprays Natalie in the face. Giles climbs in as Willow runs behind Buffy
to open the cage. The spray disorients Natalie. Giles comes down the
stairs now too. Buffy points him at Xander.
Blayne: Help me! Help me!
Buffy: (to Giles) Get them outta here!
She pulls the tape recorder and a machete from her bag.
Blayne: Hey, help me! Help me!
Giles undoes the leather straps holding Xander. Natalie retreats to the
back of her nest. Buffy starts to close in on her.
Buffy: Remember Dr. Gregory? You scarfed his head? Yeah, well, he
taught me, you do your homework, you learn stuff. Like what happens to
your nervous system when you hear this!
She plays the tape. It's Giles' voice. Buffy stares at the machine in
disbelief.
Tape: ...extremely important to file not simply alphabetically...
Buffy: (back to Giles) Giles!
Giles: (on the floor pointing at Natalie) I-it's the wrong side!
Natalie knocks the tape recorder and machete from Buffy's hands. Giles
watches the recorder fly over him, hit the ground and slide under a
refrigerator. He scrambles to get it. Buffy turns her attention back on
Natalie. Natalie tries to trip Buffy, but she jumps over her claw.
Xander comes up next to her with a can of bug spray and sprays it into
Natalie's face. Buffy pushes him away from danger, and Natalie takes the
opportunity to knock her down. Buffy raises herself onto her hands and
one leg, and with the other does two crouching side kicks to Natalie's
legs to keep her at bay. Giles searches under the refrigerator. Buffy
kicks again. She sees the machete on the floor and grabs it. Giles has
the recorder now, jumps around on the floor with the recorder in front
of him and plays the tape. The sounds of bat sonar severely hurt and
disorient Natalie. She flails her claws around.
Buffy: Bat sonar. Makes your whole nervous system go to Hell. You can
go there with it!
She slashes at Natalie fiercely and repeatedly with the machete, hacking
her to pieces. She's winded afterward. Giles gets up. Willow runs over
to Xander. Blayne is out of his cage. They look at the carnage.
Giles: Well, I... I'd say it's deceased.
Willow: And dissected.
Xander: (to Buffy) You okay?
Buffy: Yeah.
Xander: Just for the record, you were right, I'm an idiot, and God
bless you!
Buffy lowers her head.
Xander: (to the others) And thank you guys, too.
Blayne: Yeah, really!
Giles: Pleasure...
Willow: I'm really glad you're okay. It's so unfair how she only went
after virgins.
Xander laughs and looks back and forth between the girls.
Xander: (to Willow) What?
Willow: I mean, here you guys are, doing the right thing, the smart
thing, when a lot of other boys your age...
Blayne: Flag down on that play, babe. I am *not*...
Giles: (interrupts) Well, you see, that's the She-Mantis' modus
operandi. Uh, she only preys on the pure.
Xander: Well, isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day!
Blayne: My dad's a lawyer. Anyone repeats this to anybody, they're
gonna find themselves facing a lawsuit.
Xander: Blayne! Shut up!
Willow: I don't think it's bad, I think it's really...
Xander holds up the machete.
Willow: ...sweet! It's certainly nothing I'll ever bring up again.
Xander takes the machete over to Natalie's nest, looks it over and
starts hacking away at it.
Cut to the Bronze. Buffy is at the bar wearing Angel's jacket. Angel
comes up behind her. Buffy senses him and looks up at him.
Angel: (smiles) I heard a rumor there was, uh, one less vampire walking
around making a nuisance of himself.
Buffy: There is. Guess I should thank you for the tip.
Angel: Pleasure's mine.
Buffy: Course, it would make things easier if I knew how to get in
touch with you.
Angel: I'll be around.
Buffy: Or who you were?
Angel just smiles and moves around to the other side of her.
Buffy: Well... Anyway, you can have your jacket back.
Angel: It looks better on you.
He turns and leaves. Buffy stares after him. Angel gives another look
back and disappears into the crowd.
Buffy: (to herself) Oh boy!
Cut to science class the next day. There's a new science teacher.
Teacher: All midterm papers will be exactly six pages long. No more, no
less. One third of your grade will be dependent...
The camera closes in on Buffy, daydreaming.
Teacher: ...on those papers. No more, no less.
The bell rings. Buffy comes back to Earth. Everyone gets up and leaves.
On the way out Buffy sees Dr. Gregory's glasses still on the lab bench
where she left them. She picks them up and remembers him. She sees Dr.
Gregory's jacket still hanging on the hook on the closet door and goes
over to put the glasses in a pocket. Cut to inside the closet. As she
closes the door the camera pans down from Buffy to a lower shelf and
stops on a cluster of She-Mantis eggs attached underneath. One of the
eggs hatches.
Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
Written by: Rob Des Hotel & Dean Batali
Directed by: David Semel
Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson
Copyright © 1997 Alexander Thompson
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
The cemetery. Buffy is fighting a vampire. She kicks him in the face
with a high roundhouse kick, forcing him to step backward to keep his
balance. The vampire does a jumping half-twisting crescent kick, which
Buffy ducks. He tries two punches, and Buffy neatly blocks them. On his
third punch she grabs hold of his arm and hits him in the face with a
high front snap kick. Letting go of the vampire's arm, Buffy punches him
squarely in the midsection and follows up with a swinging punch to his
face, sending him to the ground.
Buffy: We haven't been properly introduced. (pulls out a stake) I'm
Buffy, and you're history!
She plunges the stake into him as he gets up. He falls and bursts into
ashes.
Giles: (pops up from behind a crypt) Poor technique. (comes around to
her) Prioritizing, sub-par... Execution was adequate, but a bit too
bloody for my taste.
Buffy: Giles, don't mention it. It was my *pleasure* to make the world
safe for humanity again.
Giles: I'm not saying that your methods are without merit, it's, uh, y-
you're spending too much time and energy. It should simply be: plunge,
and move on. Plunge and... (notices something on the ground) Hello.
(bends over to pick up a ring with his pen)
Buffy: (sees the ring) Oh, that's great! I kill 'em, you fence their
stuff. (Giles gives her a look) What is it?
Giles: I don't know.
Buffy: But it bothers you.
Giles: Yes! Well, I... I thought this vampire was just on a random
kill, but it may be something else.
Buffy: Something big?
Giles: Yes. I'd best consult my books.
Cut to the Master's lair. He slams a book down on his lectern, opens it
and reads.
Master: 'And there will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the
balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great
warrior. And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him, and he
will lead her into Hell.' As it is written, so shall it be. (picks up
the book and walks) 'Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed
shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelius shall greet him and usher him to
his immortal destiny.' (stops by one of the brethren) As it is written,
so shall it be. 'And one of the brethren shall go out hunting the night
before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his
job before he ate.' Oh, wait. (grabs one of the brethren by the throat)
That's not written anywhere. (lifts the vampire from his feet) The
Anointed will be my greatest weapon against the Slayer! If you fail to
bring him to me, if you allow that girl to stop you... (throws the
vampire into a coffin) Here endeth the lesson.
He slams the book shut and walks off.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
The library. Buffy is sitting on the table and studying the ring. Giles
makes his way down to her from the stacks while leafing through a book.
Giles: That symbol on the ring... I believe it's the rune for fidelity,
but, uh, it doesn't connect with any of the sects that I've studied.
Buffy: What about this? (shows him the ring) On the inside. It's a sun
and three stars. Haven't we seen that somewhere?
Giles: Let me see. (takes the ring and looks closely) No, I-I don't
think this, um, represents any...
Buffy: (looks in a book) Wait, it's right here. Sun and three stars.
Yuck, check these guys out. (hands Giles the open book) Told you it
looked familiar.
Giles: Oh, the Order of Aurelius. Yes, you're right.
Buffy: Ooo, two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to
score!
Owen comes into the library and approaches them.
Buffy: Oh! (slides off the table) Owen! Hi!
Giles: (looks up at Owen) What do you want?
Owen: A book?
Giles: Oh!
Buffy: (to Giles) See, this is a school, and we have students, and they
check out books, and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
Owen: I lost my Emily. Dickinson. It's dumb, but I like her around.
Kind of a security blanket.
Buffy: (awkwardly) I have something like that. Well, it's an actual
blanket. Uh, and I don't really carry it around anym-more... So! Emily
Dickens, huh? She's great!
Owen: Dickinson.
Buffy: She's good also.
Giles: (points at the stacks) Poetry.
Owen: (to Buffy) I didn't think I'd find you here. (goes up the stairs)
Buffy: (follows Owen) W... Why not?
Owen: I, I didn't mean... I mean... I think you can read.
Buffy: Thanks.
Owen: But you don't seem bookwormy. (finds his book) The type of person
to lock themselves in a dark room with a lotta musty old books. (looks
up from the book) Oh, and I've offended you.
Buffy: No! No, I'm just surprised you gave any thought to what I'm
like.
Owen: You shouldn't be. (starts back down)
Buffy: (follows again) Oh, well, I *love* books. I mean, I really
*love* books.
Owen sees the book they were consulting earlier on the table and heads
over there to take a look.
Owen: What's this?
Buffy: (gets between him and the book) Not this one.
Giles: (picks the book up) This one she doesn't love.
He walks around Buffy, takes Owen's book and heads to the checkout
station.
Giles: Oh, Emily Dickinson.
Buffy: We're both fans.
Giles: Yes, uh, she's quite a good poet, I mean for a... (takes Owen's
library card)
Buffy: A girl?
Giles: For an American. (scans the book and library card)
Owen: (to Buffy) I'll, uh, see you in math... if I open my eyes at some
point. (takes the card and book from Giles)
Buffy: Cool...
Owen leaves. Buffy stares after him.
Giles: The Order of Aurelius is a very old and venerated sect. If
they're here, it's for a good reason.
Buffy: That was Owen!
Giles: Yes, I remember.
Buffy: Do you have any more copies of Emily Dickinson? I need one.
Giles: (exasperated) Buffy, while the mere fact of you wanting to check
out a book would be grounds for a national holiday, I think we should
focus on the problem at hand.
Buffy: Right. I'm sorry, you're right. Vampires. (looks down at her
dress) Oh. (looks inquisitively at Giles) Does this outfit make me look
fat?
Cut to the cafeteria. Buffy and Willow are paying for lunch.
Willow: Owen Thurman was talking to you?
Buffy: It's all true.
Willow: Wow! He hardly talks to anyone. He's solitary, mysterious... He
can brood for forty minutes straight, I've clocked him.
Buffy: He was so nice, it was eerie.
Willow: What did you guys have to talk about?
Buffy: (heads for a table) Emily Dickinson.
Willow: (follows) He reads Emily Dickinson? He's sensitive, yet manly!
(Buffy sets down her tray) Well, wait, you've never even read her.
Buffy pulls out the book and sets it down for Willow to see.
Willow: You vixen! (they both sit)
Xander: (holds up his fork) Has anybody given any thought to what this
green stuff is?
Buffy: Hmm, I'm avoiding the subject.
Xander: I think it's kale, or possibly string cheese. (lets the fork
drop) So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: (gives him a stern look) Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the *laying* go? (gets another look from Buffy)
No, I don't mean that either.
Buffy: It went fine, thank you. There's some new hoidy-toidy vampire
sect in town.
Willow: That's bad.
Xander: Well, hey, they're bringing in the much needed tourist dollars.
(sees Owen) Ooo, look at Mr. Excitement.
Buffy: Owen! He's all alone! Maybe somebody should sit with him.
Willow: Mm, just to be polite! (Buffy gets up) Good luck!
Xander: (to Willow) Okay, what just happened?
Buffy walks over to Owen's table. Cordelia is coming over, too, from
another direction.
Cordelia: Look, an empty seat! (bumps Buffy)
Buffy: (spills her tray) Ooo! Ew...
Owen: Let me get that. (bends down)
Buffy: Thanks! (crouches) Boy! Cordelia's hips are wider than I
thought!
Cordelia: (sarcastically) Eh-heh!
Owen: At least you don't have to eat your Soylent Green.
Cordelia: (trying to get attention) Owen, a bunch of us are loitering
at the Bronze tonight. You there?
Owen: Who's all going?
Cordelia: Well, um, I'm gonna be there.
Owen: Who else?
Cordelia: You mean besides me?
Owen: (to Buffy) Buffy, what about you?
Buffy: What?
Cordelia: No, no, no! She, uh, she doesn't like fun.
Owen: (to Buffy) How 'bout we meet there at eight?
Buffy: (smiles) Yeah! Eight! There!
She puts her empty tray on top of Cordelia's.
Cut to the halls. Buffy and Willow come in through the doors.
Buffy: It's not that big a deal. It's just a bunch of people getting
together.
Willow: It's a very big deal!
Buffy: It's not!
Willow: It is. (spots Giles) Tell her!
Giles: I'm afraid it's very big.
Willow: (smiles at Buffy) Thank you! (turns back to Giles, confused)
Wait!
They follow Giles into the library. Cut into the library.
Willow: What are you talking about?
Giles: What are *you* talking about?
Buffy and Willow: Boys!
Giles: Yes, well, I'm talking about trouble. A violent and disturbing
prophecy is about to be fulfilled.
Buffy: The Order of Aurelius.
Giles: You were spot-on about the connection. (walks over to the table)
I've looked at the writings of Aurelius himself, and he, he prophesied
that the brethren of his order would come to the Master and bring him
the Anointed.
Willow: Who's that?
Giles: Well, I-I don't know exactly, a-a-a-a warrior, but, but it says
he will rise from the ashes of the Five on the evening of the thousandth
day after the Advent of Septus.
Buffy: Well, we'll be ready whenever it is.
Giles: Which is tonight.
Buffy: (takes in the information) Tonight, okay... (realizes the
conflict) Not okay! It can't be tonight!
Giles: My calculations are precise.
Buffy: Nuh! They're bad calculations! Bad!
Willow: Buffy has a really important date.
Buffy: Owen!
Giles: Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the
twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy
for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Giles: Buffy, this is no ordinary vampire. But we have to stop him
before he reaches the Master.
Buffy: But... Cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubescent fantasies!
Giles: Those will just have to be put on hold! The dark forces are
aligning against us, and we have a chance to beat them back. Tonight we
go into battle!
Cut to the graveyard. Giles and Buffy are sitting on a large gravestone.
Giles: (sniffs) Perhaps I miscalculated.
Buffy: I'm thinking yes. (sucks her drink dry)
Giles: Well, you know what they say. Ninety percent of the vampire
slaying game is, is waiting.
Buffy: You couldn't have told me that ninety percent ago?
Giles: Well, we, we've certainly waited here long enough. (gets up)
Buffy: Besides, there aren't any fresh graves. Who's gonna rise?
Giles: Apparently no one tonight.
Buffy: (jumps up) Then I can bail? I can go to the Bronze and find
Owen?
Giles: Oh, very well then. Follow your hormones if you want. (Buffy
hops down and starts to go) But I assume I don't have to warn you about
the hazards of becoming personally involved with someone who's unaware
of your unique condition.
Buffy: Yeah, yeah, I read the back of the box.
Giles: If your identity as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and
all those around you in grave danger.
Buffy: Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm a
Slayer. Ask me how!' (gets a look from Giles) Good night. (leaves)
Giles: 'Five shall die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise.'
I was sure it was tonight.
Cut to a bus. The passengers ride in silence.
Collin: (to Andrew) I went on an airplane.
Andrew: A pale horse emerged with death as its rider. You will be
judged. You will be judged.
Cut to the Bronze. Buffy goes in and looks around for Owen. "Rotten
Apple", by Three Day Wheely, is playing on the sound system.
Lyrics: ...is real / Then you wake up shouting some familiar name /
It's not the same
Buffy sees Owen dancing with Cordelia. She looks on, crushed by the
sight of them together.
Lyrics: You're just a girl / Just a girl who knows no shame / Whose
desperate pace has lost its taste / A never-ending darkness weighs / I
can't avoid, I can't complain / I know exactly who's to blame / The girl
who shares my...
Cut to the bus. Andrew has gotten up and stands in the aisle.
Andrew: That day's gonna bring fire. Fire comin' down! Judgment! (to
Collin and his mom) Don't think you're ready, ready to look upon him. If
there's sin in there, there's sin all around. It's a liquid. On that day
there won't be anybody tellin' us what to do or why we're doin' it. You
can't prepare. On that day...
Driver: (to Andrew) Hey, you gotta sit down. Okay?
Andrew: Are you willing to stand with the righteous?
One of the brethren steps in front of the bus. The driver hits the
brakes and slams into the vampire. The bus begins to swerve, runs
through a sign and hits a pole, which brings it to a stop.
Driver: (looks back at the passengers) Is everyone okay?
The passengers look at each other. They all seem shaken but okay. The
driver gets out to check the victim.
Driver: (to victim) Are you all right? (kneels down beside him) Can you
move?
The vampire grabs him by the throat and begins choking him. Another one
punches through a window, grabs Andrew by the throat, pulls him out and
bites him. The vampires all climb into the bus to get the other people.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
In the school halls at Buffy's locker. She slams it shut and leans on
it.
Xander: So you just went home?
Buffy: What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, 'Sorry I was late, I was
sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise
so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass?'
Xander: (weighs options with his hands) Or flat tire?
Buffy: (starts walking) I can't take this anymore. I feel like everyone
is staring at me, the big, hideous, dateless monster. (to a passing
student) What? Yeah, that's right, I have no life, c'mon, nothin' to see
here, pal, move it along!
Cut to a different part of the hall.
Xander: You're acting a little overly, aren't you? I mean, you could
have any guy in school.
Buffy: He's not any guy. He's more... Oweny.
Xander: Sure, he's got a certain Owenosity, but that's not hard to
find. (they reach his locker) I mean, a lotta guys read. (with a goofy
smile) I can read.
Buffy is leaning on the lockers looking down when she notices Owen come
up to her.
Owen: Hey, Buffy!
Buffy: Owen!
Xander: Oh, look, it's Owen. (gets a look from Buffy) Buffy and Owen.
And Xander. That'd be me.
Owen: W-where were you last night?
Buffy: Oh. Well, um, my watch broke and we don't have any clocks in our
house and so I didn't know what time it was or even what day it was...
Owen: I thought I was the only one that happened to. How 'bout we try
it again for tonight? I'll even lend you my watch.
He hands her his gold pocket watch and chain. Xander looks at the watch
in wide-eyed amazement. Buffy accepts it.
Buffy: Tonight? Y-you and me?
Xander looks at his Tweety wristwatch.
Owen: Well, we could invite the chess club, but they drink and they
start fights...
Buffy: Oh, no, it's just... Well, I... sort of heard that... you and
Cordelia were... somewhat... all over each other. A little...
Owen: I danced with her a couple of times. (with a look of distaste)
She's kinda grabby.
Buffy: Oh, well, let's see, if I rearrange that, and I push that to
n... Sure! Tonight'll work!
Owen: Great! I'll pick you up at seven?
Buffy: Um, seven!
Owen: That's when the little hand's (points on the pocket watch) there.
Buffy: Oh! Between the six and the eight.
Owen: Um, I'll see you then! (leaves)
Buffy: (watches him go) Tonight! Isn't that so?
Xander: What?
Buffy: (dreamily) Me and Owen! (walks off)
Xander: (feeling down) Yeah, so it is. (closes his locker) It sure is
so.
Cut to Giles' office. He has a headache from researching and is just
sitting down to have some tea. Buffy barges in.
Buffy: Hey, how's it going?
Giles: Uh, alright.
Buffy: That's great! I see we're still working on that Anointed One
problem, that'll probably take you a few days, right? I mean, that's one
obscure prophecy...
Giles: Well, yes, there are a few interpretations...
Buffy: So tonight's looking slow, right? Probably best to relax and
regroup, no big disasters coming, that is *so* good, I will see you
tomorrow then! Bye! (leaves quickly)
Giles: She is the strangest girl.
Cut to the Master's lair. The brethren give him their attention.
Master: You have done well. Everything is in place. When this night's
work is done, I will have a mighty ally. I'll be one step closer to
freeing myself from this... mystical prison. (feels his confines) I've
been trapped down here so long I've nearly forgotten what it's like on
the surface. Well, there'll be time enough to remember... when I rule
it! If she tries to stop you, kill her. Give your own lives, but do not
fail to bring the Anointed. I know you won't disappoint me. (quickly
grabs a fly from the air) Bug!
Cut to Buffy's room. She's wearing her bathrobe, and Willow is helping
her decide on an outfit.
Willow: Pick!
Buffy: (to Xander) Okay, (Willow holds up one minidress) do I wanna
appear shy, coy and naive or (Willow holds up the other) unrestrained,
insatiable and aggressive?
Xander: (watching from the bed) Uh, y'know, Owen is a little home spun,
he probably doesn't like that overly assertive look. (goes to her
closet) Oh, hey, here's something. A nice comfy overcoat and a ski cap!
(holds them up to her) The earflaps will bring out your eyes!
Buffy and Willow exchange a look.
Buffy: Maybe I should mix and match. (Willow nods) Okay, guy's opinion.
(grabs two lipsticks from her desk) Which one do you think Owen will
like better? (holds them up) The red or the peach?
Xander: Oh, you mean for kissing you and then telling all his friends
how easy you are so the whole school loses respect for you and then
talks behind your back? The red's fine.
Buffy: Thanks. I'll go with the peach. (puts on the lipstick)
Willow: (hands Buffy a third minidress) Here, put this on.
Buffy and Willow look at Xander.
Xander: You're not bothering me!
Willow sighs, turns him around and pushes him away.
Willow: (to Buffy) So, where's he taking you?
Buffy: Oh, I don't know. Where do you suppose young kids go on dates
these days? (unties her bathrobe)
Xander goes over to her drawer chest and tries to angle the mirror
inside a box so he can see.
Willow: Well, I read somewhere once that sometimes they go to movies.
Buffy: (finishes pulling on the minidress) Movies! Interesting!
Willow: And I saw on TV once, a bunch of people our age went to a
party.
Buffy: (pulls on a boot) Wow! I never knew being a teenager was so full
of possibilities! (pulls on the other boot)
Xander fumbles with the box. Buffy and Willow look over at him. The door
bell rings.
Buffy: (excited) That's Owen!
Cut to Buffy opening the door.
Buffy: That's Giles.
Giles: We need to talk.
Buffy: Buffy's not home. (tries to close the door)
Giles: (pushes the door open and comes in) My calculations may not have
been as far off as I thought. (holds up a newspaper)
Buffy: (reads) 'Five Die in Van Accident'?
Giles: Out of the ashes of five shall rise the one. That's the
prophecy. Five people have died!
Buffy: In a car crash.
Giles: I know it doesn't quite follow, but, but it's worth
investigating. Look! Among the dead was Andrew Borba, whom the police
sought for questioning in a double murder. Now, he may be the Anointed
One. The, the bodies have been taken to, to Sunnydale Funeral Home, w-we
can...
Buffy: (interrupts) Giles, why do you wanna hurt me?
Giles: I beg your pardon?
Owen: (shows up at the open door) Hey! (comes in) Uh, hi!
Giles: You have a date?
Buffy: Yes, but I will return those overdue books by tomorrow.
Giles: Wait, you're not getting off that easily.
Owen: Man, you really care about your work!
Willow: (thinking quickly) Uh, Owen?
Xander: Yeah, a couple of things about tonight.
Willow and Xander lead Owen into the living room.
Giles: Another date? Don't you ever do anything else?
Buffy: This is the first date! There's never been a date, okay? This is
my maiden voyage!
Cut to the next room.
Owen: What, she doesn't like to dance?
Xander: Well, it's a little too late to do anything about that. Uh, you
should probably know that Buffy doesn't like to be kissed. Actually she
doesn't like to be touched.
Willow: Xander...
Xander: As a matter of fact, don't even look at her.
Cut back to the foyer.
Buffy: We don't even know if this is anything.
Giles: No, we don't.
Buffy: And I haven't had a day off in a while.
Giles: True...
Buffy: And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer!
Giles: Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a Slayer... i-i-is
problematic at best.
Buffy: This is the 90's. The 1990's, in point of fact, and I can do
both. Clark Kent has a job. I just wanna go on a date.
Giles: Well, I, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead...
Buffy: (pleased) Thank you, thank you, thank you! And look, I won't go
far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Owen: (comes back) Is everything cool?
Buffy: All set.
Giles: Yes, and, uh, you'll face a pretty hefty fine in the morning.
Buffy: Well, bye. Don't wait up. (leaves quickly with Owen)
Willow: Is something going on?
Giles: Oh, uh, probably not, no. I, uh, I suppose I'll just, uh, go to
the funeral home in case, just see if anything comes up. (leaves)
Willow: (to Xander, concerned) This is bad.
Xander: I wish it was just bad.
Willow: We should... go along.
Xander: Yeah, you're right. I don't trust that Owen guy. It's the eyes.
Crazy!
Willow: Xander, we should go with Giles! He could get in trouble!
Xander: Oh, he's gone, uh, it's, he's gonna be alright. He's like super
librarian, y'know? Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is the
ultimate weapon.
Cut to the Bronze. Velvet Chain is playing tonight. They begin with
"Strong". Owen and Buffy are sitting at a table talking.
Lyrics: I'll be right along / 'Cause, baby, you're so strong
Owen: The thing about Emily Dickinson I love is, is she's just so
incredibly morbid. A lot of loss, a lot of death... It gets me. With a
lot about bees, for some reason.
Buffy: Did she have a tragic and romantic life? With a lotta bees?
Owen: Quiet. Kind of sequestered and uneventful. Which I can really
relate to. I... don't get out much.
Buffy: I don't get that.
Owen: It's my fault. I just find most girls pretty frivolous. I mean,
there's a lot more important things in life than dating, y'know? (Buffy
looks down at her beeper) Oh. Did I say something wrong?
Buffy: Uh, no! Come on.
She leads Owen to the dance floor.
Lyrics: Baby, baby, I know it's always been so / Physical love is, oh,
so meaningful for you
Buffy and Owen dance close.
Owen: It's weird.
Buffy: What is?
Owen: You! One minute you're right there. I've got you figured. The
next, it's like you're two people.
Buffy: Really? Which one do you like better?
Owen: I'll let you know.
Lyrics: So strong / Baby, I'm yours / You know / Because you're so / So
strong
Cut to Cordelia entering the Bronze with some of her friends. She sees
Buffy with Owen.
Cordelia: Aren't there laws against this sort of thing? (walks over to
Buffy and Owen) Owen! Look at you, here all alone...
Lyrics: You're so, so strong
Owen: Cordelia, I'm here with Buffy.
Cordelia: Oh! Okay. Do you wanna dance?
Owen: No, I'm still here with Buffy.
Cordelia: You are so good to help the needy.
Buffy: Cordelia, Owen and I would like to be alone right now, and for
that to happen, you would have to go somewhere that's away.
Cordelia: (gives Buffy a look) (to Owen) Well, when you're ready for
the big leagues, let me know. (leaves)
Lyrics: You would suffer, suffer for me
Cut to the Sunnydale Funeral Home. Giles drives up in his ancient car.
It's quiet. He gets out, slings his bag over his shoulder and starts
around his car to the building. The night is creepy, and he has a look
around. He continues toward the building, but stops short when he senses
something. He looks around again to his right. Nothing. As he turn back
he sees one of the brethren in front of him. He starts to back away, but
another one is behind him.
Giles: Damn!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
In front of the Sunnydale Funeral Home. Giles is caught between two of
the brethren of the Order of Aurelius. He pulls a cross from his bag and
holds it up to them. They cower away in pain. Giles makes a dash for the
building. Cut inside. Giles looks around and puts his cross back into
his bag. He runs to the flower room door and finds it locked. The
brethren come into the building after him.
Cut to the Bronze. Velvet Chain is playing their next song, "Treason".
Lyrics: I have a window in my mind / I can turn to look right through
you
Owen: Are you, uh, having fun?
Buffy: Yeah. I almost feel like a girl.
Lyrics: Won't cost you anything but time / To see me feel like you do
They smile at each other and continue to dance.
Cut to the funeral home. Giles finds the door to the morgue unlocked and
rushes in. He slams the door behind him and looks around. He grabs a
filing cabinet, tilts it and drags it over to block the door. It works,
the brethren can't readily open it. Giles looks around for a way out.
The windows are barred. He sees Willow and Xander through the bars.
Giles: (startled) AH!
Willow: (Willow and Xander raise the window sash) Giles, it's us!
Giles: What are you doing here?
Xander: We saw two guys going in after you. Are they...
Giles: (looks at the door) They are! (looks back) Uh, listen, you
should get to safety.
Willow: Can you get out this window?
Giles: (tests the bars) I'm afraid not.
Xander: Look, I hate to state the obvious, but this looks like a job
for Buffy?
Giles: Uh, she has her, her... beeping thing! (looks around) Um, no
phone, of course.
Xander: Look, we'll get her, just, uh, hang in there. (Willow and
Xander leave)
Giles: (worried) Do hurry.
Cut to the Bronze. Owen and Buffy are standing by the stairs.
Owen: Do you want something to eat?
Buffy: Sure. Just make it something fattening.
Cordelia: (looking on from the shadows by a door) What a disgusting
display. Is that really appropriate behavior in a public forum? I mean,
I've never seen a girl throw herself at a guy like that. Uhhh!
The door opens and Angel comes in.
Cordelia: Ooo! Hello, salty goodness! (to her friend) Pick up the
phone, call 911. That boy is gonna need some serious oxygen after I'm
through with him.
She starts to follow Angel, but stops when she sees him go over to
Buffy.
Angel: Buffy.
Buffy: Angel.
Cordelia: (to herself) Why is this happening to me?
Angel: (to Buffy) I was hoping I'd find you here.
Buffy: You were?
Angel: Some serious stuff happening tonight. You need to be out there.
Buffy: No, not you, too. (tries to leave)
Angel: (stops her) What do you know?
Buffy: Prophecy, Anointed One, yada, yada, yada...
Angel: So you know. Fine. I just thought I'd warn you.
Buffy: Warn me? You see that guy over there at the bar? (walks around
him and faces Owen) He came here to be with me.
Angel: You're here on a date?
Buffy: (turns to Angel) Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone?
Owen: (returns) Here you go.
Buffy: Oh. (looks between Angel and Owen) Um, Owen, this is Angel.
Angel, this is Owen. (puts her arm around him) Who is my date.
Angel: Hey.
Owen: Hey! So. Where do you know Buffy from?
Angel: Work.
Owen: (to Buffy) You work?
Willow and Xander come running up to them, out of breath.
Willow: Buffy!
Owen: Look at this! You show up everywhere. Interesting.
Xander: (points at Owen) You don't know the half of it. (points at
Angel) What's he doing here?
Angel: I guess it's the same thing you're doin' here.
Buffy: Uh, excuse me, what are *any* of you doing here?
Xander: Look, we gotta get to, uh... (Willow kicks him) Uhhhh. We
thought it'd be fun if, uh, we made this a double date!
Willow and Xander put their arms around each other.
Buffy: I didn't know you guys were seeing each other.
Willow: Oh, yeah, well, we knew it would happen eventually, so we
figured, hey! Why fight it?
Owen: And you guys are thinking double?
Xander: 'Cause of... (laughs nervously) ...the fun!
Owen: (to Angel) And you're here because of work?
Xander: Hey, maybe we should all go somewhere together.
Buffy: Gee, that's so nice of you to ask, but Owen and I were, well,
sort of... Owen and I.
Xander: You know what'd be cool? The Sunnydale Funeral Home!
Willow: (emphasizing) I've always wanted to go there!
Buffy: The funeral home?
Owen: Actually, that sounds kinda cool! Do you think we could all sneak
in?
Xander: We saw some guys in there before. They seemed to be (pointedly
to Buffy) having fun!
Buffy: (to herself) Bite me!
She looks up at Angel. He gives her an 'I told you so' look.
Buffy: (exhales) (to Owen) Um, Owen, I gotta go.
Owen: I thought we were going to the funeral home.
Buffy: No, you can't. I'll tell you what. I'll be back in a little
while.
Owen: Buffy... (leads her away) What's the deal? Do you wanna bail on
me?
Buffy: No! No... no... uh... You remember when you said I was like two
different people? Well, one of them has to go. But the other one is
having a really, really good time, and will come back. I promise.
Owen just nods his head and watches her go. She comes back and lays a
kiss on him. Then she really leaves with Willow and Xander close behind.
Owen: (to Angel) She's the strangest girl!
Cut to the funeral home. Everything seems quiet. Buffy, Willow and
Xander come in through the front door.
Buffy: Which way?
Willow: The room's around back.
They go off to their left. Around a corner they hit a dead end.
Buffy: Damn it!
Owen: (appears behind them) This is so cool!
Buffy: Uh, Owen! You can't be here!
Owen: Oh, and I suppose you guys are allowed? What are we doin' here?
Are we gonna see a dead body?
Buffy: Possibly several. (to Xander and Willow) Guys, watch him. (runs
back the way they came)
Owen: Is she mad?
Willow: Oh, she just wants to make sure there're no guards so we don't
get in trouble.
Owen: Good thinking.
Xander: (to Willow) Good thinking.
They start after Buffy. Cut to Buffy quietly walking down the hall,
looking and listening. She finds the morgue door open and goes in. The
place is a shambles.
Buffy: Giles?
His bag is on the autopsy gurney. The window bars are torn open. She
finds his cross. Suddenly one of the doors to a body storage drawer
opens in front of her, and the drawer rolls out. Buffy jumps back,
startled.
Buffy: Giles!
Giles: It *is* you. Oh, good.
Buffy: What happened?
Giles: Uh, two more of the brethren came in here. They came after me.
But I was more than a match for them.
Buffy: Meaning...?
Giles: I hid. Uh, this, uh, chap was good enough to bunk with me till
they went away. (he jumps down off of the cadaver)
Buffy: Well, w-were they here after you, or w-was it that prophecy
thing?
Giles: Ah, well, that's what we have to find out. I don't know what
these brethren mean to do exactly. Find the Anointed, or, or, or, or
give him something perhaps, uh, it's all, all very vague. And the
Anointed may be long gone!
Buffy: But he may not be.
Giles: We must find out.
Buffy: Okay, I just need to get Owen and the others out of harm's way
first.
Giles: Owen? You brought a date?
Buffy: (exhales) I didn't bring him, he came.
Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social
life, I didn't mean at the same time.
Buffy: I know. I'll get rid of him. (starts to leave)
Giles: Y-you can't make him go out there alone, we don't know where the
brethren are. I-I'll just...
Buffy: No! No, Giles, he sees you, he's gonna have more questions than
he already does right now. I'll take care of it.
She runs out into the hall and looks around for the others. They come
around a corner and see her.
Willow: Is everything okay?
Buffy: It is.
Xander: And we'll be leaving?
Owen: We're not done lookin' around yet!
Buffy: No, he's right. So let's find a nice, safe, fun room to look
around in.
She takes Owen's hand and leads the group down the hall. They reach the
office door.
Owen: We tried the office here, but it's locked.
Buffy: (breaks the lock) No it's not! (goes in)
Owen: Well, I don't think we'll find much in here.
Buffy: (looks around) That's the plan.
Owen: Okay. (confused) What?
Buffy: (finished looking) I have to go now. (laughs nervously) Um, to
the bathroom, I have to go to the bathroom. If you hear anything, like a
security guard or something, just be really quiet. (to Willow and
Xander) And barricade the door.
She goes out into the hall again and looks around on her way back to the
morgue. Xander closes the office door.
Cut to the morgue. Buffy and Giles start looking through the body
drawers hoping to find the Anointed One.
Buffy: (opens one) Ewww, parts!
Giles: Keep looking, he must be here somewhere.
Cut to the office. Willow and Xander start to pile furniture in front of
the office door.
Owen: What are you guys doing?
Willow: Uh, just in case!
Owen sees a curtain and draws it open. Behind the window he sees a body
covered with a sheet.
Owen: Oh, my!
Willow and Xander turn around to look.
Cut to the morgue. Buffy and Giles are still looking. There's only one
storage cell left. Giles opens it quickly and Buffy pulls out the
drawer. It's empty.
Buffy: Nothing.
Giles: The Anointed must be gone.
Buffy: I guess. I mean, this is where they keep all the dead bodies,
right?
Giles: Mm-hmm.
Cut to the office. Owen is looking at the body with fascination. Willow
and Xander look worried.
Owen: I read a lot about death, but... but I've... never really seen a
dead body before.
The body's hand moves.
Owen: Do they... usually move?
The hand moves again. Willow and Xander approach to have a closer look.
The hand reaches up and pulls the sheet off. Andrew sits up and faces
them. He is a vampire now. He stands up, looks down at himself and
flexes his hands. He looks back up at them.
Andrew: I have been judged!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~
The mortuary office.
Owen: What's goin' on?
They back away from the window slowly. Andrew approaches the window and
smashes it with his forehead. Cut to the morgue. Buffy and Giles hear
the window being smashed.
Buffy: Oh, no!
She starts running to the office. Cut to the office.
Andrew: (laughs) He is risen in me! He fills my head with song!
Owen, Willow and Xander frantically begin moving the furniture away from
the door. Andrew steps through the opening.
Andrew: Pork and beans. Pork and beans!
Xander: (to Willow) Gimme that!
Andrew: I can smell you.
They get the furniture moved. Willow opens the door and they run out.
Andrew follows at a quick pace.
Andrew: You're the chaff, unblessed. I'll suck the blood from your
hearts, he says I may!
Cut to the hall. Buffy meets them running down the hall.
Xander: He's in there!
Buffy: Uh, go! Get out!
Xander: She'll be okay. C'mon!
They continue running. Buffy tries to find Andrew. She can hear him
singing as he comes down the hall toward her.
Andrew: Shall we gather at the river? / The beautiful, the beautiful
river?
She decides to try to head him off another way. Xander, Willow and Owen
find the exit, but are blocked by the brethren. Willow screams. Xander
pulls her around and behind himself. Instead of attacking, the brethren
close the gates. The hall is empty, but they can hear Andrew singing.
Willow: I think he's coming this way!
They run and find themselves at the same dead end as when they first got
there.
Owen: Oh, God, this is too much!
Cut to the morgue. Giles is still there. Buffy rushes in.
Buffy: What've you got?
Giles: What?
Buffy: What'd you bring? Do you have a stake?
Giles: Oh, uh... (hands her a stake.)
Buffy: Thank you! (starts back out the door)
Giles: W-what should I do?
Buffy: (faces Giles) Um, go outside and make sure the others are okay.
Andrew comes up behind Buffy, grabs her and throws her into a cabinet.
She hits the floor unconscious. Giles rushes to her aid.
Giles: Buffy!
Cut to the hall.
Owen: Somebody's gotta help Buffy!
Willow: Owen!
Owen starts to run to the morgue. Willow and Xander follow. Cut to the
morgue. Buffy is awake again, but still on the floor. Andrew approaches
Giles.
Andrew: They told me about you while I was sleeping.
Giles holds up his cross. It is painful to Andrew.
Andrew: Uh! Why does he hurt me?
He slaps Giles' hand away, and the cross goes flying. He grabs Giles and
throws him into the crematory controls. The fires in the chamber light.
Giles falls unconscious. Andrew bends down to pick Buffy up. Owen comes
running in.
Owen: Buffy!
Andrew raises her above his head.
Owen: No!
He grabs a tray and swings it into Andrew's back, stunning him. His
knees buckle and he lets go of Buffy. She staggers into an open body
drawer door and falls down unconscious. Andrew turns, grabs Owen by the
neck and growls as he moves in to bite. Owen grabs an urn from a rack
and smashes it over Andrew's head. He falls. Owen goes over to help
Buffy. She wakes up again and tries to get up.
Owen: Did you see that? He tried to bite me! (helps Buffy up) What a
sissy!
Andrew gets back up, grabs Owen and smashes a body drawer door into the
back of his head, knocking him out.
Buffy: No!
Andrew: Dead! (lets Owen fall) He was found wanting!
Buffy gets him solidly in the gut with a front snap kick. He rolls over
the autopsy gurney and onto the floor. She runs around to the far end of
the gurney. Andrew quickly gets up. She pushes the gurney into his gut,
and then pushes down on her end so it pivots up to hit him in the chin.
He staggers back and falls. She jumps up onto the gurney and does a
roundoff onto the floor as he gets up. He swings widely at Buffy's face,
but she blocks it. He tries again with his other arm, hitting Buffy
solidly in the face and knocking her to the ground. He taunts her as she
quickly gets up.
Buffy: You killed my date!
Willow and Xander appear at the door. Willow sees Owen wake up as Buffy
and Andrew fight.
Willow: Buffy! Owen's...
Xander: (pulls Willow back) J-just give her a sec!
Buffy blocks another punch, and then hits Andrew in the face with an
open-hand punch. Blocking a second punch from him, she hits him in the
gut with another open-hand punch. As he leans forward from the pain,
she knees him in the gut, and then shoves him backward into a counter.
Buffy: You killed my date!
Giles regains consciousness. Andrew turns back to Buffy.
Andrew: Your turn!
He lunges at Buffy, but she sidesteps him and uses his forward momentum
to launch him into the air. He lands on the gurney, and it rolls over to
the crematory. The gurney stops when it hits, but Andrew continues to
slide through the open door. Giles kicks the gurney away and slams the
crematory door shut. Andrew screams. Buffy watches him burn through the
small window. Then she notices Owen trying to sit up.
Owen: Does anyone have an aspirin? Or sixty?
Buffy: (goes to Owen) Owen! (crouches beside him)
Owen: What happened to that guy?
Buffy: Oh... We scared him away.
Owen: Oh, good. 'Cause, y'know, I would've...
Buffy: I know. Here... (helps him up) I'm sure this isn't exactly what
you had in mind for our first date.
Owen: (rubs his head) Yeah! I was hoping maybe we'd finish at Ben &
Jerry's.
Buffy: We still could...
Owen: No, I, I, I think I'll just walk home. (starts to go, but stops)
Uh, which way's home?
Buffy: I'll get you there.
Owen: No, I'll, I'll go it alone.
Willow and Xander come over.
Xander: We'll make sure he gets home safely.
They lead Owen away. Buffy watches them go. Giles comes over behind her.
Giles: Buffy, if I might, uh...
Buffy: (cuts him off) Don't! (slowly walks out)
Cut to the school. Buffy, Xander and Willow are walking along the
balcony.
Buffy: Well, did Owen say anything about me on the way home?
Willow: Oh, you mean specifically about you?
Buffy: Or generally... i-in the area, in the ballpark, any sort of
indication?
They round the corner and start down the stairs.
Xander: Well, in that case, no.
Willow: But he was pretty incoherent, so we might've missed it.
Buffy: You think?
Xander: No.
Buffy: I knew it. I totally blew it last night!
Xander: No, see, what you need is a guy who already knows your deepest,
darkest secrets and still says, 'Hey! I like that girl!' Someone like...
Buffy: (sees Owen) Owen!
Willow: Well, heh... This is our stop.
She walks around Buffy and drags Xander away with her.
Owen: Hi.
Buffy: Hi. (long awkward pause) This is going well.
Owen: I don't really know how to say this, but... about last night...
Buffy: You don't even have to. I'm sure you were pretty freaked out.
Owen: Totally. (Buffy looks down) And... I was wondering when I could
see you again.
Buffy: (looks back up) Um, that was my hopeful ear. Could you repeat
that?
Owen: I think you're the coolest!
Buffy: (smiles) Really?
Owen: I mean, last night was incredible! I never thought nearly getting
killed would make me feel so... alive!
Buffy: (looks down and starts to walk) So that's why you wanna be with
me.
Owen: (follows her) Oh, absolutely! When can we do something like that
again?
Buffy: Something like...
Owen: Like, walk downtown at three in the morning, a-and pick a fight
in a bar. How about tonight?
Buffy: Tonight would... (they stop walking) be... not a workable thing.
Did I just say that?
Owen: Tomorrow, then. I-I'm free any night this week.
Buffy: I'm not. Please don't take this personally. It's not you, it's
me.
Owen: (begins to get it) Right. It's you.
Buffy: And I was kinda hoping that... maybe you and I could still be...
Owen: (very disappointed) I, I get it. You just wanna be friends.
Buffy: That'd be nice.
Owen: Friends. Yeah. Great. (leaves)
Lyrics: The world will keep on turning / It'll all be there come
morning / So tonight...
Buffy: Yeah. Great.
Lyrics: Let the sun fall down all around you (song by Kim Richey)
Giles comes up behind her. They watch Owen leave. Buffy notices Giles
and looks at him. He's at a loss. She goes over to sit on a bench. Giles
follows her.
Giles: I was ten years old when my father told me I was destined to be
a Watcher. (sits next to her) He was one, and his, uh, mother before
him, and I was to be next.
Buffy: Were you thrilled beyond all measure?
Giles: No, I had very definite plans about my future. I was going to be
a fighter pilot. Or possibly a grocer. Well, uh... My father gave me a
very tiresome speech about, uh, responsibility and sacrifice.
Buffy: Sacrifice, huh?
Giles: (looks toward Owen) Seems like a nice lad.
Buffy: Yeah. But he wants to be danger man. You, Xander, Willow, you
guys... you guys know the score, you're careful. Two days in my world
and Owen really *would* get himself killed. Or I'd get him killed.
(faces Giles) Or someone else.
Giles: I, I went to the funeral home of my own free will.
Buffy: And I should've been there.
Giles: Buffy...
Buffy: I blew it!
Giles: I have volumes of lore, of prophecies, of predictions. But I
don't have an instruction manual. We feel our way as we go along. And, I
must say, as a Slayer, you're, you're doing... pretty well.
Buffy: (smiles) Well. At least I did stop that prophecy thing from
coming true.
Giles: You did! Handily. No more Anointed One. And I would imagine the
Master, wherever he is, is having a fairly bad day himself.
He smiles. Buffy laughs back.
Cut to the Master in his Lair.
Master: (quotes scripture) 'And in this time will come the Anointed.
And the Slayer will not know him. She will not stop him, and he will
lead her into hell.' (kneels down next to Collin) Welcome, my friend.
The Pack
Written by: Matt Kiene & Joe Reinkmeyer
Directed by: Bruce Seth Green
Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson
Copyright © 1997 Alexander Thompson
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
The Sunnydale Zoo. A sign points to the reptiles, elephants and the
Hyena House. The camera pans down from the sign to Buffy walking along
the path by herself. Kyle and his gang, Rhonda, Tor and Heidi, see her
coming.
Kyle: Oh, look. It's Buffy and all her friends.
Buffy: That's a witty.
Tor: Do you ever wonder why nobody cool wants to hang out with you?
Buffy: Just thankful.
Rhonda: Were you this popular at your old school? Before you got kicked
out?
The group laughs, and they continue on their way, leaving Buffy standing
there alone.
Tor: (at Buffy as they leave) Careful! She might beat you up!
Cut to the elephants. Buffy is reading the plaque when Xander and Willow
come running up.
Xander: Hey! Buffy!
Willow: You missed it!
Buffy: Missed what?
Xander: We just saw the zebras mating! (nods to Willow) Thank you, very
exciting...
Willow: It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!
Buffy: (with mock disappointment) And I missed it. Yet somehow I'll
find the courage to live on. (begins walking)
Willow: (follows) Where were you?
Buffy: Uh, I was looking at the fishes.
Willow: Was it cool?
Buffy: It was fishes.
Xander: I'm feelin' that you're not in the field trip spirit here.
Buffy: Well, it would... It's nothing, I... We do the same zoo trip at
my old school every year. Same old, same old.
Xander: Buffy, this isn't just about looking at a bunch of animals.
This is about not being in class!
Buffy: (brightens) You know, you're right! Suddenly the animals look
shiny and new.
Xander: Gotta have perspective.
Cut to the monkeys. Lance is sketching them into his notebook. Kyle and
his cronies approach him.
Kyle: Lance! How's it goin'?
Lance: Hey, Kyle.
Kyle: So, is this like a, uh, family reunion?
Lance: No.
Kyle: I think it's a family reunion. It's so... touching. Doesn't
anybody have a camera? (makes a sudden photo-taking gesture) Whapish!
Rhonda: (behind Lance) Hey, does your mom still pick out your lice, or
are you old enough to do that yourself now?
Lance: Quit it, huh? (Tor takes his notebook) Hey! Guys, c'mon! It's
got my notes in there!
Mr. Flutie: (sees the commotion) What's going on here? I've had it up
to here with you four! What're you doing?
Kyle: Nothing.
Mr. Flutie: Did I ask you to speak? Okay, I guess I did, but I want the
truth. Lance?
Lance: They weren't doing anything. Really! (lets out a nervous laugh)
We were just playin' around.
Mr. Flutie: Alright. (starts away, but turns back) I'll be watching
you. (leaves)
Kyle: (points at Lance) You! Came through big time.
Rhonda: Way to go, Lance! (pats his shoulder)
Tor: Flutie's been looking for a reason to come down on us.
Lance: It's okay.
Kyle: Come on, we're gonna check out the Hyena House.
Lance: But I think it's off-limits.
Kyle: And therein, my friend, lies the fun.
Lance laughs, and they all go off toward the Hyena House.
Cut to the Hyena House. It's closed, but they duck underneath the yellow
barricade tape. Buffy, Willow and Xander see them go in.
Willow: What are Kyle and his buds doing with Lance?
Xander: Oh, playing with him as a cat plays with a mouse.
Buffy: What is it with those guys?
Willow: They're obnoxious. Professionally.
Xander: Well, every school has 'em. So, you start a new school, you get
your desks, some blackboards and some mean kids.
Buffy: Yeah, well, I'd better extract Lance before...
Xander: (interrupts) I'll handle it. This job doesn't require actual
slaying. (goes in)
Buffy: You don't think we should follow?
Willow: Kyle and those guys are jerks, but they're all talk. Mostly.
Buffy: (reconsiders) Why don't we...
Willow: Yeah, why don't we?
They duck under the tape and start in, but are caught in the act by a
zookeeper.
Zookeeper: Oh, hold it, hold it, are you blind, or are you just
illiterate? Because hyenas are very quick to prey on the weak.
Buffy: Oh, w-we were just gonna take...
Zookeeper: You're not going in there. Anyone that does is in a world of
trouble.
Willow: No, no one's going in there. (she and Buffy come back out)
Buffy: Why is it off-limits?
Zookeeper: It's a quarantine. These hyenas just came in from Africa, so
keep out. (cocks his eyebrow) Even if they call your name.
Buffy: What are you talking about?
Zookeeper: The Masai tribesmen told me that hyenas are capable of
understanding human speech. They follow humans around by day, learning
their names. At night, when the campfire dies, they call out to a
person. Once they separate him, the pack (snaps his fingers) devours
them.
Cut inside the Hyena House. Kyle and the others tear through more tape
blocking the way in and look around.
Kyle: Cool!
He and the girls walk up to the enclosure and look in. Lance stays back
with Tor behind him.
Lance: I don't see any hyenas.
One of the hyenas growls and shows itself between some rocks.
Lance: Okay! Now we've seen it.
He tries to leave, but Tor stops him.
Rhonda: Looks cute.
Kyle: I think it looks hungry. (moves toward Lance)
He and Tor grab Lance.
Lance: No!
Tor: C'mon, Spot!
Lance: C'mon, stop it!
Tor: Supper time!
They drag him up the steps and lift him up to the bars.
Lance: Guys! Stop! It's not funny!
They press him into the bars and down on his neck.
Lance: Ow! Stop it! It's not funny!
Xander comes in, pulls their arms off of him and helps him away.
Xander: (to Kyle) Why don't you pick on somebody your own species?
Kyle: What, are *you* gonna get in my face?
The hyenas growl. Xander, Kyle and the others look at them. The hyena's
eyes flash green, and then two of the kid's eyes do. The hyena's eyes
flash green again, and two more kid's eyes do. Cut to a shot from above
of the sacred circle painted on the floor. Cut to Lance. He makes an
anxious move to get away, but trips on a chair and falls. His notebook
skids across the floor to the far wall. Kyle and the others turn and
laugh when they see him. Lance gets up, retrieves his notebook and
rushes out. Xander turns around now, too, and his eyes flash green.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
The Bronze. Cut inside. Willow and Buffy are coming from the bar. Buffy
has a Coke and a croissant. They make their way over to an empty table.
Willow: I thought Xander would be here by now.
Buffy: Hmm, that'd make him on time. We couldn't have that!
Willow: Did he seem upset at all on the bus back from the zoo?
Buffy: About what?
Willow: I dunno. He was quiet.
Buffy: I didn't notice anything. (they sit) But then again I'm not as
hyperaware of him as, oh, say, for example, you.
Willow: Hyperaware?
Buffy: Well, I'm not constantly monitoring his health, his moods, his
blood pressure...
Willow: (grins) 130 over 80!
Buffy: (amused) You got it bad, girl!
Willow: He makes my head go tingly. You know what I mean?
Buffy: I dimly recall.
Willow: But it hasn't happened to you lately?
Buffy: Not of late.
Willow: Not even for a dangerous and mysterious older man whose leather
jacket you're wearing right now?
Buffy: (in mock annoyance) Goes with the shoes!
Willow: Come on, Angel pushes your buttons. You know he does.
Buffy: I suppose some girls might find him good looking... (gets a look
from Willow) ...if they have eyes, alright, he's a honey, but... it's
just he's never around, and when he is, all he wants to do is talk about
vampires, and... I, I just can't have a relationship...
Willow: (sees Xander) There he is!
Buffy: Angel?
Willow: Xander!
He walks into the club and checks out a girl on the way. She stares
after him. He comes up to their table.
Xander: Girls!
Buffy: Boy!
Xander: Sorry I'm late, I... just forgot that we were gonna be here.
(sees Buffy's croissant) Hungry! (tears a piece off and eats it)
Willow: Xander, you still want me to help you with geometry tomorrow?
(Xander takes a swig of Buffy's cola) We can work after class...
Xander: (gives Willow a thumbs-up) Yeah. (to Buffy) What is this crap?
Buffy: Well, it *was* my buttery croissant.
Xander: Man, I need some food! Birds live on this!
Buffy and Willow look at each other and then at Xander. He looks back
and forth at them.
Xander: What?
Buffy: What's up with you?
Willow: Is something wrong? Did I do something?
Xander: (to Willow) What could you possibly do? That's crazy talk. I'm
just... restless.
Willow: Well, we could go to the ice cream place...
Xander: (points to the table) I like it here.
He looks up and scans the area a bit, and then leans toward Buffy and
sniffs her hair.
Buffy: Okay, now what?
Xander: You took a bath.
Buffy: Yeah, I-I often do, I'm actually known for it.
Xander: That's okay.
Willow and Buffy exchange another look.
Buffy: And the weird behavior award goes to...
Xander sees Kyle and the others come in. Buffy sees them, too.
"Reluctant Man", by Sprung Monkey, starts to play.
Lyrics: Oh, Reluctant Man
Buffy: Oh, great. It's the winged monkeys.
Kyle and company come over to them.
Lyrics: Who's afraid to touch the world / Why are you hiding? / What is
the base of all your fears?
Xander stares back at them.
Lyrics: Do you find yourself in a cold cruel world
Kyle stops at their table, and he and Xander stare each other down.
Lyrics: Dark and desperate, scared and lonely?
They go around to another table that's occupied.
Lyrics: Selfish Man / Who never gave to no one else / What are you
holding? / Is it worth the price you pay?
Kyle: (to the boy at the table) Y'know, I don't understand why you're
sitting at our table.
Lyrics: 'Cause your eyes they see just what you want to see
Rhonda: Yeah, shouldn't you be hovering over the football stadium with
'Goodyear' written on you?
Lyrics: And I hope they're not staring blindly at me
They all laugh. Xander was watching and laughs also as he turns back to
Buffy. He stops laughing when he sees she doesn't think it's funny.
Xander: Kid's fat.
Cut to the school. Cut to the library. Giles is wearing protective gear
while Buffy trains on him. She does a roundhouse kick followed by a high
punch and a swinging middle punch to Giles' gloved hands. She continues,
doing a full spin and finishing with a backhand punch. She does a full
spinning jumping high wheel kick followed by a right middle punch, a
high roundhouse kick and a front snap kick. Then she jumps high and does
a twin straddle kick. She lands back on her feet and moves in to attack
again, when Giles suddenly jumps back.
Giles: Right! (Buffy stops short) That's enough training for one day.
Buffy: Well, that last roundhouse was kinda sloppy. Are you sure you
don't wanna do it again?
Giles: (out of breath) No! No, no, that's fine. You just... run along
to class. (Buffy goes) (to himself) While I wait for the feeling to
return to my arms.
Cut to the halls. Herbert the mascot has gotten loose. The students in
the hall are startled and try to get away. Mr. Flutie chases the pig.
Mr. Flutie: Look out! It's gotten loose!
The camera dodges the students' legs from Herbert's point of view. Buffy
comes around the corner, reacts quickly to catch him and picks him up.
Mr. Flutie: Lordy, Herbert! Gave Mr. Flutie quite a scare, didn't he?
Students, I'd like you all to met Herbert, our new mascot for the
Sunnydale High Razorbacks!
The students all clap.
Buffy: He's so cute!
Mr. Flutie: He's not cute. No! He's a fierce Razorback! (more clapping)
Buffy: He doesn't look mean, Mr. Flutie.
Mr. Flutie: He's mean, he's ready for action! See? (indicates Herbert's
helmet with foam tusks) Here are the tusks... (gestures at a piece of
serrated green foam tied to Herbert's back) the scary Razorback!
Buffy: You're right. He's a fine mascot and will engender school
spirit.
Mr. Flutie: Uh, he better. Costs a fortune to feed him. (to Herbert)
Alright, let's get you back into your cage.
Herbert squeals when Buffy wants to hand him to Mr. Flutie.
Mr. Flutie: (points behind himself) This way.
Cut outside to Willow helping Xander with his geometry.
Xander: I'm not getting this.
Willow: It's simple, really. See, 'The bisector of a vertex is the line
that divides the angle at that vertex into two equal parts.'
Xander: It's like a big blur, all these numbers and angles.
Willow: It's the same stuff from last week. You had it down then.
Xander: Why do I need to learn this?
Willow: 'Cause otherwise you'll flunk math?
Xander: Explain the part where that's bad. (rubs the bridge of his
nose)
Willow: You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end
up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says,
'Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?' We've been through
this. (Xander rubs his right temple) Do you have a headache? (reaches up
to him)
Xander: (shakes her off) Yeah, and I think I know what's causing it.
(throws his geometry book into the trash) Ah! That's better, it goes
right to the source of the pain.
Willow: Xander...
Xander: (frustrated) Look, forget it, okay? I don't get it. I won't
ever. (gets up) I don't care.
He throws his math notebook into Willow's lap and leaves in a huff.
Willow: (watches Xander go) We can finish this another time.
Cut to the halls. Buffy follows Mr. Flutie to the faculty room with
Herbert in her arms. They stop outside.
Mr. Flutie: See, the problem is you kids today have no school spirit.
Hold on, let me get his outfit off. (removes it) Today it's all gangs
and drugs and those movies on Showtime with the nudity. (Buffy gives him
a look) I don't have cable, I only heard. When I was your age we cared
about the school's reputation and the football team's record, all that
stuff! Of course, when I was your age I was surrounded by old guys
telling me how much better things were when they were *my* age. (goes
into the faculty room)
Buffy: (to Herbert) Yeah!
Xander comes into the hall from outside. Herbert squeals and reacts to
his presence as he walks by. Buffy looks confused as she watches Xander
pass, and tries to keep Herbert from jumping out of her arms.
Cut outside. Lightning strikes. Cut to the gym.
Coach Harrold: Alright, it's raining, all regular gym classes have been
postponed, so you know what that means: (holds up a large rubber ball)
dodgeball! Now, for those of you that may have forgotten, the rules are
as follows: you dodge.
He tosses the ball to Buffy. He blows his whistle, and the two groups
move back from center court. He whistles again and the ball throwing
commences. Xander nails his first victim. Buffy and the pack members
easily dodge the balls. The coach enjoys the game from the sidelines.
Xander nails another victim. The coach continues to watch. Buffy throws
a ball and hits her mark. Xander throws again and nails Willow hard on
the back. She gives him a hurt and confused look as she walks off of the
court. Xander catches a ball as he watches Willow go, but soon continues
the game. Willow sits down, crosses her arms and keeps looking at him. A
few seconds later just the pack and Lance are left on one side, Buffy on
the other. The pack looks at her briefly, then focuses on Lance. He
falls to the floor and cowers as they each throw their ball at him hard.
Buffy runs over and helps Lance up. She stares at Xander. He stares
back. She watches as he and the others leave.
Coach Harrold: God, this game is brutal. I love it!
Cut to the halls. Willow is waiting for Xander, and goes up to him when
he comes from the other hall with the pack.
Willow: Xander... What's wrong with you?
He looks at the others briefly and pulls Willow aside.
Xander: I guess you've noticed that I've been different around you
lately.
Willow: Yes.
Xander: I think, um... I think it's because my feelings for you have
been changing.
Buffy comes around the corner to her locker and sees them. She works the
combination.
Xander: And, well, we've been friends for such a long time that I feel
like I need to tell you something.
Willow looks at him expectantly.
Xander: I've, um... I've decided to drop geometry. So I won't be
needing your math help anymore. Which means I won't have to look at your
pasty face again.
He and the others laugh. Willow is crushed. She turns and leaves. Buffy
watches her quickly walk by. She slams her locker and approaches Xander
with her arms crossed. He stops laughing.
Buffy: You gonna say something to me?
Xander just looks at her and starts laughing again more loudly. He goes
back to the pack, and they leave. Buffy goes after Willow.
Cut outside. The pack walks along. Xander stops and sniffs the air.
Xander: Dogs!
Kyle: Where?
Xander leads them to a group of three boys sitting at a table.
Boy#1: You're out of your mind, that's no way to play guitar.
Boy#2: What are you talking about?
Boy#1: I mean, that's just hunt and peck!
Boy#2: It's not!
Boy#1: (the pack arrives) Hey, Xander, you've heard Wretched Refuse
play, what do you think of the guy who plays lead?
Tor reaches for Boy#1's hotdog. Heidi takes Boy#2's hotdog.
Boy#1: Hey. Hey, what are you guys...
Rhonda: Shut up.
Kyle: You're sharing.
Xander: Friends like to share. (to Tor and Heidi) Good?
Tor: It's too well-done.
He throws the rest of the hotdog back on Boy#1's lunch, Heidi back on
Boy#2's.
Boy#1: Hey! That is *not* cool.
Xander sniffs the air again and looks in the scent's direction. He leads
them off. Kyle climbs onto the table and stomps the boys' lunches.
Boy#1: Hey!
Cut to the faculty room. They all come in. Xander inhales deeply through
his nose. The other two boys go to close the blinds. They all approach
the cage. Xander bends down to look at Herbert.
Xander: Let's do lunch.
The pig becomes nervous and squeals.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
Outside at school. Xander and the pack come walking in slow motion up
the stairs from below the administrative offices to the quad. Several
students stare at them as they walk by. "Job's Eyes", by Far, plays as
background music.
Lyrics: I'm sure this rain won't last / I'm sure its time is up /
Though it's pouring down
Lance walks by and just stops in front of them. They look at him and
Xander sniffs him, but they keep walking right by.
Lyrics: I'm sure this rain won't last / And it falls on Job's eyes /
This water of doubt / And I'm wading in lies / It's wearing me out / But
if you want it, alright / I'll buy it / I'll buy it / I'll buy it / I'll
buy it / I'll buy it / I'll...
Xander notices Buffy and Willow sitting and talking on the balcony
above. His hearing has become sensitive and he overhears.
Willow: I've known him my whole life, Buffy.
Cut to the girls.
Willow: (tears in her eyes) Well, we haven't always been close, but
he's never... (exhales)
Buffy: I think something's wrong with him.
Willow: Or maybe there's something wrong with me.
Buffy: What are you talking about?
Willow: C'mon. He's not picking on you. He's just sniffing you a lot. I
don't know, maybe three isn't company anymore.
Buffy: You think this has something to do with me?
Willow: Of course.
Buffy: No. That still doesn't explain why he's hanging out with the
dode patrol. (hops off the railing) Something's going on. Something
weird. (starts to go)
Willow: What're you gonna do?
Buffy: Talk to the expert on weird.
Cut to the library. Giles is going about his work. Buffy follows him as
they talk.
Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and
demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about
with imbeciles.
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it.
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy.
Course, you'll have to kill him.
Buffy: Giles, I'm serious.
Giles: So am I. Except for the part about killing him. Testosterone is
a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons. He will, however, get
over it.
Buffy: (exasperated) I cannot believe that you, of all people, are
trying to Scully me. There is something supernatural at work here.
(grabs some books) Get your books! Look stuff up!
Giles: (takes the books) Look under what?
Buffy: I don't know. (exhales) That's your department.
Giles: The evidence that you've presented me with is sketchy at best.
Buffy: He scared the pig. (Giles gives her a look) Well, he did...
Giles: Buffy, boys can be cruel. They tease, they, they, they prey on
the weak. I-i-it's natural teen behavior pattern.
Buffy: What did you just say?
Giles: Um, they tease.
Buffy: They prey on the weak. I've heard that somewhere bef... (it
clicks in her mind) Xander has been acting totally wiggy ever since we
went to the zoo. Him and Kyle and all those guys, they went into the
hyena cage. Oh, God, that laugh...
Giles: You're saying that, uh, Xander's becoming a hyena.
Buffy: I don't know. Or been possessed by one? Not just Xander, all of
them.
Giles: Well, I-I-I've cer-certainly never heard of, uh...
Willow: (comes into the library) Herbert! They found him.
Buffy: The pig?
Willow: Dead. And also eaten. Principal Flutie's freaking out.
Buffy: (to Giles) Testosterone, huh?
Giles heads towards his office.
Willow: What're you gonna do?
Giles: Get my books. Look stuff up.
Cut outside. Mr. Flutie is walking angrily. He sees Kyle and the others.
Xander isn't with them. Mr. Flutie approaches them.
Mr. Flutie: (angry) You four!
Kyle: What?
Mr. Flutie: Oh, don't think I don't know. Three kids saw you outside
Herbert's room. You're busted! Yeah! You're goin' down.
Rhonda: How is Herbert?
Heidi: Crunchy!
They all laugh. Mr. Flutie is incensed.
Mr. Flutie: That's it! My office, right now. (they laugh more) Now!
They stop laughing. Kyle gets off of the table and indicates for the
others to follow.
Mr. Flutie: You're gonna have so much detention, your grandchildren'll
be staying after school.
Cut to the library. Willow is at the table researching. Buffy is on the
stairs behind her with a book.
Buffy: Wow! Apparently Noah rejected the hyenas from the Ark because he
thought they were an evil impure mixture of dogs and cats.
Willow: Hyenas aren't well liked.
Buffy: They do seem to be the schmoes of the animal kingdom. (comes
over to Willow)
Willow: Why couldn't Xander be possessed by a puppy or, or some ducks?
Buffy: That's assuming 'possession' is the right word.
Giles: (comes over from the cage) Oh, I'll say it is. The Masai of the
Serengeti have spoken of animal possession for, for generations. I... I
should have remembered that.
Buffy: So how does it work?
Giles: Well, apparently there's a, a sect of animal worshipers known as
Primals. They believe that humanity, uh, consciousness, uh, the soul, is
a, is a perversion, a dilution of spirit. Uh, to them the animal state
is holy. They are able, through trans-possession, to, to, um, draw the
spirit of certain animals into themselves.
Buffy: And then they started acting like hyenas.
Giles: Well, only the most predatory of animals are, are of interest to
the Primals, so, uh, yes, yes, that would fit, yes.
Buffy: So, what happens to the person once the spirit's in them?
Giles: If it goes unchecked...
He hands Buffy a book open to a certain page. She takes one look, slams
the book shut and quickly gets up to go.
Buffy: I gotta find Xander.
Willow picks up the book and opens it to the bookmark. There's a drawing
of people with limbs bitten off, heads missing and other massive
injuries.
Cut to the faculty room. Herbert's cage has been mangled. Buffy comes in
and looks around. She inspects the cage.
Buffy: (exhales) They are strong.
She steps on something that crunches and crouches down to the floor. She
finds parts of Herbert, some vertebrae and other bones. She picks up a
rib. Xander comes in and stands behind her. Buffy gets back up and turns
around, only to be startled by him.
Buffy: Xander.
She tries to evade him, but he's quick to match her movement.
Buffy: (exhales) This is ridiculous. We need to talk.
She fakes him out and jumps on him, knocking him down with her on top
holding down his arms.
Xander: (smiles) Been waitin' for you to jump my bones.
Cut to Mr. Flutie's office. He stands in front of his desk and lectures
Kyle and his friends.
Mr. Flutie: I have seen some sick things in my life! Believe me! But
this is beyond the pale! What is it with you people?
The pack starts to whine and stalk him.
Mr. Flutie: Is it drugs? How could you? A poor defenseless pig?
(notices their behavior) What are you doing?
Cut to the faculty room. Xander growls and rolls Buffy over onto her
back so he's on top now and has her arms pinned down.
Buffy: Get off of me.
Xander: Is that what you really want? (Buffy struggles a bit) We both
know what you really want. You want danger, don't cha? You like your men
dangerous.
Buffy: You're in trouble, Xander. You are infected with some hyena
thing, it's like a demonic possession!
Xander: Dangerous and mean, right? Like Angel. Your Mystery Guy. Well,
guess who just got mean.
Cut to Mr. Flutie's office. He goes around behind his desk to get away
from the pack. They slowly approach.
Mr. Flutie: Now, stop that! You're only gonna make things worse for
yourselves. I tell you how this is gonna work: I am gonna call your
parents, and they are gonna take you all home.
He reaches for his phone, but Tor gets his hands on it first and tries
to stare him down. Mr. Flutie looks at him a moment and then gestures to
be given the phone. Tor gives it to him.
Mr. Flutie: Thank you.
He starts to pull the phone toward himself to dial, but Rhonda tears it
away from him and throws it off of the desk.
Rhonda: I'm sorry...
Mr. Flutie: (furiously) That is it!
He tries to get past them, but Kyle growls at him and he falls back into
his chair.
Cut to Buffy and Xander. He is still on top of her.
Xander: Do you know how long... I've waited... until you'd stop
pretending that we aren't attracted...
Buffy throws him off of her and quickly gets up to face him. He gets up,
too, and begins to approach her as she backs away.
Xander: Until Willow... stops kidding herself... that I could settle
with anyone but you?
Buffy: Look, Xander, I don't wanna hurt you...
He grabs her by the shoulders and pushes her against the vending
machine.
Xander: Now do you wanna hurt me?
Buffy struggles, but the possessed Xander is too strong.
Xander: Come on, Slayer. I like it when you're scared.
She struggles a bit more.
Xander: The more I scare you, (sniffs her) the better you smell.
He moves in and kisses her roughly on the neck.
Cut to Mr. Flutie's office. The pack continues to taunt and sniff him.
Mr. Flutie: You're about this close to expulsion, people! (gets up) I'm
willing to talk to the school counselor, and we can discuss options...
He tries to go again, but Heidi stops him. Tor climbs onto his desk and
growls at him.
Mr. Flutie: (angrily) Get down from there this instant!
Rhonda gets in his face and scratches his cheek with her nails. He falls
back into his chair with his hand covering his face. He takes his hand
away and sees the blood.
Mr. Flutie: (terrified) Are you insane?!
Tor jumps on him from the desk, and the rest of the pack descends on him
and begins feeding. The camera closes in on a picture of Mr. Flutie on
his desk.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
The library. Willow is watching footage of feeding hyenas on the PC. She
looks up when she hears the door open and stops the playback. She sees
Buffy dragging Xander into the library and goes over to them.
Buffy: Hurry up. We gotta get him locked up somehow before he comes to.
Willow: Oh, my God, Xander! What happened?
Buffy: I hit him.
Willow: With what?
Buffy: A desk.
Willow opens the cage door, and Buffy drags him in.
Buffy: He tried his hand at felony sexual assault.
Willow: Oh, Buffy, the hyena in him didn't...
Buffy: No. (they arrange him on the floor of the cage) No, but it's
safe to say that in his animal state his idea of wooing doesn't involve
a Yanni CD and a bottle of Chianti. (locks the cage) There, that oughtta
hold him. Where's Giles?
Willow: He got called to some teacher's meeting. What are we gonna do?
I mean... how do we get Xander back?
Giles comes into the library.
Buffy: Right now I'm a little more worried about what the rest of the
pack are up to.
Giles: The rest of the pack were spotted outside Herbert the mascot's
cage. They were sent to the principal's office.
Willow: Good! That'll show 'em. (Giles is silent) Did it show 'em?
Giles exhales but remains silent, searching for what to say.
Buffy: They didn't hurt him, did they?
Giles: They, uh... ate him.
Willow has to sit down. She and Buffy can't believe what they just
heard.
Buffy: They ate Principal Flutie?
Willow: Ate him up?
Giles: The, uh, official theory is that wild dogs got into his office
somehow. There was no one at the scene.
Willow: But Xander didn't. (to Buffy) He, he was with you.
Giles: (sees Xander in the cage) Oh! Uh, well, that's a small mercy.
Buffy: Giles, how do we stop this? How do you trans-possess someone?
Giles: I-I'm afraid I still don't have all the pieces. Um, the accounts
of the Primals and their methods are a bit thin on the ground. There is
some talk of a-a-a predatory act, but the exact ritual is, is, um...
(thinks, picks up a book) The Malleus Maleficarum deals in particulars
of demonic possession, which... may apply... (looks through a few pages)
Yes, one, one should be able to transfer the spirits to another human.
Buffy: Oh, that's great. Any volunteers?
Giles: Oh. Good point.
Buffy: What we need to do is put the hyena back in the hyena.
Giles: B-but until we know more, uh...
Buffy: Betcha that zookeeper could tell us. Maybe he didn't quarantine
those hyenas because they were sick.
Giles: We should talk to him.
Buffy: Okay. (starts to go but stops) Oh, wait, somebody's gotta watch
Xander.
Willow: (gets up) I will.
Buffy: Will, are you sure? If he wakes up...
Willow: (holds her hand out for the keys) I'll be alright. Go.
After a moment's hesitation Buffy gives Willow the keys to the cage and
grabs her coat.
Buffy: (to Giles) C'mon.
Willow watches them leave, then looks over at Xander in the cage. She
slips the keys into her pocket.
Cut outside at night. A young woman with her baby in a backpack walks
through some bushes and sees the pack lying on the ground, sleeping
after their meal. The pack wakes and sees the woman. She becomes panicy
and slowly backs up, almost stepping on Tor. She turns suddenly when she
hears him growl. He drools heavily. The members of the pack slowly crawl
toward her. The woman finally turns and runs, and the pack lies back
down to rest some more.
Cut to the library. Xander wakes up.
Xander: Willow.
She is watching the hyena video again. She stops it and turns to look at
him.
Willow: How are you feeling?
Xander: Like somebody hit me with a desk. (looks around) What am I
doin' here?
Willow: (gets up and goes toward the cage) You're... resting?
Xander: You guys got me locked up now. (stands up)
Willow: 'Cause you're sick. Buffy said...
Xander: (interrupts) Oh, yeah. Buffy and her all-purpose solution:
punch 'em out 'n' knock 'em down. I'd love to see what she'd do to
somebody who was *really* sick.
Willow: That's not fair. Buffy saved both of our lives.
Xander: Before she came here our lives didn't need that much saving,
did they? Weren't things a lot simpler when it was just you and me?
Willow: (moves closer) Maybe...
Xander: When we were alone together... Willow, I know there's something
wrong with me. I think it's gettin' worse. But I can't just stand around
waitin' for Buffy to decide it's time to punch me out again. (exhales)
Look, I want you to help me. I want you.
Willow: I am helping you.
Xander: (exhales) You're doing what you're told.
Willow: Buffy's trying to help you, too. You know that. Or Xander does.
Xander: Yeah... Buffy's so selfless. Always thinking of us. Well, if
I'm so dangerous, how come she left you alone with me?
Willow: I told her to.
Xander: Why?
Willow: 'Cause I know you better than she does... and I wanted to be
here to see if... you were still you.
Xander: You know I am. Look at me. (long pause) Looook.
Willow: (moves even closer, whispers) Xander...
He makes a grab for her through the book return slot in the cage, but
she jerks back in time.
Willow: Now I know.
Xander: (bangs on the cage) LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
Cut to the zookeeper's office.
Zookeeper: The students have been possessed by the hyenas?
Giles: Yes.
Zookeeper: Are you sure?
Buffy: We're really, really sure.
Giles: Y-you don't seem enormously surprised by this.
Zookeeper: The zoo imported those hyenas from Africa. There was
something strange about them from day one. I did some homework... That
particular breed is very rare. Totally vicious. Historically they were
worshipped by these guys...
Giles: Primals.
Zookeeper: Yeah! Creepy guys! Now, they had rituals for taking the
hyena spirits, but I-I don't see how that coulda happened to your kids.
Giles: Uh, we don't know exactly how the ritual works. We know that it
involves a, um, um... predatory act and some kind of symbol.
Zookeeper: Predatory act? Of course. That makes sense. Where did you
read that?
Giles: Do you have Sherman Jeffries' work on, on cults and on...
Buffy: (impatiently) Boys?
Giles: Sorry.
Zookeeper: Look.
Giles: (raises his hand slightly) Sorry.
Zookeeper: Look. I think we may have enough information so that
together we could pull off a reverse trans-possession.
Buffy: What do we do?
Zookeeper: We've gotta get those possessed students over to the hyena
cage right away. I'll meet you there. We can begin the rituals.
Buffy: W-well, we can guarantee one of them, but there are four more,
and we have no idea where they are.
Zookeeper: No, I wouldn't worry about that. After hyenas feed and rest
they will track the missing member of their pack until they find him.
They should come right to you.
Buffy: (worried) Willow!
Cut to the library. Willow is watching the hyena video again. Xander
paces in the cage.
Xander: Willow...
Willow: I'm not listening.
Cut to the small arched windows high up on the wall. Kyle appears at
one, Heidi at the other.
Kyle: Wiiillooow...
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~
The library. Kyle is looking in through the window.
Kyle: Wiiillooow...
Willow: (turns to the cage) Xander, shut up!
Kyle: Wiiillooow...
She looks up at the window where the sound is coming from, sees Kyle and
startles. Kyle and Heidi kick in the windows. Willow gets up and runs
from the library. The pack comes in as Xander kicks and pounds at the
cage. Kyle manages to bend over the corner of the door. The others start
banging at the cage, too.
Cut to the hall. Willow stops at the intersection.
Cut to the library. The pack pulls down the door, freeing Xander. They
whine and sniff each other.
Cut to the hall. Willow runs to a door and tries it, but finds it
locked.
Cut to the library. Xander looks toward the library doors and begins
tracking Willow. The others follow.
Cut to the hall. Willow runs to another door on the other side of the
hall and finds it open. She goes in and closes the door behind her. The
pack reaches the hall intersection and sniffs around for Willow's scent.
Cut inside the classroom. Willow hides under the teacher's desk.
Cut to the hall. The pack splits up and begins searching for Willow.
Xander and Heidi come down the hall. He keeps sniffing. He looks at the
door that Willow went through and goes into the classroom with Heidi.
Willow stays quiet under the desk. Xander looks around and sees nothing.
He motions with his head for them to leave. When Willow hears the door
close she comes out from under the desk. She looks toward the door, sees
Xander and screams as she jumps back against the window blinds. Xander
growls and leaps over the desk at her. She runs around the desk to get
away and tips over a student desk to block Xander's way. He comes after
her and trips over the desk. Willow runs out of the door, but is met by
Heidi. Buffy comes up behind Heidi and hits her on the back with a fire
extinguisher, knocking her down and out. Willow comes out of the room
and goes over to Giles. Xander has gotten up and rushes Buffy. She kicks
him, and he falls in the hall outside the classroom also. Buffy discards
the extinguisher. The other three pack members appear at the end of the
hall.
Giles: Run!
They come running. Giles and Willow run back into the classroom, and
Buffy follows, closing and locking the door behind her. The pack pounds
on the door but can't get in and soon leaves.
Buffy: I think they're going.
Willow: They could be faking it.
Buffy: No, they're hungry. They'll be looking for somebody weak. I'm
really sorry, Will. I didn't know they were gonna come after Xander.
Willow: (shaken) It's okay.
Giles: We must lead them back to the zoo if we're going to stop this.
Buffy: And before their next meal. Guess that's my job.
Giles: Well, individually they're almost as strong as you. As a group
they're...
Buffy: They're tough, but I think they're getting stupider. You guys go
to the zoo and I will bring them to you. (leaves)
Cut to a house where a family is coming out.
Mr. Anderson: I didn't say she looks better than you, I said she looks
better.
Mrs. Anderson: I heard what I heard. (to her son) Joey, chew! You have
to chew or you'll choke!
They get into their Jeep.
Mr. Anderson: I don't see why we have to have this conversation every
time we see them.
Mrs. Anderson: I didn't start it. (puts on her seatbelt)
Mr. Anderson: (looks at the ignition) Damn. Where are the keys?
Mrs. Anderson: Huh?
They hear Joey's name being called from outside and begin to look
around. Kyle looks down from the Jeep's roof into Joey's window. The
mother screams. Two others climb onto the hood and slap the windshield.
Xander is at the window opposite Kyle. They all pound on the car.
Mr. Anderson: What going on?! Hey! Get off! Get off of there!
Xander breaks the window with his elbow.
Joey: Get away!
Xander growls and reaches in for Joey. His mother reaches back to try to
protect him.
Mrs. Anderson: Joey! Joey! Joey!
Buffy comes running up, grabs Rhonda and throws her off of the hood to
the ground. She climbs to the roof and does an in-to-out crescent kick,
knocking Kyle off. She looks down at Xander's feet sticking out of the
window.
Mrs. Anderson: Joey!
Buffy: Didn't your mom teach you? (Xander hears her) Don't play with
your food.
Xander crawls out and looks up at her. The pack gathers around him and
looks up at her. She straightens up and puts her hands on her hips.
Buffy: C'mon. You know what you want.
She turns, jumps off of the car and starts running down the street. The
pack gives chase.
Cut to the Hyena House. Giles and Willow arrive at a run.
Willow: The pathway to the Hyena House. Where's the zookeeper?
Giles: Uh, he must be inside. I-I'll go in and prepare things. You just
warn, uh, us when you hear Buffy and the others approaching.
He runs in. Willow turns around to watch and wait.
Cut to Buffy running through a stand of trees. The pack is close behind.
Cut inside the Hyena House. Giles ducks under the tape and comes into
the main area.
Giles: Doctor? Uh... Zookeeper?
He hears a door close and is startled by the zookeeper. He is all made
up.
Giles: Oh! Oh, of course, the, uh, Masai ceremonial garb. Yes... Very
good. Are you, uh, otherwise prepared for the trans-possession?
Zookeeper: (nods) Almost.
Giles: (notices the markings on the floor) Oh, right! The, uh, sacred
circle. Yes, you'd need that to, um... This would be here when... when
the children first came. Why would you... (figures it out, exhales) How
terribly frustrating for you, that a bunch of school children could
accomplish what you could not.
Zookeeper: It bothered me. But the power will be mine.
Giles tries to get away, but the zookeeper hits him in the gut with his
staff and again on the back, knocking him out. He tosses the staff aside
and drags Giles away.
Cut to Buffy, still running through the trees. Cut to outside the Hyena
House. Willow hears them coming and runs in. Cut inside.
Willow: They're almost here! Giles! Giles! (sees the zookeeper) Where
are the hyenas for the trans-possession?
Zookeeper: They're right here in the feeding area.
Willow runs to see the hyenas, but he stops her.
Zookeeper: Stay back! They haven't been fed.
Willow: Where's Giles?
Zookeeper: He's... laying in wait.
Willow: They're almost here. Shouldn't you bring the hyenas out?
Zookeeper: When the time is right. I'm gonna need your help. (begins
binding her wrists)
Cut outside. Buffy comes running in.
Buffy: They're right behind me!
Cut inside.
Willow: That's Buffy! Get ready!
The zookeeper takes Willow and positions her in front of him.
Zookeeper: Here.
Willow: What is this?
Zookeeper: A predatory act, remember? (holds a knife to her throat)
Willow: Uh, right. You'll pretend to slash my throat and, and put the
evil in the hyenas?
Zookeeper: Something like that.
Willow realizes the zookeeper has other intentions. Buffy comes running
in, but stops short when she sees Willow being held by the zookeeper.
Willow: Buffy, it's a trap!
Xander grabs Buffy from behind and they fall to the floor. The others
come in and get on top of her, too.
Zookeeper: YU BA YA SA NA!
The pack looks up at him, and their eyes all flash green. Then the
zookeeper's eyes flash green. He turns to Willow and growls. He drops
the knife, grabs her head and moves in to bite her.
Xander: Willow!
He gets up and charges the zookeeper, knocking him down and away from
Willow. The pack gets off of Buffy. The zookeeper gets up and punches
Xander. Buffy gets up and punches the zookeeper. Kyle and his gang see
the fight and begin to crawl away on their butts. The zookeeper charges
Buffy, but she knocks him back down. He charges her again, and she
tosses him over onto his back. He gets up and tries again. Buffy gets
under him and throws him up and into the hyena pit. He tries to climb
out, but is dragged back down by the hyenas. Kyle and company get up and
scramble away. Buffy runs to the pit to see if she can save the
zookeeper, but she's too late. She looks away as Xander comes over to
untie Willow. Giles comes out of the back room.
Giles: Uh, did I miss anything?
Cut to the school the next day. The shot from the balcony shows Buffy,
Willow and Xander walking across the quad.
Willow: I heard the vice-principal's taking over till they can find a
replacement.
Buffy: It shouldn't be too hard to find a new principal. Unless they
ask what happened to the last one.
Xander: Okay, but I had nothing to do with that, right?
They start to climb the stairs.
Buffy: Oh, right.
Willow: You only ate the pig.
Xander: I ate a pig? Was it cooked and called bacon or...
The girls shake their heads.
Xander: (covering his face) Oh, my God! I ate a pig? I mean, the whole
trichinosis issue aside, yuck!
Buffy: Well, it wasn't really you.
Xander: Well, I remember I was goin' on the field trip, and then goin'
down to the Hyena House, and next thing some guy's holding Willow and
he's got a knife.
Willow: You saved my life.
Xander: Hey! Nobody messes with my Willow. (gives her a hug)
Buffy looks on and smiles. Willow smiles, too.
Buffy: This is definitely the superior Xander. Accept no substitutes.
Xander: I didn't do anything else, did I, around you guys or anything
embarrassing?
The girls smile, and Buffy considers what to tell him.
Buffy: (shakes her head) Nah!
Willow: Not at all.
Buffy: (to Willow) C'mon. We're gonna be late. (takes her hand and they
go)
Willow: (to Xander) See you at lunch.
Xander: Cool! Oh, hey, goin' vegetarian! Huh?
He gives them two thumbs-up. Willow turns and smiles at him. So does
Buffy. Xander starts to head the other way when he is met by Giles.
Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot
find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
Xander: Did you tell them that?
Giles: (leans to Xander's ear) Your secret dies with me.
Xander: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.
Giles pats him on the shoulder as he shakes his head and starts walking
along the balcony. He leans on the railing and watches Xander go. Xander
can't believe what has happened to him.
Angel
Written by: David Greenwalt
Directed by: Scott Brazil
Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson
Copyright © 1997 Alexander Thompson
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
The Master's lair. Collin is tossing stones into the pool. He takes a
few more from the Master's hand. Darla comes into the lair.
Master: Zachary didn't return from the hunt last night.
Darla: The Slayer.
Master: Zachary was strong, and he was careful. And still the Slayer
takes him... as she has taken so many of my family. (takes a breath) It
wears thin. Collin, what would you do about it?
Collin: I'd annihilate her.
Master: (inhales) Out of the mouths of babes...
Darla: (makes her way down) Let me do it, Master. Let me kill her for
you.
Master: You have a personal interest in this.
Darla: (disappointed) I don't get to have any fun.
Master: I will send the Three.
Darla: (intrigued) The Three?
Cut to an alley. Three tough guys are lighting up cigarettes. The Three
come around a corner at a steady, deliberate pace. The men see them
coming and leave.
Cut to the Bronze. A cockroach is being chased along the floor.
Boy: Get it! Go get it, right there!
Girl: I got it!
She holds the roach up to the bartender and drops it into his jar.
Girl: Free drink, please.
The bartender nods his head and goes to get the drink.
Willow: Ah, the fumigation party.
Cut to Buffy and Willow sitting at a table.
Buffy: Hmm?
Willow: It's an annual tradition. The closing of the Bronze for a few
days to nuke the cockroaches?
Buffy: (not paying attention) Oh.
Willow: It's a lot of fun... What's it like where *you* are?
Buffy: (looks up and smiles) I'm... sorry, I was just... thinking about
things...
Willow: So, we're talking about a guy?
Buffy: Not exactly a guy. For us to have a conversation about a guy,
there'd have to be a guy for us to have a conversation about. Is that a
sentence?
Willow: (smiles) You lack a guy.
Buffy: I do. Which is fine with me, most of the time, but...
Willow: What about Angel?
Buffy: Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're
in grave danger. I'll see you next month.'
Willow: He's not around much, it's true.
Buffy: (looks dreamily) When he is around... it's like the lights dim
everywhere else. You know how it's like that with some guys?
Willow: Oh, yeah! (looks over at Xander)
Xander is on the dance floor, making a fool of himself. He dances up to
a girl.
Xander: Hey, Annie! (sees her boyfriend) Dino, just leaving!
He backs away and bumps into Cordelia.
Cordelia: Ouch! Please get your extreme oafishness off my two-hundred-
dollar shoes!
Xander: I'm sorry, I was just...
Cordelia: ...getting off the dance floor before Annie Vega's boyfriend
squashes you like a bug?
Xander: Oh, so you noticed.
Cordelia: Uh-huh.
Xander: Yeah, thanks for being so understanding.
Cordelia: Sure.
Xander: Y'know, hey, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That
outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker! (laughs)
He leaves the dance floor and goes over to Buffy and Willow.
Xander: Boy, that Cordelia is a regular breath of vile air. What are
you vixens up to?
Willow: Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by. (sees
a roach) Oh, look, a cockroach. (stomps it)
Buffy lifts her eyes to see and then turns them back down.
Xander: Whoa, well, let's stop this crazy whirligig of fun! I'm dizzy!
Buffy: Alright, now I'm infecting those nearest and dear to me. I'm
gonna call it a night. (gets up)
Willow: Oh, don't go!
Xander: Uh, yeah! It's early! We could, um, dance!
Buffy: Rain check? Good night. (leaves)
Xander lets out a breath. Willow holds her shoe up to him.
Willow: Want a free drink?
Buffy makes her way out of the Bronze looking bummed. She passes the
stairs. Angel is watching her go. Buffy senses something and turns to
look. Angel is gone. She continues out.
Cut to the street. Buffy is walking home. She senses something and stops
to look behind her. Nothing. She continues and walks past an alley. She
hears a breath and stops.
Buffy: It's late, I'm tired, and I don't wanna play games. Show
yourself.
One of the Three roars and drops down to the sidewalk behind her. She
reaches into her coat, pulls out a stake and quickly spins around to
stake the vampire. Another of the Three grabs her arm as she swings.
Buffy: (surprised) Wuh!
The third member comes up on her other side and grabs her other arm.
Buffy: Ooo! Okay, okay, nice...
They pull her into the alley and up against a fence. The first one
approaches her.
Buffy: Okay, okay... Look, I really don't wanna fight all three of
you... unless I have to.
She snap kicks him in the crotch, elbows the third, and tries to punch
the second. He blocks her swing and thrusts his knee into her gut,
slamming her into the fence. The other two recover and grab her again.
The second one slowly approaches her with death in his eyes. Buffy is
terrified and struggles to get away.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
In the alley. The vampire comes up to Buffy, grabs her head and moves in
to bite. Angel comes up behind him, grabs him by the hair and pulls him
off of her.
Angel: Good dogs don't... (punches the vampire) ...*bite*!
Buffy is surprised, but quickly regains her head. Using the support of
the two vampires holding onto her arms, she kicks up with both feet and
hits them both in the face with a straddle kick. One of them grabs her
again and holds her against the fence. Angel continues to fight the
other two, punching one and snap kicking the second. One of them pulls a
piece of iron bar off of a window.
Buffy: Look out!
Angel turns around, only to be sliced in the chest with the bar. Buffy
shoves an open palm into her assailant's chin, pushing him off of her,
punches him once in the gut and then slams both fists into his head.
Angel is bent over in pain and is about to be stabbed again. Buffy
quickly side kicks his attacker in the face, and he falls back away from
Angel. She helps Angel up.
Buffy: Run!
They come running out of the alley. The Three get up and give chase.
Cut to Buffy's street. She and Angel jump over the bushes in front of
her house and run onto the porch. The Three are hot on their trail.
Buffy gets the front door open.
Buffy: Get in! C'mon!
She rushes inside. Angel is right behind her. Buffy slams the door on
one of the vampire's hands. He struggles a moment, but pulls his hand
back out. She slams the door shut and locks it. The vampire looks in
through the glass. Another one looks in through the window.
Angel: It's alright. A vampire can't come in unless it's invited.
Buffy: I've heard that before, but I've never put it to the test.
(leans on the door, sees his wound) Oh... I'll go get some bandages,
just... take your jacket and your shirt off.
She heads into the kitchen. Angel looks out the window one last time and
follows her. He takes off his jacket and his T-shirt. Buffy looks at him
from behind and sees his tattoo of a griffin straddling a large "A"
below his right shoulder. She brings over the first aid kit.
Buffy: Nice tattoo. (exhales) I was lucky you came along. (looks up at
him) How did you happen to come along? (begins to bandage him)
Angel: I live nearby. I was just out walking.
Buffy: So, you weren't following me? I just had this feeling you were.
Angel: (smiles) Why would I do that?
Buffy: You tell me. You're the Mystery Guy that appears out of nowhere.
I'm not saying I'm not happy about it tonight, but... if you are hanging
around I'd like to know why. (finishes bandaging)
Angel: Maybe I like you.
Buffy: Maybe...
They smile at each other. Buffy hears the door open and quickly goes to
intercept her mom. She's also worried about the Three outside. She pulls
her mom into the house and closes the door.
Joyce: Hi! What are you doing?
Buffy: There's a lot of weird people outside at night...
Joyce starts toward the kitchen. Buffy comes after her.
Buffy: ...I just feel better with you safe and sound inside. You must
be beat.
Joyce: I am. We're a little gallery. You have no idea how much...
Buffy: (interrupts) Well, then why don't you go upstairs and get into
bed, and I can bring you some hot tea?
Joyce: That's sweet! (suspiciously) What'd you do?
Buffy: Can't a daughter just be concerned about her mother?
Angel comes into the living room behind Buffy. Joyce sees him.
Joyce: Hi.
Angel: Hi.
Buffy: Oh! Okay... Um... Angel, uh, this is my mom. Mom, this is Angel.
Uh, we ran into each other on the way home.
Angel: Nice to meet you.
Joyce: What do you do, Angel?
Buffy: He's a student. (her mother gives her a disbelieving look) Uh,
first year community college. Angel's been helping me with my history,
you know I've been toiling there.
Joyce: It's a little late for tutoring. I'm gonna go to bed, and, uh,
Buffy? (starts up the stairs)
Buffy: I'll say good night and do the same!
Joyce looks back down at her daughter and nods.
Joyce: (to Angel) It was nice to meet you.
Cut to Buffy at the front door holding it open.
Buffy: Good night! We'll hook up soon and do that study thing!
She closes the door. Angel is still there behind it. They go up the
stairs and into her room. She closes the door quietly.
Angel: Look, I don't wanna get you in any more trouble...
Buffy: And I don't wanna get you dead. They could still be out there.
(moves to the center of the room) So, uh, (realizes) oh... two of us,
one bed. That doesn't work. (faces him) Um, why don't you take the bed?
Y'know, you're wounded...
Angel: I'll take the floor.
Buffy: Uh, no, that's not...
Angel: (reassuringly) Oh, believe me, I've had worse.
Buffy: Okay. Um, then why don't you check and see if the Fang Gang is
still loitering and, um, keep your back turned while I change?
Angel goes over to the window to have a look. Buffy goes to her closet
and changes.
Angel: I don't see them.
Buffy: Y'know, I'm the Chosen One, it's my job to fight guys like that.
What's your excuse?
Angel: Uh, somebody has to.
Buffy: Well, what does your family think of your career choice?
Angel: They're dead.
She has finished changing and comes over to him.
Buffy: Was it vampires?
Angel: (faces her) I-it was.
Buffy: I'm sorry.
Angel: It was a long while ago.
Buffy: So, this is a vengeance gig for you.
Angel: (pauses) Y-you even look pretty when you go to sleep.
Buffy: Well, when I wake up it's an entirely different story.
They go over to her bed. She hands him the comforter from it.
Buffy: Here. Sleep tight.
He lays the comforter down on the floor next to her bed. She gets into
her bed and he lies on the comforter.
Buffy: Angel?
Angel: Hmm?
Buffy: Do you snore?
Angel: I don't know. It's been a long time since anybody's been in a
position to let me know.
He turns his head to look at her. She smiles and settles in to sleep.
Cut to the library the next day.
Xander: He spent the night? In your room? In your bed?
Buffy: Not *in* my bed, *by* my bed.
Willow: That is so romantic! Did you, uh... I mean, did he, uh...
Buffy: (smiling) Perfect gentleman.
The girls exchange smiles.
Xander: Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest
trick in the book.
Buffy: What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?
Xander: Duh! I mean, guys'll do anything to impress a girl. I-I once
drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath. (grins)
Willow: It was pretty impressive. Although later there was an ick
factor.
Giles: (coming to the table) Can we steer this riveting conversation
back to the events that happened earlier in the evening? (Buffy sits
down) You left the Bronze and were set upon by three unusually virile
vampires. (puts a book in front of her) Did they look like this?
Buffy: Yeah. What's with the uniforms?
Giles: It seems you encountered the Three. Warrior vampires, very proud
and very strong.
Willow: (to Giles) How is it you always know this stuff? You always
know what's going on. I never know what's going on.
Giles: Well, you weren't here from midnight until six researching it.
Willow: No, I was sleeping.
Giles: Uh, o-obviously you're hurting the Master very much. He, he
wouldn't send the, the Three for just anyone. We must step up our
training with weapons.
Xander: Buffy, you should stay at my house until these Samurai guys are
history.
Buffy: (turns to him) What?
Xander: Ah-ah-ah, don't worry about Angel, Willow can run to your house
and tell him to get out of town fast.
Giles: Angel and Buffy are, are not in any immediate jeopardy.
Eventually the Master will send someone else, but in the mean time the
Three, having failed, will offer their own lives in penance.
Cut to the Master's lair.
Vampire: We failed in our duty, and now our lives belong to you.
He hands the Master a spear. The Master passes it to Darla. She starts
to walk around behind the Three as the Master goes over to Collin.
Master: Pay attention, child. You are the Anointed, and there is much
you must learn. (crouches beside him) With power comes responsibility.
True, they did fail, but also true, we who walk at night share a common
bond. The taking of a life -- I'm not talking about humans, of course --
is a serious matter.
One of the Three raises his head in hope.
Collin: So you would spare them?
Master: Hmm. (gets up) I am weary, and their deaths will bring me
little joy.
The Master begins to walk away, and Collin follows. Darla watches them
go and smiles. She lifts the spear and dispatches the first of the
Three. The Master stops and turns to Collin.
Master: Of course, sometimes a little is enough.
He looks over at Darla as she kills the next one, then continues away.
Cut to the school. Cut to the library door. Giles sets out a sign that
reads 'Library CLOSED for filing. Please come back tomorrow.' Cut
inside. Buffy is checking out the weapons cabinet.
Buffy: Cool! Crossbow! (lifts it out, sees the bolts) Huh. Check out
these babies. (takes out a bolt) Hmm. Goodbye stakes, hello flying
fatality. What can I shoot?
Giles: Um, nothing. The crossbow comes later.
He takes the crossbow from her and goes to put it back. Buffy is
disappointed.
Giles: You must first become proficient with the basic tools of combat.
(Buffy looks bored) And let's begin... (comes back with two poles)
...with the quarterstaff. Which, incidentally, will, uh, require
countless hours of vigorous training. (hands her one) I speak from
experience.
Buffy: Giles, 20th Century? I'm not gonna be fighting Friar Tuck.
Giles: You never know with whom or what you'll be fighting. (puts on
his head pads) And these traditions have been handed down through the
ages. (grabs his staff) Now, you show me good, steady progress with the
quarterstaff, and in due course we'll discuss the crossbow. Put on your
pads.
Buffy: (laughs) I'm not gonna need pads to fight you.
Giles: Well, we'll see about that. En garde!
He makes several thrusts and she parries them all. She takes the
offensive, pushes his staff to the floor and punches him in the face.
She comes around with the staff into his back, and again to knock his
legs out from under him. He falls onto his back. She stands over him.
Giles: (stunned) Good. Let's move on to the crossbow.
Cut to the Summers house at night. Cut to Buffy coming into her room.
She closes the door and looks around.
Buffy: Angel?
Angel: Hey.
She turns on her desk lamp.
Buffy: Brought you some dinner. It's a little plateless, sorry.
She hands him a plastic bag full of food that she pilfered from dinner.
He accepts it and looks at it.
Buffy: So! What'd you do all day?
Angel: Uh, I read a little.
Buffy looks over to her diary. It's out of place.
Angel: And just thought about a lot of things. Buffy, I...
Buffy: My diary? You read my diary? (goes to put it in a drawer) That
is *not* okay! A diary is like a person's most private place! (comes
back to him) I... You don't even know what I was writing about! 'Hunk'
can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when it says that your
eyes are 'penetrating', I meant to write 'bulging'.
Angel: Buffy...
Buffy: And 'A' doesn't even stand for 'Angel' for that matter, it
stands for... 'Achmed', a charming foreign exchange student, so that
whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all...
Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up.
I watched from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear.
She just looks at him.
Buffy: Oh! (looks down, realizing what she just said) Oh.
Angel: I did a lot of thinking today. I really can't be around you.
(Buffy looks up) Because when I am...
Buffy: (looks down) Hey, no big. Water... over the bridge, under the
bridge...
Angel: When I am all I can ever think about is how badly I want to kiss
you.
Buffy: ...over the dam... (looks up at him) Kiss me?
Angel: I'm older than you, and this can't ever... I better go.
Buffy: H-how much older?
Angel: I should...
Buffy: (approaches him) ...go... You said...
They kiss. They kiss again. They kiss passionately. She puts her arm
around him. The kiss goes on for several moments. Angel suddenly pulls
back and looks away.
Buffy: What? What is it? What's wrong?
He turns to face her and growls. She sees he has his game face on and
screams. He takes a last look at her and jumps out of the window. He
slides down the roof and off onto the ground. Buffy goes to the window
and watches him run away. Her mother comes running into the room.
Joyce: Buffy, what happened?
She backs away from the window. Her mom takes her by the shoulders. She
looks at her mom and shakes her head.
Buffy: Uh, nothing. I saw a shadow.
They both look out the window.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning at Sunnydale High. The team is walking up the steps
from the street toward the building.
Willow: Angel's a vampire?
Buffy: I can't believe this is happening. One minute we were kissing,
and the next minute... (to Giles) Can a vampire ever be a good person?
Couldn't it happen?
Giles: A vampire isn't a person at all. (clears his throat) It may have
the movements, the, the memories, even the personality of the person
that it took over, but i-it's still a demon at the core, there is no
halfway.
Willow: So that'd be a no, huh?
Buffy: Well, then what was he doing? Why was he good to me? Was it all
some part of the Master's plan? It doesn't make sense!
They've reached a bench where Willow and Buffy sit.
Xander: Alright, uh... (sits also) ...you have a problem, and it's not
a small one. Let's take a breath and look at this calmly and
objectively. Angel's a vampire. You're a Slayer. I think it's obvious
what you have to do. (grins)
Buffy doesn't react, so Xander looks up to Giles for support.
Giles: (crouches down) Uh, it is a Slayer's duty...
Xander: I-I know you have feelings for this guy, but it's not like
you're in love with him, right?
Buffy looks away.
Xander: You're in love with a vampire?! What, are you outta your mind?!
Cordelia: What?!
He looks at Cordelia. She's looking somewhere else, but turns to him.
Xander: (to Cordelia) Not vampire... (to Buffy) How could you love an
umpire? Everyone hates 'em!
Cordelia looks back at another girl wearing the same dress she is.
Cordelia: Where did you get that dress? (pursues her) This is a one-of-
a-kind Todd Oldham. Do you know how much this dress cost? Is this a
knockoff? (checks the label) This is a knockoff, isn't it?! Some cheesy
knockoff! This is exactly what happens when you sign these free trade
agreements!
The two girls disappear into the building.
Buffy: You think *we* have problems...
Cut to the hall outside Angel's apartment. He comes through the door and
goes to his apartment door. He unlocks it and goes in. Cut inside. There
are a bunch of old books stacked along the wall. He closes the door and
goes over to turn on a lamp. When he straightens back up he senses a
presence.
Angel: Who's here?
Darla: A friend.
He quickly faces the voice. Darla comes out of the shadows wearing a
Catholic schoolgirl uniform.
Darla: Hi. It's been a while.
Angel: A lifetime.
Darla: Or two, but who's counting?
Angel: What's with the Catholic schoolgirl look? Last time I saw you it
was kimonos.
Darla: And last time I saw you it wasn't high school girls. (flares the
skirt) Don't cha like? (approaches Angel) Remember Budapest? Turn of the
century? You were such a bad boy during that earthquake.
Angel: You did some damage yourself.
Darla: Is there anything better than a natural disaster? (walks away)
The panic. The people lost in the streets. It's like picking fruit off
the vine. (reaches the bed) Nice! You're living above ground, like one
of them. You and your new friend are attacking us, like one of them.
(walks to the window) But guess what, precious? You're not one of them.
She draws the window blinds open, letting in a stream of sunlight. Angel
is blinded, and he stumbles backward to get out of the light.
Darla: Are you?
Angel: No. But I'm not exactly one of you either.
Darla: (walks to the fridge) Is that what you tell yourself these days?
She opens the refrigerator and sees the bags and bottles of human blood.
Darla: You're not exactly living off quiche. (closes the fridge) You
and I both know what you hunger for. (goes over to him) What you need.
Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's who we are. It's what makes
eternal life worth living. (smiles and touches him) Mm. You can only
suppress your real nature for so long. You can feel it brewing inside of
you. I hope I'm around when it explodes.
Angel: Maybe you don't wanna be.
Darla: I'm not afraid of you. I bet she is, though. (starts to leave)
Or maybe I'm underestimating her. Talk to her. Tell her about the curse.
Maybe she'll come around. And if she still doesn't trust you, you know
where I'll be.
She exits the apartment, leaving an angry Angel behind.
Cut to the library. Buffy is looking through a book. So are Willow and
Xander. Giles comes up behind Xander and startles him.
Giles: Here's something at last.
Xander: Can you please warn us before you do that?
Giles: There's nothing about Angel in the texts, but it suddenly
occurred to me that it's been ages since I've read the diaries of any of
the watchers before me.
Willow: (to Buffy) That musta been so embarrassing when you thought he
had read your diary, but then it turned out he hadn't, but then he felt
the same way... (Xander gives her a look) I'm listening.
Giles: There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of, of
Angelus, the one with the angelic face.
Buffy: They got that right.
Xander: (clears his throat) I'm not saying anything, I have nothing to
say.
Giles: Does this, uh, Angel have, um, a tattoo behind his right
shoulder?
Buffy: Yeah, it's a, it's a bird or something.
Xander: Now I'm sayin' something. You saw him naked?
Willow: So, Angel's been around for a while.
Giles: Not long for a vampire. Uh, two hundred and forty years or so.
Buffy: Huh! Two hundred and forty. Well, he said he was older.
Giles: (sits and looks through the diary) Angelus leaves Ireland, uh,
wreaks havoc in, in Europe for, uh, several decades, and then, um, about
eighty years ago, the most curious thing happens. He, he comes to, uh,
to America, um, shuns other vampires, and, and lives alone. There's,
there's no, no record of him hunting here.
Willow: So he *is* a good vampire! I mean, on a scale of one to ten,
ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, and one being
someone who's... not.
Giles: I say that there's no record, but, uh, vampires hunt and kill.
It's, it's what they do.
Xander: Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly.
Buffy: He could've fed on me. He didn't.
Xander: Question: a hundred years or so before he came to our shores,
what was he like then?
Giles: Uh, like all of them. Uh, a vicious, violent animal.
Cut to the Master's lair.
Darla: Don't think I'm not grateful, you letting me kill the Three.
Master: How can my children learn if I do everything for them?
Darla: But you've gotta let me take care of the Slayer.
Master: Oh! You're giving me orders now!
Darla: (walks away) Okay, then, we'll just do nothing while she takes
us out one by one.
Master: Do I sense a plan, Darla? (she turns around) Share...
Darla: (walks back) Angel kills her and comes back to the fold.
Master: Angel! He was the most vicious creature I ever met. I miss him.
Darla: So do I.
Master: (considers) Why would he kill her if he feels for her?
Darla: To keep her from killing him.
Master: Hmm. (to Collin) You see how we all work together for the
common good? That's how a family is supposed to function!
Cut to the school at night.
Willow: Okay, so let's review.
Cut to the library. Buffy and Willow are studying.
Willow: Reconstruction began when? (looks up) Buffy?
Buffy: Huh? (comes back to earth) Oh! Um, reconstruction... Uh,
reconstruction began after the... construction, which was... shoddy, so
they had to reconstruct.
Willow: After the destruction of the Civil War.
Buffy: Right. Civil War. During which Angel was already, like, a
hundred and change...
Willow: Are we gonna talk about boys, or are we gonna help you pass
history?
Buffy looks up at Willow. She closes the book.
Willow: Sometimes I have this fantasy that Xander's just gonna grab me
and kiss me right on the lips. (huge smile)
Buffy: You want Xander, you've gotta speak up, girl!
Willow: No, no, no, no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness and
sweaty palms.
Darla peeks out from behind the stacks.
Willow: Okay, so here's something I gotta know. When Angel kissed
you... I mean before he turned into... how was it?
Buffy: (smiles) Unbelievable!
Darla continues to watch and listen.
Willow: Wow! And it is kinda novel how he'll stay young and handsome
forever, although you'll still get wrinkly and die, and... Oh, and what
about the children? (Buffy looks at her) I'll be quiet now.
Buffy: No, it's okay. I need to hear this. I need to get over him so I
can...
Willow: So that you can... (makes a stabbing gesture)
Buffy: Like Xander said, I'm the Slayer, and he's a... vampire. God, I
can't! He's never done anything to hurt me... (collects herself) Okay,
no, I need to stop thinking about this. Okay, let's give another half an
hour and maybe something will sink in. And then I'm going home for some
major moping.
Darla smiles and backs away.
Willow: Okay. The era of the congressional reconstruction, usually
called radical...
Cut to the Summers house. Cut inside to the kitchen where Joyce is doing
her taxes and having coffee. She hears creaking on the porch outside and
gets up to investigate. She looks out the door window and sees nothing.
She opens the door a bit and still there's nothing. She closes the door
and heads to the front. Darla looks in, sporting her game face. Joyce
walks slowly through the living room and hears a knocking on the door.
She looks out, sees Darla in her human guise and opens the door.
Joyce: Hello?
Darla: Hi! I'm Darla? A friend of Buffy's?
Joyce: Oh! (exhales) Nice to meet you.
Darla: (exhales) She didn't mention anything about me coming over for a
study date, did she?
Joyce: No, I thought she was studying with Willow at the library.
Darla: She is. Willow's the Civil War expert, but then I was supposed
to help her with the War of Independence. My family kinda goes back to
those days.
Joyce: Well, I, I know she's supposed to be home soon. Would you like
to come in and wait?
Darla: (comes in) It's very nice of you to invite me into your home.
(smiles)
Joyce: You're welcome. I've been wrestling with the IRS all night.
Would you like something to eat? (starts to the kitchen)
Darla: (follows) Yes, I would!
She looks at Joyce's neck. Cut to the kitchen.
Joyce: Let's see what we have. Do you feel like something little or
something big?
Darla: (vamped out) Something big!
Cut outside. Angel comes walking up to the house. He almost knocks, but
then decides to leave. As he goes he hears Joyce scream. He runs around
to the back door and kicks it in. He sees Darla biting Joyce.
Angel: Let her go!
Darla: I just had a little, there's plenty more. Aren't you hungry for
something warm after all this time? Come on, Angel. Just say 'Yes'!
She shoves Joyce into Angel's arms so he can see the bite and smell the
blood. He struggles with himself and looks away from the bite. Darla
watches with a big smile. Angel looks up at her again with his game face
on.
Darla: Welcome home!
She walks around them and leaves the house. Angel continues to struggle
with himself. Buffy comes in from the dining room, and Angel looks up.
Buffy: Hey! I'm home.
She turns toward him and freezes with fear. Angel bares his fangs and
growls.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
The Summers house. Cut to the living room window. Angel flies through it
and tumbles over the porch, through the bushes and onto the lawn. Buffy
comes over to the broken window and looks out at him as he gets up.
Buffy: You're not welcome here. You come near us and I'll kill you.
Angel just looks at her. She goes back inside. He turns to leave.
Cut inside. Buffy grabs the phone, dials 911 and goes over to kneel by
her mother.
Buffy: Mom! Mom, can you hear me?! (the operator answers) Yes, I need
an ambulance, 1630 Revello Drive! My mother cut herself, she lost a lot
of blood! Please, please hurry! (drops the phone) Mom!
Xander: Hey, Buffy!
She looks up to see Xander and Willow come in through the kitchen door.
Xander: Oh, my God!
Willow: What happened?!
Buffy: Angel!
Cut to the hospital. Giles rushes down the corridor trying to find
Joyce's room.
Buffy: Do you remember anything, Mom?
Cut inside the room.
Joyce: Just, um, your friend came over... I was gonna make a snack...
Buffy: (misunderstands) My friend?
Giles comes in.
Joyce: I guess I slipped and cut my neck on... The doctor said it
looked like a barbecue fork. (looks at Buffy) We don't have a barbecue
fork. (looks at Giles) Are you another doctor?
Buffy: (looks to see) Oh! Um... No, Mom, this is Mr. Giles.
Joyce: Oh, the librarian from your school! (confused) What's he doing
here?
Giles: Uh, I-I just came to pay my respects, wish you a speedy
recovery.
Joyce: Boy, the teachers really *do* care in this town.
Buffy: Get some rest now.
She gives her mom a kiss, and they all go outside the room. Cut to the
hall.
Buffy: She's gonna be okay. They, they gave her some iron... Her, uh,
blood count was a, a little...
Giles: ...a little low. It presents itself like mild anemia. Uh, you,
you were, uh, lucky you got to her as soon as you did.
Buffy: Lucky? Stupid.
Xander: Buff, it's not your fault.
Buffy: No? I invited him into my home. Even after I knew who he was,
what he was, and I didn't do anything about it... 'cause I had feelings
for him, because I cared about him.
Willow: If you care about somebody you care about them. You can't
change that by...
Buffy: ...killing them? Maybe not. But I think it's a start. (starts to
leave)
Xander: Uh, we'll keep an eye on your mom.
Giles: (chases after her) Buffy! (blocks her way)
Buffy: You can't stop me. The Three found me near the Bronze and so did
he. He lives nearby.
Giles: This is no ordinary vampire. (whispers) If there is such a
thing. Now, he knows you, he, he's faced the Three! I think this is
gonna take more than a simple stake.
Buffy: So do I.
Cut to the armory in the library. Buffy loads the crossbow with bolts.
Darla: She's out hunting you right now.
Cut to Angel's apartment.
Darla: She wants to kill you.
Angel: Leave me alone.
Darla: What did you think? Did you think she would understand? That she
would look at your face... your true face... and give you a kiss?
Cut to Buffy in the library. She takes a practice shot at an anti-
smoking poster and nails the guy in the heart.
Darla: For a hundred years you've not (Buffy lowers the bow) had a
moment's peace because you will not (cut to the apartment) accept who
you are. That's all you have to do. Accept it. Don't let her hunt you
down. Don't whimper and mewl like a mangy human. Kill! Feed! Live!
She has pushed Angel to the limit. He jumps up and shoves her against
the wall with her arms pinned up.
Angel: Alright!
Darla: What do you want?
Angel: I want it finished!
Darla: That's good. You're hurting me. (smiles) That's good, too.
Cut to outside the Bronze. Buffy has the crossbow held ready. She comes
through a hole in a fence and goes toward the entrance. She hears glass
breaking above her and turns to the noise. She looks around as she goes
to the wall where there's a ladder. She starts to climb.
Joyce: She talks about you all the time.
Cut to the hospital room.
Joyce: It's important to have teachers who make an impression.
Giles: She makes quite an impression herself.
Joyce: I-I know she's having trouble with history. I-is it too
difficult for her or is she not applying herself?
Giles: She lives very much in the 'now', um, and, uh, history, of
course, is, is very much about the, uh... the 'then'. B-b-but there's no
reason...
Joyce: She's studying with Willow, she's studying with Darla, I-I mean,
she is trying.
Giles: Darla? I-I-I don't believe I know, uh...
Joyce: Her friend, the one who came over tonight.
Giles: Darla came to your house tonight? Sh-she's the friend that you
mentioned earlier?
Joyce: Poor thing, I must've frightened her half to death when I
fainted. Someone should really check and make sure she's alright.
Giles: (gets up) Yes, someone should, right away. I'll do it. (grabs
his coat and leaves)
Joyce: That school is amazing!
Cut to the hall. He walks with Willow and Xander.
Giles: We have a problem.
Cut to the Bronze. Buffy comes down the stairs. When she gets to the
bottom she quickly turns to have a look around. Angel backs into the
shadows. Buffy hears a noise and pivots toward it.
Buffy: I know you're there. And I know what you are.
Angel: Do you?
She faces his voice.
Angel: I'm just an animal, right?
Buffy: You're not an animal. Animals I like.
She keeps looking around her. He growls and comes out of the shadows to
face her. She trains the crossbow on him.
Angel: Let's get it done!
He growls and begins to run. He jumps onto a pool table. Buffy follows
him with her aim and shoots, but misses. Angel jumps up onto the catwalk
above. Buffy can't see him in the shadows. He swings down and kicks her
in the back, knocking her onto a pool table. She does a standing back
kick at him behind her and sends him into the wall. She runs around the
table and dives for the crossbow. She rolls onto her back and takes aim
at him. He slowly gets up and growls.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~
The Bronze. Angel is in his game face and Buffy has her crossbow trained
on him. Angel morphs back into his human form.
Angel: C'mon! Don't go soft on me now!
Buffy launches the bolt. It hits the wall next to him.
Angel: Little wide.
Buffy: Why? (gets up) Why didn't you just attack me when you had the
chance? Was it a joke? To make me feel for you and then... I've killed a
lot of vampires. I've never hated one before.
Angel: Feels good, doesn't it? Feels simple.
Buffy: I invited you into my home and then you attacked my family!
Angel: Why not? I killed mine. I killed their friends... and their
friend's children... For a hundred years I offered ugly death to
everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart.
Buffy: What changed?
Angel: Fed on a girl about your age... beautiful... dumb as a post...
but a favorite among her clan.
Buffy: Her clan?
Angel: Romany. Gypsies. The elders conjured the perfect punishment for
me. They restored my soul.
Buffy: What, they were all out of boils and blinding torment?
Angel: When you become a vampire the demon takes your body, but it
doesn't get your soul. That's gone! No conscience, no remorse... It's an
easy way to live. You have no idea what it's like to have done the
things I've done... and to care. I haven't fed on a living human being
since that day.
Buffy: So you started with my mom?
Angel: I didn't bite her.
Buffy: Then why didn't you say something?
Angel: But I wanted to. I can walk like a man, but I'm not one. I
wanted to kill you tonight.
Buffy looks at her bow and back at Angel. She puts the bow down on the
floor and approaches him. She offers her neck.
Buffy: Go ahead.
He just looks at her in silence.
Buffy: Not as easy as it looks.
Darla: Sure it is!
They turn toward the voice and see Darla coming out of the shadows.
Cut outside. Giles, Willow and Xander are walking down a street.
Willow: We're near the Bronze. What now?
Giles: Keep looking for her.
Xander: I have a question: what if we find her and she's fighting Angel
and some of his friends? What the heck are we gonna do about it?
Cut to the Bronze.
Darla: Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is?
Buffy: Bad hair on top of that outfit?
Darla: To love someone who used to love you.
Buffy: (looks at Angel) You guys were involved?
Darla: For several generations.
Buffy: Well, you been around since Columbus, you are bound to pile up a
few ex's. You're older than him, right? Just between us girls, you are
looking a little worn around the eyes.
Darla: (smiles) I made him. There was a time when we shared everything,
wasn't there Angelus? You had a chance to come home, to rule with me in
the Master's court for a thousand years, but you threw that away because
of her. You love someone who hates us. You're sick. And you'll always be
sick. And you'll always remember what it was like to watch her die.
(smiles) You don't think I came alone, do you?
Buffy: I know I didn't.
She kicks the bow up into her hands and aims it at Darla.
Darla: Hmm, scary.
She produces two pistols from behind her back, one in each hand.
Darla: Scarier!
She shoots Angel. He staggers back onto a post.
Darla: Oh, don't worry. Bullets can't kill vampires. Can hurt them like
hell, but... (giggles)
Buffy retreats. Darla starts shooting at her. Buffy does a diving
shoulder roll over a pool table and takes cover behind it. Cut outside.
Giles, Willow and Xander hear the shots from inside the Bronze.
Xander: Did you just hear...
They run to find a way in. Cut inside. Buffy reloads the crossbow.
Darla: So many body parts, so few bullets. Let's begin with the
kneecaps. No fun dancing without them.
She caps off a few more rounds, and the pool table takes a few hits.
Buffy pops up with the crossbow and takes a shot at Darla. She doubles
over when it hits her in the abdomen. Buffy watches as she straightens
back up again.
Darla: Close, but no heart.
She grabs the bolt, pulls it out and tosses it aside. Cut to Giles,
Willow and Xander crawling along the floor.
Xander: We need to distract her, fast!
Willow: (calls out) Buffy, it wasn't Angel who attacked your mom, it
was Darla!
Darla turns toward the voice and lets loose a hail of bullets as they
hug the floor for cover. Angel pulls the bolt from the wall. Darla turns
her attention back on Buffy and hops up onto the pool table. Buffy jumps
up, grabs the edge of the table and pulls, knocking Darla onto her back.
She pushes the table away and starts to run for cover. Darla fires off a
few rounds as she rides the table across the floor. Buffy leaps for
cover over a glass case in a dive roll as bullets break it all around
her. The pool table has stopped sliding, and Darla gets up to look for
Buffy. She hops off of it and advances on the counter while shooting.
Giles gets up and messes with the lighting system controls. The strobes
come on. Darla looks up at him and stops shooting. Buffy takes the
opportunity to change position. Darla sees her move and lets loose
another volley.
Darla: C'mon, Buffy. Take it like a man!
Angel comes up behind her, roars and plunges the bolt into her back. She
is surprised and cries out in pain. She turns to look at her attacker.
Darla: Angel?
She falls to the floor and bursts into ashes. Buffy rises up to see.
Angel looks up from Darla's ashes at Buffy. She comes out from behind
the counter. He looks at her a moment longer and then turns and leaves.
Buffy is speechless and just watches him go.
Cut to the Master's lair. He screams as he wields a tall candleholder
and smashes it in anger. He flails out with his arms and knocks other
things over. Finally he sinks to the ground in grief. Collin comes over
to him.
Collin: Forget her.
Master: (looks up angrily) How dare you? She was my favorite. For four
hundred years...
Collin: She was weak. You don't need her. I'll bring you the Slayer.
Master: (despondently) But to lose her to Angel! He was to have sat at
my right hand, come the day. And now...
Collin: They're all against you. But soon you shall rise. And when you
do... (puts a hand on the Master's shoulder) ...we kill them all.
The Master smiles at him and gets up. Collin takes his hand and leads
him away.
Cut to later at the Bronze.
Xander: Ah, the post-fumigation party.
Buffy: Okay, so what's the difference between this and the pre-
fumigation party?
Xander: Much hardier cockroaches.
Willow: So, no word from Angel?
Buffy: Nah. It's weird, though. In his way I feel like he's still
watching me.
Willow: Well, in a way he sort of is. In the way of that he's right
over there.
Buffy looks over where Willow is looking and sees Angel. She briefly
looks back at Willow and then heads over to him.
Xander: I don't need to watch because I'm not threatened. Just gonna
look this way.
He and Willow sit at a table with him facing away from Buffy and Angel.
Willow watches as Buffy makes her way over to Angel. The crowd is slow
dancing to "I'll remember you", by Sophie Zelmani.
Lyrics: Did they know what they wanted / The times they kissed me? /
And your hands / I held in mine
Buffy and Angel reach each other.
Angel: I just wanted to see if you were okay. And your mother.
Buffy: We're both good. You?
Angel: If I can go a little while without getting shot or stabbed I'll
be alright. Look, this can't...
Buffy: ...ever be anything. I know. For one thing, you're, like, two
hundred and twenty-four years older than I am.
Angel: I just gotta... I gotta walk away from this.
Buffy: (nods) I know. Me, too. (whispers) One of us has to go here.
Angel: (whispers) I know.
They look at each other a moment longer and then close in to kiss. Their
kiss becomes passionate. Buffy reaches her hands up to Angel's neck.
Lyrics: Your eyes / That always make me shiver / Now they are closed /
They just sometimes twitch a little
Cut to Willow and Xander.
Xander: What's going on?
Willow: Nothin'...
Xander: Well, as long as they're not kissing.
Willow just watches and says nothing. Cut to Angel and Buffy.
Lyrics: And your body / I could hold for an hour / It sent me to Heaven
/ With its heat and power
They separate.
Buffy: You okay?
Angel: It's just...
Buffy: ...painful. I know. See you around?
Lyrics: I'll remember you / You will be there in my heart / I'll
remember you / And that is all that I can do / But I'll remember
Buffy walks away. Angel watches her go. The camera pans down to his
chest where her cross has left a deep burn.
I, Robot -- You, Jane
Written by: Ashley Gable & Thomas A. Swyden
Directed by: Stephen Posey
Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson
Copyright © 1997 Alexander Thompson
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
A castle in Cortona, Italy, 1418. Cut inside. Carlo is standing by a
window looking into the room at his master.
Moloch: Carlo, caro mio.
Translation: Carlo, my dear one.
Carlo comes into the room and over to Moloch. He kneels. Moloch steps
over to him and puts his hand on his head. The camera pans up to
Moloch's demonic face.
Moloch: Mi ami? Ti darò tutto. Tutto quello che desidero è il tuo
amore.
Translation: Do you love me? I can give you everything. All I want is
your love.
Carlo: Tu hai il mio amore.
Translation: You have my love.
Moloch growls and quickly twists Carlo's head, snapping his neck.
Cut to a church. Cut inside. The priest Thelonius is talking to a group
of monks bearing torches.
Thelonius: E fuori. E il diavolo, Molocco. E fuori nel mondo, facendo
tante cose male. Abbiamo bisogno di fare il circolo.
Translation: He's out. It is the devil, Moloch. He is out in the world,
doing such bad things. We need to form the circle.
(Transcriber's note: in this part there is a significant difference
between the subtitles from the episode and what was actually said, so
the subtitles are included below.)
Subtitles: It is Moloch. The Corrupter. He walks again. More and more
people have fallen under his mesmerizing power. There is still time to
bind him. We must form the circle.
The monks gather around him as he opens a large book. Cut to a shot from
above. The pages of the book are blank.
Thelonius: Per potere di questo circolo di Kayless...
Translation: By the power of the circle of Kayless...
Cut to Moloch. He smiles as he straightens up and lets Carlo's body
fall. His expression changes when he realizes something is wrong, and he
looks up.
Moloch: (surprised) No!
Cut back to the church.
Thelonius: Per potere di questo circolo di Kayless, ti commando! Vieni!
Translation: By the power of the circle of Kayless, I command you!
Come!
Cut to Moloch. He begins to scream angrily. Cut to the Church.
Thelonius: Ti commando! Vieni!
Translation: I command you! Come!
Cut to Moloch. He screams even more loudly in terror. Cut to the Church.
Thelonius: VIENI!
Translation: COME!
Cut to Moloch. He continues to scream. Suddenly he bursts into millions
of tiny particles. Cut to the Church. The particles fall into the book
as the camera follows them down.
Thelonius: Vieni, demonio! Vieni!
Translation: Come, demon! Come!
As the particles fall into the book an ancient script appears. When the
pages are filled, Thelonius closes the book. He steps over to a table
and puts the book into a heavy wooden box.
Thelonius: Preghiamo che questo libro è mai letto più...
Translation: Pray that this accursed book is never again read...
Cut to a shot of the priest from inside the box.
Thelonius: Che il demonio Molocco è mai lasciato più fuori nel mondo.
Translation: Lest the Demon Moloch be loosed upon the world.
He puts the lid on the box.
Centuries later the lid is lifted off of the box, and Buffy looks in.
Buffy: (sarcastically) Oh, great! A book!
Cut to the library. A book-scanning project is going on, and Willow and
a few other computer science students are seated at the table, scanning
the books into the library's computer system. Buffy pulls the book out
of the box and blows some of the dust off of it.
Giles: Oh, uh, I, uh... haven't gone through the new arrivals. Uh, put
it in, uh, (points with his book) in, in that pile.
Dave: Here, I'll get it.
He gets up from his computer.
Buffy: Oh, thanks, Dave. The Willow pile.
Dave takes the book from Buffy and goes over to the pile of books next
to Willow.
Giles: Uh, when I've examined it, you can, uh, uh, skim it.
Ms. Calendar: Scan it, Rupert. That's scan it.
Giles: (gives her a sarcastic look) Of course.
Ms. Calendar: Oh, I know, our ways are strange to you, but soon you
will join us in the 20th century. With three whole years to spare!
(grins)
Giles: (smugly) Ms. Calendar, I'm sure your computer science class is
fascinating, but I happen to believe that one can survive in modern
society without being a slave to the, um, idiot box.
Ms. Calendar: (annoyed) That's TV. The idiot box is TV. This (indicates
a computer) is the *good* box!
Giles: I still prefer a good book.
Fritz: (self-righteously) The printed page is obsolete. (stands up)
Information isn't bound up anymore. It's an entity. The only reality is
virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're not alive. (grabs his books and
leaves)
Ms. Calendar: Thank you, Fritz, for making us all sound like crazy
people. (to Giles) Fritz, Fritz comes on a little strong, but he does
have a point. You know, for the last two years more e-mail was sent than
regular mail.
Giles: Oh...
Ms. Calendar: More digitized information went across phone lines than
conversation.
Giles: That is a fact that I regard with genuine horror.
Ms. Calendar: (teasingly) I'll bet it is. (to the students) Alright,
guys, let's wrap it up for today.
Willow: I've just got a few more. I'll hang for a bit.
Ms. Calendar: Cool! Thanks.
Xander grabs his bag and pulls it onto his shoulder.
Willow: Xander, you wanna stay and help me?
Xander: (in disbelief) Are you kidding?
Willow: (taken aback) Yes, it was a joke I made up.
Xander: Willow, I love you, but bye! (leaves)
Willow: (calls after him) See you tomorrow!
Xander: (ignores her) Buffy, wait up!
Giles: I'm, I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll, uh, I'll
be back in the middle ages. (starts up the stairs)
Ms. Calendar: Did you ever leave?
Giles stops and looks back at her. She's smiles to herself, pleased with
his reaction to her comment. He continues up the stairs.
Cut to later. Willow is alone in the library scanning the last book. She
draws the scanner over the two pages, and they appear on the monitor. As
she types to save the scan, the script in the book disappears. Willow
closes the book, puts it in the pile with the others and leaves. The
computer monitor goes blank and Moloch's words appear.
Moloch: Where am I?
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
The hall at Sunnydale High School. Buffy runs to catch up with Willow as
she slowly walks along.
Buffy: Willow! Willow, hey, wait up! (reaches her)
Willow: Oh, Buffy, I didn't even see you.
Buffy: Or hear me. What was up last night? I tried your line, like, a
million times.
Willow: Oh, I was, I was talking.
Buffy: Talking to...? (no answer) Okay, that's it, you have a secret,
and that's not allowed.
Willow: Why not? (opens her locker)
Buffy: 'Cause... there's a rule.
Willow: Well, I sort of met someone. (smiles)
Buffy: (excitedly) I knew it! This is so important! When did you meet?
Willow: Last week after we did the scanning project in the library.
(closes her locker)
Buffy: (curiously) Does he go here? What's his name? Have you kissed
him? What's he like?
Willow: (amused) No, Malcolm, no, and very nice.
Buffy: (annoyed) You are a thing of evil for not telling me this right
away!
Willow: Well, I wasn't sure there was anything to tell. But last night,
oh! We talked all night, it was amazing. He's so smart, Buffy, and, and
he's romantic, and we agree about everything!
Buffy: (sighs) What's he look like?
Willow: I don't know!
She continues down the hall with a big smile on her face. Buffy is
confused and stares after her a moment, then starts to follow.
Cut to the computer lab. Fritz and Dave are there, typing away.
Dave: (to the monitor) Yes, I will. I promise.
Willow and Buffy enter.
Buffy: So, you've been seeing a guy, and you don't know what he looks
like? Okay, this is a puzzle. No, wait, I'm good at these. Does it
involve a midget and a block of ice?
Willow: I met him online.
Buffy: On line for what?
Willow indicates a computer.
Buffy: Oh!
Ms. Calendar strides quickly into the room wearing dark glasses and
holding a mug of coffee in one hand and her books in the other.
Ms. Calendar: Morning, kids!
Buffy turns to look at her. Ms. Calendar notices Buffy as she heads to
her desk. She puts her mug down.
Ms. Calendar: Buffy, are you supposed to be somewhere? (takes off her
glasses)
Buffy: No, I have a free.
Ms. Calendar: Cool! But this is lab time, so let's make it a nice,
short visit, okay?
Buffy: Sure.
PC: You have mail.
Willow: It's him! (types to get the message)
Message: I'm thinking of you.
Willow: He's so sweet!
Buffy: (nods) He's a sweetie. (smiles nervously)
Willow: What should I write back?
Buffy: (cautiously) Uh, Willow, I think it's really great that you have
this cool pen pal, but don't you think you're kinda rushing all into
this? Y'know what I mean?
Willow: (excitedly) 'I'm thinking of you, too!' (crestfallen) No,
that's incredibly stupid!
Buffy: Will, down girl! Let's focus here, okay? What do you actually
know about this guy?
Willow: (disappointed) Oh, see, I knew you'd react like this.
Buffy: Like what?
The camera closes in on the computer's video feed.
Buffy: I just wanna make sure you're careful, that's all.
Cut to the computer's view.
Willow: Buffy...
Buffy: He could be different than you think.
The computer focuses closely on Buffy.
Cut to an office. The computer on the desk suddenly comes on. The
student records scroll by. It stops on Buffy's record and expands it.
Cut to Fritz's PC in the lab. Buffy's record appears there. The camera
pans over to Fritz as he studies her record. The monitor goes blank and
a message appears.
Moloch: Watch her.
Cut to Willow and Buffy.
Willow: His name is Malcolm Black, he's eighteen, he lives in Elmwood,
which is about eighty miles from here, and he likes me!
Buffy: Short, tall, skinny, fat?
Willow: Why does everything have to be about looks?
Buffy: Not everything, but some stuff is. I mean, what if you guys get
really, really intense, and then you find out that he... has... a hairy
back?
Willow: Well, no! Uh, he doesn't talk like somebody who would have a
hairy back. And anyways, that stuff doesn't matter when you really care
about each other. Maybe I'm not his ideal either.
Buffy: Hey, I'm just trying to make sure that he's good enough for you.
I think it's great that you met someone.
Cut to Ms. Calendar at her desk. She gets up holding some papers and
comes over to Fritz.
Ms. Calendar: Hey, Fritz... I'm, uh, lookin' at the logs. You and Dave
are clockin' a pretty scary amount of computer time.
Fritz: New project.
Ms. Calendar: Ooo, will I be excited?
Fritz: You'll die.
Cut outside to the steps in the quad. A boy is sitting on them reviewing
his report on his laptop.
Boy: (upset) This isn't my report! 'Nazi Germany was a model of a well
ordered society'? I didn't write that! Who's been in my files?
Willow comes down the steps next to him. She's off in her own world and
doesn't notice Xander coming from her right. He puts his hand over her
eyes, and she's forced to stop, nearly losing her balance.
Xander: Hup, guess who?
Willow: Uh, Xander?
Xander: Yeah, but keep guessing anyway.
Willow: Xander.
Xander: (takes his hand from her eyes) Oh, I can't fool ya, you see
right through my petty charade. We goin' to the Bronze tonight?
Willow: (smiles) Not me, I think I'm gonna call it an early night.
Xander: Oh, Malcolm, right? (Willow smiles and nods) Yeah, I heard. But
you're gonna be missin' out. I'm plannin' to be witty. I'm gonna make
fun of all the people who won't talk to me.
Willow: That's nice. Have a good time!
She smiles and quickly leaves. He watches her go. Buffy arrives and
watches her go, too.
Buffy: She certainly looks perky.
Xander: Yeah, color in the cheeks, bounce in the step... I don't like
it. It's not healthy. (faces her) So, are you goin' to the Bronze
tonight? Oh, probably not, you probably have some vampire slaying or
some lame endeavor like that, don't you? Everyone deserts me.
They begin to walk.
Buffy: Check out the jealous man!
Xander: What are you talking about?
Buffy: You're jealous.
Xander: Of what?
Buffy: Willow's got a thang, and Xander's left hanging.
Xander: Oh, that's meaningless drivel. I'm not interested in Willow
like that.
Buffy: Yeah, but you got used to being the Belle of the Ball.
Xander: No, it's just... this Malcolm guy? What's his deal? I mean,
tell me you're not slightly wigged.
Buffy: Okay, slightly. I mean, just not knowing what he's really like.
Xander: Or who he really is. I mean, sure he says he's a high school
student, but I can say I'm a high school student.
Buffy: You are.
Xander: Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get
me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room?
Buffy: (making light) I get your point! (gets his point) I get your
point. Oh, this guy could be anybody. He could be weird, or crazy, or
old, or... He could be a circus freak. (panicked) He's probably a circus
freak!
Xander: Yeah. I mean, we read about it all the time. Y'know, people
meet on the 'Net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show,
horrible ax murder.
Buffy: Willow ax murdered by a circus freak... Okay, okay, what do we
do? (realizes her paranoia) What are we doing? Xander, you get me
started! We are totally overreacting!
Xander: But it's fun, isn't it?
Cut to the computer lab. Fritz is staring at stuff scrolling by on the
monitor.
Fritz: (in a trance) I'm jacked in. I'm jacked in. I'm jacked in.
The camera pans down to his arm where he's carving an 'M' into it.
Fritz: I'm jacked in.
Cut to the girls' locker room the next day. The camera is following two
girls out when suddenly Willow comes barging in.
Buffy: Whoa! You're the Late Girl.
Willow: I overslept.
Buffy: Till fifth period? Talkin' to Malcolm last night?
Willow: Yeah. (sees Buffy's look) What?
Buffy: Nothing.
Willow: You're having an expression.
Buffy: I'm not. But if I was, it'd be saying, 'This just isn't like
you.'
Willow: Not like me to have a boyfriend?
Buffy: He's boyfriendly?
Willow: (confused) I don't understand why you don't want me to have
this. I mean, boys don't chase me around all the time. I thought you'd
be happy for me.
Buffy: (concerned) I just want you to be sure. To meet him face to
face. In daylight, in a crowded place with some friends. Y'know, before
you become all... obsessive.
Willow: Malcolm and I really care about each other. Big deal if I blow
off a couple classes.
Buffy: I thought you said you overslept.
Willow: Malcolm said you wouldn't understand.
Buffy: Malcolm was right.
Cut to the computer lab. Buffy comes in, sees Dave and goes over to him.
Buffy: Dave? (he's oblivious) Hey there, Dave. Anybody home?
He jumps in his seat when she puts her hand on his shoulder.
Dave: Oh, what do you want?
Buffy: I wanted to ask you something if you have a minute.
Dave: What is it?
Buffy: Well, you're a computer geek... genius, and, uh, I sort of have
a technical problem. If I wanted to find out something about someone, i-
if someone e-mailed me, could I trace the letter?
Dave: Well, you could pull up somebody's profile based on their user
name.
Buffy: But they write the profile themselves, right? And so they could
say anything they wanted.
Dave: True.
Buffy: Wow! I had knowledge! (Dave smiles) Well, is there a way to find
out exactly where a letter, an e-letter came from? I mean, the actual
location of the computer?
Dave: (considers) That's a challenge.
Buffy: 'Cause, you see, Willow's got this boyfriend, Malcolm, and to
tell you the truth, I think...
Dave: (interrupts, annoyed) Leave Willow alone.
Buffy: What do you mean?
Dave: (insistently) That's none of your business.
Buffy: (jumps to a conclusion) Dave, are you Malcolm?
Dave: (turns back to the PC) Of course not. (types)
Buffy: Dave, what's going on?
Dave: Look, I'll talk to you later, okay? I've got work to do.
She gets up and leaves.
Buffy: (exhales) So do I.
Fritz watches her go as she passes him.
Cut to the library. Buffy follows Giles down the stairs to the counter.
Buffy: I'm telling you, something is going on. It's not just Willow.
Dave, Fritz, they're all wicked jumpy.
Giles: Those boys aren't sparklingly normal as it is.
Buffy: Giles, trust me.
Giles: I-I do! I-I-I really don't know how to advise you. Things
involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it
were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element. Well, I-I
suppose you could, um, tail Dave, see if he's up to something.
Buffy: Follow Dave? What, in dark glasses and a trench coat? Please. I
can work this out myself.
Cut outside after school. Dave gets into his car, starts it and drives
off. The camera pans over to Buffy wearing dark glasses and a dark coat
as she watches him go.
Cut to a front view of the CRD building. Cut to the loading dock in
back. Dave drives up and gets out. Cut to outside the fence, where Buffy
is looking in. She sees Dave go up to a technician and start talking to
him. After a moment Dave and the technician go inside. The camera pans
over to the CRD logo. Cut to a security camera turning towards Buffy.
Cut to the view from the camera on Fritz's PC at school. It stops on
Buffy and pulls in for a close-up.
Fritz: She's too close. What do I do?
Moloch: (on the monitor) Kill her.
Fritz: Party.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
Sunnydale High.
Buffy: Whatever Dave is into, it's large.
Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting on the study table.
Giles: What was the name of this place?
Buffy: It said CRD. But, I couldn't get close enough to see what it
was.
Xander: Calax Research and Development. It's a computer research lab.
Third largest employer in Sunnydale till it closed down last year. (gets
stares from the others) What, I can't have information sometimes?
Giles: Well, it-it's just somewhat unprecedented.
Xander: Well, my uncle used to work there. I-in a floor sweeping
capacity.
Buffy: But it closed?
Xander: Uh-huh.
Buffy: Looked pretty functional from where I stood. I don't have a clue
what they were doing.
Xander: And what do they need Dave for?
Buffy: Something about computers, right? I mean, he is off-the-chart
smart.
Giles: We still don't know an enormous amount. Whatever is going on
there may be on the up-and-up.
Xander: No, if CRD opened, it would've been on the news.
Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is
tingling.
Giles: Your... spider sense?
Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.
Giles: Yes, well, ahem, I think we're still at a stand still. Uh, uh,
short of breaking into the place, I don't see...
Buffy: Breaking in! (slides off of the table) Then this is the plan!
Xander: I'm free tonight!
Buffy: Tonight it is! (goes over to Xander)
Giles: (tries to dampen their excitement) A moment, please, of quiet
reflection. I do not suggest that you illegally enter the...
Ms. Calendar enters the library.
Giles: ...data into the file so the book will be listed by title as
well as by author.
Ms. Calendar: I just came by to check your new data base, make sure
your cross reference table isn't glitching. 'Cause I'm guessing you
haven't gone anywhere near it.
Giles: Uh, I'm still sorting through the chaos you left behind you.
Ms. Calendar: Hmm. (to Buffy and Xander) You're here again? Kids really
dig the library, don't cha?
Buffy: We're literary!
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
Buffy: (embarrassed) We'll be going now. (grabs Xander and turns to
leave)
Giles: Uh, w-we'll, uh, continue this conversation at another time.
Buffy: I think we're done. (they leave) (to Xander) Makes our speaking
English is good?
Xander: (defensively) I panicked, okay?
Cut to the computer lab. Willow is chatting online with Malcolm.
Malcolm: I've never felt this way about anyone before, Willow.
Willow: I know what you mean. I feel like you know me better than
anyone.
Malcolm: I do.
Willow: Do you think we should... meet?
Malcolm: I think we should soon.
Willow: I'm nervous.
Malcolm: I'm not. Isn't that strange?
Willow: That's what Buffy doesn't understand, how comfortable you can
make me feel.
Malcolm: Buffy just makes trouble. That's why she got kicked out of her
old school.
She is puzzled and pauses for a moment.
Willow: How did you know that?
Malcolm: It's on her permanent record.
She doesn't respond, still puzzled.
Malcolm: You must have mentioned it.
Willow: (unsure) I guess.
Malcolm: Let's not worry about her anymore.
Willow: I have to sign off. I'll talk to you later.
Malcolm: Don't.
Willow: Bye.
She turns off the monitor, gets up and leaves.
Cut to the library.
Ms. Calendar: (exasperated) You're a snob!
Giles: (incredulous) I am no such thing.
Ms. Calendar: Oh, you are a *big* snob. You, you think that knowledge
should be kept in these carefully guarded repositories where only a
handful of white guys can get at it.
Giles: Nonsense! I simply don't adhere to a, a knee-jerk assumption
that because something is new, it's better.
Ms. Calendar: This isn't a fad, Rupert! We are creating a new society
here.
Giles: A society in which human interaction is all but obsolete? In
which people can be completely manipulated by technology, well, well...
Thank you, I'll pass.
Ms. Calendar: Well, ahem, I think you'll be very happy here with your
musty, old books. (opens Moloch's book)
Giles: These musty old books have a great deal more to say than in any
of your... fabulous web pages.
Ms. Calendar: Hmm. (pages through the book) This one doesn't have a
whole lot more to say.
Giles stares at the empty book.
Ms. Calendar: What is it, like a diary?
Giles: How odd. I haven't looked through all the volumes yet, I didn't,
um...
He closes the book and sees the etching of Moloch on the cover.
Ms. Calendar: What is it?
Giles: (puzzled) Uh, nothing, um, a, a diary, yes. I imagine that's
what it is. (pauses to think) Well, it's been so nice talking to you.
(heads to his office with the book)
Ms. Calendar: We were fighting.
Giles: (absently) Must do it again sometime, yes... Bye, now.
She watches him disappear into his office.
Cut outside. The school nurse is frantic as she quickly walks along with
a man.
School nurse: I checked the computer, and there's nothing in his file
about being allergic to penicillin!
Buffy comes walking out of the school. Dave comes up to her.
Dave: Buffy!
Buffy: Dave! How're you doing?
Dave: Okay. Uh, look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I haven't been getting
much sleep lately, y'know?
Buffy: Don't sweat it.
Dave: (awkwardly) Willow was looking for you.
Buffy: Good, I need to talk to her. Do you know where she is?
Dave: She said she'd be in the, in the girls' locker room.
Buffy: Great. Thanks.
She looks at him for a moment, and then goes to find Willow. He watches
her go.
Cut to the girl's locker room. It's deserted. Buffy slowly walks down
the aisle and into a row of lockers.
Buffy: Will?
She walks further.
Buffy: Willow?
Cut to Fritz in the shower. He turns the water on and leaves. Cut to
Buffy.
Buffy: Will? You taking a shower?
She goes to the shower and sees that it's on, but no one's there.
Buffy: I guess not.
The camera cuts to a light above and follows an electrical cord from it
down to the corner of the floor in the shower. Buffy walks into the
shower to turn off the water.
Buffy: This is how droughts get started.
She turns the water off. The water creeps toward the exposed wires.
Dave: Buffy! Get out!
She turns to him and notices the wires. They begin to spark. She leaps
out of the shower. An arc of electricity follows her for an instant. She
lands on a changing bench and rolls off onto the floor. Dave runs from
the locker room. She sits up and looks over toward the showers. The
camera pulls back to show the soles of her shoes smoking.
Cut to the computer lab. It's dark. Dave comes in and turns on a PC.
Dave: I can't do it! I'm not gonna do it.
Moloch: But you promised.
Dave: (desperately) Buffy isn't a threat to you! Stop with it.
Moloch: The project is almost complete. You won't have to do it again.
Dave: (drops his bag and whimpers) Oh, I can't!
Moloch: I've shown you a new world, Dave. Knowledge, power... I can
give you everything. All I want is your love.
Dave: No. This isn't right. None of it is.
The scratch pad comes up on the monitor and Moloch writes a note:
I'm sorry. I've been a terrible person.
I'm a coward, and I can't go on living like this.
Forgive me, Mom and Dad. At least now I'll
have some peace. Remember me.
Love, Dave.
He backs away from the computer. Fritz is waiting behind him by the
window.
Cut to the library. Buffy sits at the table while Xander paces.
Xander: I'm gonna kill Dave!
Buffy: He tried to warn me.
Xander: Warn you that he set you up? (to Giles) Is she gonna be okay?
Giles: She was only grounded for a moment. (sits and hands Buffy a mug)
Still, if you'd been anyone but the Slayer...
Buffy: Tell me the truth: how's my hair?
Xander: It's great! It's your best hair ever! (smiles)
Giles: Uh, oh, yes.
Buffy: I just... I don't understand what would make Dave do a thing
like that.
Giles: I think perhaps I do.
He goes over to get Moloch's book from the cage. He comes back holding
it up.
Giles: Does this look familiar to either of you?
Buffy: Yeah, sure. Looks like a book.
Xander: I knew that one.
Giles: (sets it on the table) In the dark ages the souls of demons were
sometimes trapped in certain volumes. They remained locked within the
book, harmless, unless the pages were read aloud. Unless I'm mistaken,
this is Moloch, the Corrupter. A very deadly and seductive demon. He
draws people to him with promises of love, power, knowledge. Preys on
impressionable minds.
Xander: Like Dave's.
Giles: Dave, and who knows how many others.
Buffy: And Moloch is inside that book?
Giles: Not anymore. (opens the book)
Xander: You released Moloch?
Buffy: Way to go!
Giles: I didn't read it! That dreadful Calendar woman found it and, and
it was already blank.
Buffy: Okay, so a powerful demon with horns is walking around
Sunnydale, and nobody's noticed?
Xander: I-if he's so big and strong, why bother with Dave? I mean, why
didn't he just attack Buffy himself?
Giles: I don't know. And I don't know who could've read that book. It
wasn't even in English.
Buffy: Where was it?
Giles: Uh, in a pile with others that were, um, uh, scanned.
They look over at the PC.
Xander: And that released the demon?
Buffy: No, he's not out here. (points to the PC) He's in there.
Giles: The scanner read the book. It brought Moloch out as information
to be absorbed.
Buffy: He's gone binary on us.
Xander: Okay, for those of us in our studio audience, who are me? You
guys are saying that Moloch is in this computer?
Buffy: And every computer connected to it by a modem.
Giles: He's everywhere.
Xander: What are we gonna do?
Giles: Willow scanned him into her file. It may be... a futile gesture,
but I suggest we, um, uh, delete it.
Buffy: Solid!
She gets up and walks over to the PC.
Xander: Don't get too close.
She sits down in front of it.
Buffy: Okay. Okay. (turns on the monitor) So which file do you think it
is? Willow? (types) That's probably it, right? I'll just delete the
whole thing.
She drags the file icon to the trash bin, and inhales in fright when
Moloch's demonic face appears on the monitor.
Moloch: Stay away from Willow! It is none of your business!
The monitor returns to normal.
Buffy: So that's what Malcolm looks like.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
The library.
Buffy: So much for delete file.
Giles: This is very bad.
Xander: Are we overreacting? He's in a computer! What can he do?
Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill
me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the
world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: Right, yours was best.
Xander: Okay, he's a threat, I'm on board with that now. But what can
we do about it?
Buffy: I think the first thing we do is find Willow. She's probably
talking to him right now. God, that creeps me out!
Xander: What does he want with Willow?
Buffy: Let's never find out. (gets up) Okay, I'm gonna check the
computer lab, and you guys call her home.
Cut to the computer lab. Buffy comes in and looks around. It's dark.
Buffy: Willow?
The PC's suddenly all come on, startling her. She backs further into the
room while looking around more. She turns around and jumps as she bumps
into Dave. He's hanging from the ceiling with the note pinned to his
shirt.
Cut to the library. Xander is on the phone trying to reach Willow. He
gives up.
Xander: No answer.
Giles: Damn it!
Xander: (hangs up) Well, it wasn't busy either, so she's not online.
Buffy comes back into the library.
Xander: (to Buffy) She's not home.
Giles: What did you find?
Xander: (worried) Willow isn't...
Buffy: Dave. He's dead.
Giles: How?
Buffy: Well, it looks like suicide.
Xander: With a little help from my friends?
Buffy: I'd guess Fritz. Or the other zomboids from CRD. Okay, (to
Xander) you and I are gonna go to Willow's house. Giles, you need to
come up with a way to get Moloch out of the 'Net.
Giles: I, I have records of the ceremonies, but, but that's for a
creature of the flesh. Th-this could be something completely different.
Buffy: Then get Ms. Calendar. Maybe she can help you.
Giles: Well, even if she could, how am I gonna convince her that
there's a demon on the Internet?
Buffy: Okay, fine, then you can stay here and come up with a better
plan. (to Xander) C'mon.
Cut to Willow's house. She's coming home. She unlocks the door and goes
in. Cut inside.
Willow: Mom? Dad?
She closes the door. Cut to her room. She dumps her book bag on the bed
and opens it.
PC: You have mail.
Willow looks at her PC. The mail icon is active. She goes over to her
desk, logs on, clicks on the icon and opens the new message folder.
Message: No more waiting. I need you to see me.
She turns off her monitor and goes back to her bag. The monitor comes
back on by itself again.
PC: You have mail.
Willow stares at it in disbelief. The doorbell rings, and after another
look at her computer she goes to answer it. Cut to the front door.
Willow: Dad, did you forget your keys again?
She opens the door, but no one's there. She turns to go back in. As she
starts to close the door behind her Fritz reaches around her head with a
cloth splashed with chloroform. After a brief struggle Willow loses
unconsciousness.
Fritz: No more waiting.
Cut to the library. Giles is researching and listening to the radio.
Radio: A spokesman for the archbishop denied the allegations, blaming
computer error for the apparent financial discrepancy.
Giles: Binding rituals...
Radio: In Washington D.C., the FBI today reported that all of its
serial killer profiles have been mysteriously downloaded from its
central computer.
Ms. Calendar knocks on the door.
Ms. Calendar: Hi. I got your message. What's so urgent?
Giles: (turns off the radio and gets up) Um, thank you for coming. Uh,
I need your help. (laughs nervously) But before that, um, I need you to
believe something that, um, you may not want to. Uh, there's, uh...
something's got into the, um... i-i-inside, um... (takes a breath and
lets it out) There's a demon in the Internet.
Ms. Calendar: I know.
Giles is surprised to hear that.
Cut to Willow's house. Buffy and Xander arrive and find the door open.
Buffy: Willow?!
Cut inside.
Xander: This isn't good.
Buffy: Willow?!
They come in and head for Willow's room. Cut to Willow's room.
Buffy: Willow?!
They walk into the room and see that Willow isn't there.
Xander: Okay, any thoughts?
Buffy looks around and sees the message on the computer.
Buffy: (reads) 'No more waiting, I need you to see me'? (to Xander) See
him how? Where?
Xander: What about CRD?
Buffy: The research place?
Xander: I'm guessing that's Moloch central.
Buffy: Guessing that's our best lead. Let's just hope Giles can back us
up.
They leave.
Cut to the library. Giles unfolds his arms and gets up from the table.
Giles: You already know? How exactly is that?
Ms. Calendar: Come on, there've been portents for days. I mean, power
surges, online shutdowns... You should see the bones I've been casting.
I *knew* this would happen sooner or later. I mean, it's probably a, a
mischief demon, y'know, like Kelkor, or...
Giles: It's Moloch.
Ms. Calendar: The Corrupter? Oh, boy. (exhales) I shoulda remembered, I
just don't...
Giles: Uh... You don't seem exactly surprised by... Who are you?
Ms. Calendar: I teach computer science at the local high school.
Giles: A profession that hardly lends itself to the casting of bones.
Ms. Calendar: (exasperated) Wrong and wrong, snobby. You think the
realm of the mystical is limited to ancient texts and relics? That bad
old science made the magic go away? Mm. The divine exists in cyberspace
same as out here.
Giles: Are you a witch?
Ms. Calendar: Mm. I don't have that kinda power. 'Technopagan' is the
term.
Giles lets out a chuckle.
Ms. Calendar: There are more of us than you think.
Giles: Well, uh, you can definitely help me. (gets the book) Um...
What's in cyberspace at the moment is less than divine.
They go out into the main area.
Giles: I have the binding rituals at hand, but I'm completely out of my
idiom.
Ms. Calendar: Well, I can help! I think... I hope, I mean, well, (sits
at the PC) this is my first real... Do you know how he got in?
Giles: He was, uh, 'scanned' is the term, I believe.
Ms. Calendar: And you want him back in the book?
The phone rings. Giles goes to get it.
Giles: Buffy!
Buffy: (cut to a pay phone outside CRD) Yeah.
Giles: Willow?
Buffy: Not at home. It looks like she was taken somewhere.
Giles: (cut to him) Where are you?
Buffy: (cut to her) CRD. Whatever Moloch wants Willow for, it's
probably in there.
Giles: (cut to him) Ms. Calendar and I are, uh, working to get Moloch
offline.
Buffy: (cut to her) Here's a tip: hurry! (hangs up)
Cut to a lab inside CRD. It's dark. Willow is lying on a table
unconscious. She wakes up. After a moment she sits up and looks around.
She sees Fritz and a technician standing there, and beyond them a
computer monitor. The camera begins to close on the monitor.
Moloch: Welcome, my love.
Cut to the camera starting to close in on Willow. Cut to the camera
closing in on the monitor again.
Moloch: I can't tell you how good it is to see you...
The camera closes in on Willow's terrified face. Cut to the monitor. A
metal hand slaps down on it. The camera pans up to Moloch's face. A
robot body has been built for him.
Moloch: ...with my own two eyes.
Willow is breathing hard and is very afraid.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4~~~~~~~~~~
The lab at CRD. Willow is terrified.
Moloch: Willow.
Willow: (whispers) Malcolm.
Fritz and the technician come to get her and take her by the arms.
Moloch slowly comes closer.
Moloch: This world is so new, so exciting. I can see all of it.
Everything flows through me. I know the secrets of your kings. But
nothing compares to having form again. To be able to walk, (puts his
hand on Fritz's head) to touch, (breaks Fritz's neck) to kill.
Willow watches Fritz's dead body fall. She looks back up at Moloch.
Cut outside. Buffy lands on the other side of the fence. Xander yells as
he falls after climbing over the top. Buffy helps him up.
Xander: Back way?
Buffy: Back way.
They make for the rear entrance. Xander is limping badly.
Cut inside. Buffy kicks the doors open. She walks in determinedly.
Cut to the lab.
Moloch: Here they come.
Cut to the library. Ms. Calendar is lighting candles.
Ms. Calendar: The first thing we have to do is form the circle of
Kayless. Right?
Giles: Form a circle? But there's only two of us. That's really more of
a line.
Ms. Calendar: You're not getting it, Rupert. We have to form the circle
inside. (sits at the PC) I'm putting out a flash. I just hope enough of
my group responds.
Giles: Won't Moloch just shut you down?
Ms. Calendar: Well, I'm betting he won't figure out what we're doing
until it's too late.
Giles: Hoping and betting, that's what we've got.
Ms. Calendar: You wanna throw in praying? Be my guest.
Cut to the lab at CRD.
Willow: I don't understand. What do you want from me?
Moloch: I want to give you the world.
Willow: (suspiciously) Why?
Moloch: You created me. I brought these humans together to build me a
body. But *you* gave me life. Took me out of the book that held me. I
want to repay you.
Willow: By lying to me? By pretending to be a person? Pretending you
loved me?
Moloch: I do!
Cut to the lobby. Buffy and Xander walk up to the guard. He gets up to
stop them, but she punches him out and continues. Xander notices the
guard's monitor.
Xander: Uh, Buffy!
She comes back to look.
Buffy: It's her!
Xander: Yeah, who's the other guy?
Cut to the lab.
Moloch: Don't you see? I can give you everything! I can control the
world! Right now a man in Beijing is transferring money to a Swiss bank
account for a contract on his mother's life. Good for him!
Cut to another hall. Buffy and Xander come through the doors. She finds
the door to the lab and tries to force it open.
Buffy: I can't bust it. It's heavy steel.
Xander: Then let's find another way in.
He starts toward the next set of doors when an alarm goes off and red
lights flash. Xander jumps to the door to try it. It's locked. He comes
back.
Xander: What's goin' on?
Buffy spies a security camera.
Buffy: Building's security system is computerized.
Xander: Whoops!
A gas begins to spray into the hall.
Cut to the library.
Ms. Calendar: Almost there.
Giles: Couldn't you just stop Moloch by, by entering some computer
virus?
Ms. Calendar: You've seen way too many movies. Okay! We're up. You
read, I type. Ready?
Giles: Uh, I am. By the power of the divine, by the essence of the
word, I command you...
Cut to the hall at CRD. Buffy and Xander are pounding on the doors.
Xander begins to cough. Cut into the lab.
Willow: Let me leave?
Moloch: But I love you!
Willow: Don't say that! That's a joke! You don't love anything!
Moloch: You are mine!
Willow: I'm not yours! I'm never gonna be yours! Never!
Moloch lowers his head and considers for a moment while Willow just
watches and waits. He raises his head again.
Moloch: Pity.
Cut to the library.
Giles: By the power of the circle of Kayless, I command you... (sees
her typing) Kayless, with a 'K'.
Cut to the hall. Xander slides down the wall to the floor, almost
unconscious. Buffy is still weakly hitting the door.
Cut to the lab. Moloch has Willow cornered. He reaches up and puts his
hand on her head.
Moloch: I'll miss you.
Willow screams. Cut to the library.
Giles: Demon, come!
Cut to the lab. Moloch screams and lifts his arms in pain, letting go of
Willow. He begins to writhe. Cut to the library.
Giles: I command you!
Cut to the lab. Buffy comes in though the door with Xander close behind.
She leaps into a jumping side kick, making a dull thud when she connects
with Moloch's chest, but he only staggers a bit, and she just falls to
the floor.
Buffy: Ow... Guy's made of metal!
The technician grabs Xander from behind and pulls him away. Buffy
quickly gets up and looks at Willow while Moloch continues to writhe in
pain.
Moloch: No! I won't go back!
Buffy grabs Willow's hand and they run out of the lab. Cut to the
library.
Giles: Demon, COME!
Cut to the lab. Moloch continues to scream. Cut to the library. The
computer sparks several times. Cut to the lab. Xander pushes the
technician back into a wall, turns around and punches him out. He
quickly follows the girls out.
Xander: Hey! I got to hit someone!
Moloch falls to his knees. Cut to the library. Wind is blowing inside
and the computer monitor is flashing. Cut to the lab. Moloch screams
loudly. Cut to the library. Giles and Ms. Calendar watch the monitor
flicker. Cut to the lab. Moloch's screams die out. Cut to the library.
The computer monitor stops flashing. Smoke comes out of the back of it.
Ms. Calendar: He's out of the 'Net. He's bound.
Giles goes over to the book, picks it up and opens it to look.
Giles: He's not in the book.
Ms. Calendar: (gets up and looks at it also) He's not in the book.
Well, where is he?
Cut to the lab. Moloch slowly raises his head. Cut to the hall. Buffy
and Willow open a set of doors and see a guard and two technicians
running toward them. They push the doors closed.
Xander: Let's go this way! (begins to run the other way)
Buffy: Wait!
Xander is still limping heavily. Suddenly Moloch crashes through the
wall between them. He looks at Xander and backhands him in the face.
Xander falls to the floor unconscious. Moloch turns and advances on the
girls. He starts to swing at Buffy, and she tries to block the hit, but
he doesn't budge and just pushes her aside and into the wall. She slides
to the floor, a bit dazed.
Moloch: (angrily) I was omnipotent. I was everything! Now I'm trapped in this shell!
He reaches out to grab her by the head.
Willow: Malcolm!
Moloch turns to face her. She has a fire extinguisher.
Willow: Remember me, your girlfriend?!
She pounds the extinguisher into his chest hard enough to make him bend
back.
Willow: Well, I think it's time we break up!
She hits him again even harder.
Willow: Or maybe we can still be friends!
She tries again for his face, but this time he grabs the extinguisher
from her and throws it down. He grabs her and shoves her down the hall
into Xander, who's just getting up again. They both crash to the floor.
Buffy has recovered from her daze and gets up to face Moloch. He turns
his attention on her.
Moloch: This body's all I have left. But it's enough to crush you!
Buffy looks around for a way to deal with him. She notices a power
junction box on the wall. She faces him again and eases her way in front
of the box.
Buffy: Take your best shot.
Moloch rears back for a punch and swings. Buffy ducks away, and he
punches right into the electrical box. It shorts out, and Moloch is
enveloped by high voltage electricity. Buffy runs over to Willow and
Xander and crouches down to protect them. Moloch's circuitry overloads,
and his body explodes. His head lands right in front of them.
Cut to the school the next day. Cut to the computer lab. Ms. Calendar is
standing at her desk and typing on her PC. Giles comes in, clears his
throat and knocks on the open door. She turns to see who's there.
Ms. Calendar: (smiles) Well, look who's here! Welcome to my world.
(with a bit of an attitude) You scared?
Giles: I'm remaining calm, thank you. Uh, I just wanted to, uh, return
this. (holds up a small curly earring) I found it among the new books,
and naturally I thought of you.
Ms. Calendar: Cool. Thanks. (takes it)
Giles: Uh, well, I'll, I'll see you anon. (begins to go)
Ms. Calendar: Can't get outta here fast enough, can you?
Giles: (comes back in) Truthfully, I'm even less anxious to be around
computers than I used to be.
Ms. Calendar: Well, it was your book that started all the trouble, not
a computer.
Giles is at a loss.
Ms. Calendar: Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much?
Giles: The smell.
Ms. Calendar: Computer's don't smell, Rupert.
Giles: I know! Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there
is. A certain flower or a, a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences...
long forgotten. Books smell. Musty and, and, and, and rich. The
knowledge gained from a computer, is, uh, it... it has no, no texture,
no, no context. It's, it's there and then it's gone. If it's to last,
then, then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible, it should
be, um... smelly.
Ms. Calendar: Well! You really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Giles: Well, I-I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
Ms. Calendar: (mischievously) That's not where I dangle it.
She walks past him and smiles. Giles follows her with his gaze and looks
Puzzled yet intrigued.
Cut outside to the fountain. Xander and Buffy are trying to cheer up
Willow.
Xander: We gonna go to the Bronze tonight? We three?
Buffy: It'll be fun!
Xander: Yeah, Willow, fun? Remember fun? That thing where you smile?
(smiles)
Willow: Oh, I'm sorry guys. I'm just thinking about...
Buffy: Malcolm?
Willow: Malcolm, Moloch... whatever he's called. The one boy that's
really liked me, and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me?
Buffy: It doesn't say anything about you.
Willow: I mean, I thought I was really falling...
Buffy: (interrupts) Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots
for since I've moved here turned out to be a vampire.
Xander: Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant praying mantis?
(goofy smile)
Willow: That's true. (smiles)
Xander: Yeah, that's life on the Hellmouth.
Buffy: Let's face it: none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal
relationship.
Xander: We're doomed!
Willow: Yeah!
They all laugh. Their laughter quickly becomes nervous and stops. Only
the fountain can be heard as they each consider their plight.
[an error occurred while processing this directive]